How to Have Sex Appeal
Seductive, fetching, and something that improves with experience
– it's sex appeal. Not limited to the beautiful people, sex
appeal is something within everyone's reach no matter your looks
and age. It derives from unabashed self-confidence, healthy
self-love, and a belief that you're worth knowing.
How you talk, dress, move, and behave will ultimately define whether
you've got sex appeal... or not. Whether you're keen to improve your
sex appeal for romantic or social reasons (and really, you should
focus on developing it for both reasons), you can't go wrong by being
willing to get started.
!! Steps !!
Understand what makes people truly attractive. When assessing what
makes up sex appeal (aka the "X factor", the "It factor", the "inner
glow", etc.), don't make the mistake of assuming that looks are
everything. Presentation matters but looks themselves are only a
small part of the story and even then, the value of commonly agreed
upon standards of beauty can be deceptive. Think about beautiful
people you've known who had lacked personality, and you'll realize
quickly that good luck in the genetics department is definitely not
what sex appeal is about! Sex appeal is the entire package –
making the most of your positive features, feeling comfortable in
your skin (or as the French say, _"bien dans sa peau"_), and putting
your best self forward for others to appreciate. Herein lies an
often overlooked side to sex appeal – it isn't a case of getting
what you want because you're attractive. Rather, sex appeal is about
*giving*; principally, your allure derives from the very fact that
just being around a confident and insecurity-free you makes others
feel good about themselves. Your "glow" is a gift to others; and
while not everyone will accept this gift, most people will be open
to the warmth of being made to feel good about themselves, even if
it's just for a few moments in your presence. Ultimately, sex appeal
is the _va-va-voom_ or _oomph_ that causes you to glow more brightly
than most; you're magnetic and appealing because you're
self-assured.
Dress with style. It doesn't matter that you might be big boned,
small waisted, tall, short, or stuck with a nose you wish you could
trade for another. Good grooming, stylish dressing, and careful
deportment will do more for you than a supposedly perfect body
shape. Coco Chanel once quipped: _"If a woman is not well dressed,
one notices for her outfit, but if she's impeccably dressed, it's
she that one notices."_ This applies equally to men and reflects
that when you've got the style sorted, it's you that shines through,
not your cloth and gem embellishments. And keep in mind that leaving
much to the imagination is far sexier than wearing revealing
clothing.
* When purchasing clothes, focus on camouflaging what doesn't look
as great as you'd like while accentuating the best features. Know
what looks good on you and what's not; fashion is about wearing
only what flatters you, since then you will feel comfortable and
act more naturally.
* Keep your hair in excellent shape and well cared for – think
about how you perceive someone with unkempt hair and someone with
groomed hair; the appeal on the eye is very different.
* For women, don't overdo the makeup. Too much will always be
unflattering.
* In the workplace, there are subtle but important rules about what
you wear that are worth paying attention to. Having sex appeal at
work should be personality driven; with the clothing, it should
only ever be hinted at. Dress professionally for work according to
your workplace standards (even if it's casual, make sure you're in
smart, well pressed clothes). That means avoiding wearing clothing
that reveals enough to cause people to think they're in your
bedroom. For women, avoid sheer clothing, deep cleavage, skirts
that barely cover your backside, too much makeup, or strapless
tops. For men, avoid unironed, "just-got-out-of-bed" looks, sheer
clothing, clothing that's too tight, unbuttoned hairy chests, and
flip flops.
Love your body. Avoid obsessing over your body shape. Worrying about
what isn't right about you can lead to obsessing over the fine
details and neglecting your real assets, such as your glorious mane
of hair, your fabulous smile, your sense of humor, or your
strengths. Obsessing and worrying are the antithesis of sex appeal
because they cause you to focus inwardly, and to allow other
people's judgment of you to have too much power over you. Sex appeal
only works when you're able to embrace your appearance for all it is
and still love yourself, and project the best of you while
downplaying anything that you're not so keen about. And remember
this about those supposed "faults": nobody else magnifies them the
way you do, so the sooner you cease worrying about them, the better.
* Be comfortable about your sexual nature. Within sex appeal is the
word sex, after all. And for romantic liaisons, it's assumed that
part of your desire is sexual. Being comfortable with your own
sexuality is important for having sex appeal, because feeling
confused, disgusted, ill-at-ease, or prudish about your sexuality
and the sexuality of others will not give you sex appeal. If
you're experiencing confusion or dissatisfaction with your sexual
side, seek help and advice from those trained to work with sexual
problems.
* Body love and sexual identity are very closely entwined; if you're
going to ask your lover to turn off the light every time you make
love just because you're worried about your body shape, you're
going to feel inhibited. Spend your love life with people who love
you for who you are and don't want to change you; your electric
light bills might be a bit higher but so too will be your own
electricity!
