[1]
Everyone has an inner dialogue that runs day and night signaling what
to do, what to say, and how to feel. Most of time, people just go
through the day unaware of the impact their inner thoughts have on
their everyday behavior.
Though, what we say to ourselves has serious ramifications,
particularly if the thoughts are critical, worrisome, and victimizing.
*You probably don't notice many of the thoughts you're reacting to
because they've become automatic.* They arrive spontaneously and can
be tough to recognize. Thoughts can be like tapes playing over and
over in your head, and when negative, can tell you things like,
"you're not good enough," "you'll never get over this
problem," and "what if something horrible happens?"
If this sounds familiar, it's likely that these self-defeating
thought patterns have been a part of your self-identity for a long
time. They're just like a bad habit you can't seem to break, and
maybe don't really recognize you're engaging in half the time.
They seem to be a part of who you are, and how you interact with the
world.
*Don't let your inner-critic control who you are and what you can
become. These thoughts are often irrational, and don't have much
ground in reality*. Think about how much of the worrying you do
actually comes to fruition? For most people, it's not much.
*_"I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never
happened."_* – Mark Twain
It's time to tame your gremlin and manage that inner critic?
*Separate thinking, feeling, and acting*
Recognize when you have limiting and critical thoughts, and accept
you're going to feel anxious, inadequate, and uncertain at first.
Begin to understand this connection between thinking and feeling, and
break the identification with the feelings that accompany negative
thoughts.
You need to recognize how these thoughts make you feel and pay
attention to the physical sensations that accompany these destructive
thoughts and emotions. This can mean paying attention to your bodily
reaction first. How does your body change? Do you get butterflies in
your stomach of feel nauseous? Does your heart rate increase and palms
start to sweat?
This can be easier than noticing your thoughts, as thoughts can be
automatic.
*Most importantly, separate your behavior from thinking. Don't let
feelings of inadequacy prevent you from taking action and moving
forward in life.* Don't immediately react to your thoughts. Be
willing to separate the irrational thought from what is really going
on, before reacting and jumping to conclusions.
Learning to recognize how thinking, feeling, and acting influence each
other, helps you to develop emotional awareness, and to start
monitoring and managing negative thoughts and behaviors.
*Teach yourself a new way of thinking: "Challenge" negative
thoughts*
_Use the ABC model to help manage your thoughts and feelings_
*A* = _Actual Event_: State the actual situation that brought on the
emotional state.
*B* = _Beliefs_: Describe your thoughts and beliefs about the
situation that created these emotions and behaviors.
*C* = _Challenge_: Dispute the negative thoughts and replace them with
accurate and positive statements.
It's time to realize that the thoughts you have are driving you
life. You have been habitually thinking yourself into your current
situation, and probably don't believe you can change the way you
feel.
Though, this can be done by recognizing the thoughts you're having
and replacing any negative thoughts with more positive statements.
When you start to notice your bodies' reaction to anxious and
detrimental thinking, you can start to become present, consider how
you want to react, take a step back, relax, and rationalize what's
really going on. This is where the "Challenge" step comes into
play.
*Start to counter negative self-talk with questioning and supportive
statements.*
If you experience critical, worrying, or victimizing thoughts, ask
yourself, "What is the evidence for this?" "Am I being fair and
objective with this thought?"
If you can realize the foolishness in your previous negative thought,
then provide a counter-thought, or positive statement to replace the
negative thought.
*Pay close attention to your triggers*
Start noticing the thoughts you're having, and write down any that
cause worry, anxiety, or distress. You may have to keep a log or diary
to gain the necessary self-awareness to make serious progress.
*After you capture the thought in writing, consider*:
What was the trigger for this thought?
How did it make me feel?
How did I react?
*Pay attention to what you're doing and who you're with when the
negative thinking emerges. This will help you gain insight into those
people and places that can prompt self-limiting thoughts.*
Again, provide an alternative way you could experience the situation,
write down your counterstatement and REHEARSE!
Keep focusing on healthy positive statement and begin training your
thinking patterns to change the way you feel. This will ultimately
start to change the way you act and the activities you pursue. Notice
how these new thoughts make you feel, and the new quality of life that
is emerging.
It may take awhile, but eventually these new thoughts will make you
feel more confident, assured, and resilient. With awareness and
practice you can start to discredit your negative thinking, and
recognize you were meant to feel good and be great.
_Bio: Joe is an entrepreneur and coach who manages the blog Shake off
the Grind [2], where he helps people find success through the up's
and downs of life. You can also find Joe on Twitter [3]._
_Don't forget to follow PTB on Twitter [4]!_
Links:
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[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/wp-content/blogs.dir/22/files/HLIC/f3bfa7fb5542922aae4a72e7d0854b3d.jpg
[2] http://www.shakeoffthegrind.com
[3] http://twitter.com/shakethegrind
[4] http://www.twitter.com/pickthebrain
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