* If you're not healthy or happy with your current body, do
something about it. But in the process of fixing that aspect of
yourself, you don't need to let your personality sink. Keep
projecting the lovable, affable person you are as you stick with
your healthy regime.
Be "smexy". This simply means a combination of being smart and sexy.
Sex appeal is about both looking your best _and_ thinking your best.
Put your smarts out there as well as your gorgeousness; denying your
intelligence is a foolhardy way to aim to be appealing. Make it
clear from the outset that you think for yourself and never shy away
from making decisions for yourself or you'll risk being viewed as a
docile and complacent person. Being smexy includes:
* Having empowering beliefs. This is not only about yourself but
about others too – being genuinely interested in ensuring that
others get ahead and have what they need is a very attractive
trait.
* Being flexible without being a pushover. This means that you're
willing to heed other's wishes and be flexible about these where
it's constructive to do so but you're also able to maintain your
sense of self and keep your boundaries intact.
* Being independent. It's very sexy to show that you can stand on
your own two feet financially and emotionally, and that you're
both resourceful and resilient.
* Be busy. Looking bored and not knowing what to do with yourself is
unappealing and even threatening. A busy person however, is
attractive and inspiring; others will want to know what you're
doing and how they can keep up with you.
Feel good about yourself. When you feel good about yourself and
believe in your own worth, it shows. This is appealing because
people feel instantly at ease with you, as they sense they don't
have to reassure you or tiptoe around you. So relax, be comfortable
about yourself, and let your confidence exude. Tell yourself that
you're beautiful inside and out, wonderful to know, and think of all
the great reasons why people will like you for you. Confidence is
the most important source of sex appeal, so if yours is feeling a
bit low, it's an ideal time to improve it. Here are some suggested
articles:
* How to build self confidence
* How to communicate with confidence
* How to portray confidence
* How to be confident
* How to feel confident.
Be positive, upbeat, and a person who smiles and laughs a lot.
Laughter and smiling have a lot to do with sex appeal. Everyone
wants to feel better about themselves and about the world around
them. Smiles and laughter help create that positive atmosphere and
reassure people that you're fun to be with and that you're going to
do your best to see the positive side of things even during
challenging times. And upbeat people notice the possibilities,
something that can take others by surprise and reroute their
pessimism. But don't confuse this with forced positive attitudes, or
what author Barbara Ehrenreich terms "magical thinking"; that kind
of thinking that causes you to see the "glass half full" when it's
completely shattered.[1] Rather, this is the kind of positive
thinking that emanates from knowing that you're strong, determined,
and resilient [1] enough to cope with hardships and that you pick
yourself up and learn from life's vicissitudes.
* Laugh regularly because it's good for you and because it's
attractive to people around you. Read How to laugh and How to
laugh a lot for more advice.
* Smile on the inside. Force a smile even if you're not in the mood
for it (think of yourself at your best) and notice how your body
starts to change. Carry around an inner smile and it will express
itself in the way you hold your body, walk, and react with daily
life. Also learn how to smile when you don't feel you can.
* Learn how to smile with your eyes. Model Tyra Banks coined the
term "smize" to sum up this very effective and all-encompassing
smile.
* Smile in the face of adversity and difficult connections with
others. Even if they don't return your smile, it's warming the
thaw just a little bit and it's for your benefit to remain upbeat
when others are down around you.
* Indulge in being funny and seeing the less serious side of life.
Being the tension reliever when social relations take on too
serious an edge is bound to draw people to you.
* Don't evaluate humor. Once you start questioning "is this really
worth laughing at", you're taking things too seriously and
dampening the happy spirit around you. And that's just not sexy.
Join in and laugh because it's good for you, good for everyone
else, and makes you look _fantastic_.
Be aware of how your body language impacts other people. Your body
language is a major aspect of sex appeal. You can make a decision to
withdraw, and pull your neck in, hold your head down, linger back
from the crowd, and try to make yourself as small as possible or you
can decide to stand tall, hold your head high, maintain a beautiful
posture and make your presence well and truly known. Which of those
two images is sexier to you? When aiming to give out the glow, some
of the things to be really aware of when interacting with other
people include:
* Maintain eye contact. Whether you're planning on taking things
further with a person in a romantic context or you just want to
cement a lasting social relationship with another human being, eye
contact is a major source of deepening your connection. Looking
away from people or casting your eyes downwards is a way of
blocking people out and staying in your own world; don't worry,
people won't try and enter it. To have sex appeal though, eye
contact is essential because it invites people into your world and
embraces them. And the longer the eye contact, the more you're
telling that person that you're really interested in them. If
you're currently uncomfortable with eye contact, force yourself to
start trying – make a pact with yourself to look at the eyes of
three unknown people a day and see what happens. At first it'll be
challenging but as you keep practicing, you're likely to find
yourself becoming more interesting to others and sparking a lot of
new connections.
* Use open body language. This is expressive movements that engage
and enfold other people in your sphere. Things that draw people
closer to you include hugs, open arms, leaning forward to listen,
open hands, uncrossed arms, facing your heart toward the other
person's heart. If you're wearing a coat or jacket, unbutton it to
show that you're opening your heart to them.[2] [2]
* Use touch. Touching people is a truly energizing form of
connecting with others. Brushing your hand against their arm,
holding their arm briefly, hugging them, placing your hand on a
shoulder, etc., are all ways that you can connect. Move in closer
when you touch others, and if you have romantic intentions, even
seek to match your breathing with the other person's.
* Smile and laugh. As discussed in the previous step.
Love people. Loving humanity as a whole will improve your sex
appeal. You're a human, so why is it so easy to make comments like
"I hate my fellow human beings, they're all so [...]". It's easy
because when we talk like that, we're assuming that people who don't
conform to our way of thinking or being, are so unlike us that
they're not worth loving. Setting aside those antagonistic feelings
lets you open up to love people for who they are. This doesn't mean
that you have to like individuals; naturally, there will always be
people you don't click with and people whose moral habits are not in
line with human dignity but these exceptions are not an excuse for
assuming the majority of human beings are not lovable. When you make
it clear that you love people as they are, no matter what their
achievements, wealth, choices, looks, etc., then you immediately
make them feel wanted and at ease. And that makes you desirable.
* Be curious about people. Asking others to tell you more about
themselves is a means for getting to know them better and is
extremely flattering. Being curious is one of the top means for
connecting with other people.
* Facilitate connections with other people. What's just as sexy as
being connected to you? Being connected to the people you know!
Help others meet the people you believe they'd benefit from
knowing. It's relationship building, it's empowering, and it's a
way of increasing the people you can rely on too.
* Don't let your experience with one person cloud your experiences
with everyone else. Sex appeal can be thwarted by carrying around
the emotional baggage from previous relationships and projecting
this onto every future prospective romantic and social
relationship. Don't allow the tension from one relationship lead
you to think that this will infect all relationships.
* Develop graceful ways for cutting things short with people you're
not keen to spend more time with. They don't need to feel they're
any less a person just because the two of you aren't clicking; be
generous in your estimation of them and make the short space of
time you do spend with them special.
You're beautiful! Compliment people. This step follows directly from
loving human beings for who they are. Always look for the good in
people and remind them of why they're fantastic to be around. It's
very hard to resist someone who notices the best in you. Once you
feel good about yourself and confident in your own direction, your
senses will awaken to seeing the good in others and it'll be easy to
point out what you appreciate about them. There is much to appreciate
about others in your life, including how much you enjoy their
company, how you're inspired by their spirit or independent nature,
how much you love their loyalty to their family, or even how much you
admire the choices they've made in their lives from pets to jobs.
Read How to compliment people and How to give compliments to people
who won't take them for more advice.
* Compliments are good for everyone; give them readily to family,
friends, lovers, colleagues, and strangers.
* Receive all compliments with a hearty _Thank You!_. Rejecting
compliments is a form of disliking yourself and distrusting
others. And that's not sexy. Look at it this way too – even if
the compliment isn't genuine, so what. It's out there in the world
for you to grab and make good with. Read How to take compliments
for more advice.
* Find the common interest. Try and find the common ground when
talking with another person. This means you meet at the same level
and connect on something you both feel comfortable about. When
spending time talking with other people, always aim to find this
common ground to further cement your appeal. Use compliments to
reassure them that you're on their wavelength.
Don't age discriminate. Sex appeal has longevity. For many people,
sex appeal increases with age and there is definitely no reason to
think you "lose it" after any particular age. From movies to book
characters, it's clear that older men are considered sexy. And while
women's sexiness into older age has been downplayed in the past,
nowadays women are also proving that being older is no barrier to
having great sex appeal.[3] [3] Older age brings some of the
following benefits for enduring sex appeal:
* You don't have kids in tow. They can dampen the sexiest of moments
but when you're older, responsibility for kids is no longer in the
picture and won't be again either! This is liberating because both
parties don't need to fear being dragged into a relationship for
the sake of having kids. Fashion model Cindy Joseph, who was
discovered as a model in her 50s, makes the prescient comment that
around older women, _"men have no fear of ownership or
possession"_.[4] Her comment cuts both ways, as many women reach a
stage where they don't want to feel this sense of relationship
possessiveness [4] either.
* There is less competitiveness in relationships when people age.
Older people tend to have assuaged their fears of being "left on
the shelf" and are less competitive toward one another over issues
of love, power, and control.[5] [5] This allows for deeper
concentration on others instead of being driven by the
inward-looking behavior that fear creates, opening you up to
greater levels of connection.
* Experience makes most of us wiser and stronger. There is something
very alluring about people who are comfortable with themselves
because they've already been through the challenges of life and
come out the other side more knowledgeable, more compassionate,
and accepting.
* Many older people are not afraid to be their real selves. They're
through with pretending to like things they don't like, to try and
look like people they've nothing in common with, or to be pining
after lifestyles that are artificial or unobtainable.
* Just believe in you. Finally, but most importantly, sex
appeal isn't something to labor over. The hard work is done when
you build your self-confidence, learn to love others for who they
are, and find your purpose in this world. Sex appeal tends to
exude as the fruit of your ongoing personal development. So the
best advice after all this advice is to not try too hard to have
sex appeal. Provided you've learned to love yourself and others
well, it'll come naturally.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* People with sex appeal tend to appeal to everyone, young, old,
male, female, baby, senior citizen. This is because they resonate
with the other person and show interest in them for who they are,
showing genuine interest. In a way, this about flirting with
everyone!
* Pretty is as pretty does. Be the person you believe yourself to be
on the inside. Attractiveness is not just about physical
qualities. Charisma, magnetism and confidence are far more
attractive than a stereotypically "beautiful" person with a nasty
attitude.
* Stand tall and be observant. If you find someone who may have been
glancing in your direction, walk over and start a conversation.
The best line to use is "Hi my name is (state your name clearly
and confidently) and how are you?" Don't wait for the other person
to initiate.
* Pretending to be someone or something that doesn't fit within the
person you really are is a recipe for disaster and a promise of a
life of discomfort. Remember the Chinese proverb: "Tension is the
person you think you ought to be; relaxation is the person you
really are". Natural charm really is the most alluring.
* Be a little mysterious. While it's important to be open about your
feelings, your love for life and for others, it's also a good idea
to keep back some things, especially for romantic purposes. A
little mystery goes a long way. This is similar to the advice to
not wear clothes that are too revealing; leaving some things to
the imagination is always more appealing than revealing all.
!! Warnings !!
* Take an honest and objective look at yourself in the mirror before
you step out. Make sure what you see is the image you are trying
to portray. Too many times we fall prey to images we think we
ought to project rather than the one that is truly us, and that
creates a lot of inner tension. That tension reduces our appeal
because we're suffering from an internal struggle. Nobody wants to
take on other people's internal struggles; they've got their own
to contend with. The more you present an image that is in line
with the person you are and feel comfortable with, the more your
sex appeal will increase.
* Not everyone will find you appealing, or see you as having "sex
appeal". The answer to that is: So what? Just keep being the
pleasant, divine, and wonderful person you are and leave the
negaholics to fight their own battles.
* Avoid wearing clothes that make you look as if you needed a
smaller or bigger size, or clothes that do not accent the positive
and downplay the negative. Avoid using clothes as a means to hide
from the world; if you find yourself doing this regularly, it's a
good idea to talk this through with someone you trust because it's
likely that your emotional issues are driving your clothing
choices and you might be avoiding a much-needed healing process.
* Don't lead people on. They may find this offensive, feel rejected
and become angry or upset. Learn how to embrace all comers in your
life but also learn how to gracefully unhook yourself from their
presence when you've had enough or realize they're not the person
you feel like being around. Respect the person but also respect
your boundaries and assertively, politely, remove yourself from
their space.
* Listen to the feedback other people offer, either positive or
negative. Do more of what generates positive feedback and less of
what generates negative feedback. This isn't a reason to become
self-critical though; it's a really useful sounding board for
self-improvement where you know deep within that the suggested
adjustments will make things better for you. Provided you think
critically about other people's feedback, you'll know what
criticism to reject.
* Showing tummy overhang and butt cracks does *not* increase your
sex appeal!
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Be Charming
* How to Be Charismatic
* How to Become Sexy
* How to Be a Beautiful Curvy Woman
* How to Have Presence
* How to Be Confident
* How to Be the Life and Soul of Any Party
* How to Become Sexy (for Boys Only)
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
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[1] http://www.wikihow.com/Become-a-Resilient-Person
[2] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-1
[3] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-2
[4] http://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-a-Manipulative-or-Controlling-Relationship
[5] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-4
