Be more confident: October 2010

Sunday, 31 October 2010

How to Deal With Psychic Vampires

Psychic vampires (psi-vampires) are said to be people who
drain "life force" or will from a susceptible person.[1]
There are different definitions for a psychic vampire, and
for what constitutes your "life force". In this article, it
is assumed that a psychic vampire refers to the persons in
your life who seem to be all take and no give, who drain
your energies through relentless demands and taking
advantage of you, leaving you feeling vulnerable, exhausted,
and run down. It should also be recognized that not all of
those who could be viewed as psychic vampires are
necessarily bad; it may be that you've a lot to learn about
not letting people take advantage of you so easily or that
friends of yours who drain you haven't learned to control
their overly energetic nature. In this article, you'll get a
good start at learning to deal with psychic vampires.

!! Steps !!

Identify when someone is behaving in a way that undermines your
energy or exploits you while fulfilling their own needs. There are
intentional and non-intentional psychic vampires, namely people who
purposefully seek to drain energy from another person to serve their
own ends and those who don't mean harm but connect too strongly with
others and drain them without realizing.

* Conscious or intentional psychic vampires are manipulative people
who seek to take all they can from others without ever giving in
return. When pressed, they rarely give away information in any
detail and refuse to build up much of a picture of their own lives
but live under an aura of mystery and aloofness.[2] They may claim
to be able to do fantastical things, like being able to live
forever, able to move things with thoughts, or put out fires
through thought, etc.,[3] but when pressed, they won't provide
much evidence.[4] They are often arrogant, angry, and controlling;
they'll also try to befriend leaders or powerful people in order
to use these people as part of their manipulative influence.
They'll often insist that they're right, period, and won't listen
to your perspective but will argue theirs eternally.

* Unknowing or non-intentional psychic vampires are people who
manage to drain your energy through constant questioning and
seeking ideas from you without really contributing anything novel
of their own. They're often disorganized people who might be
really lovely to know and incredibly intelligent but who never
manage to sort out their own life and expect your help to achieve
this all the time. As soon as a pattern is set, they're lulled
into expecting you'll always be on hand to help them.

* Both types of psi-vampires tend to see the world negatively and
bring forth complaints as conversation starters. This is so that
they can start to drain you of your energy and draw from your
positive reactions and solutions.[5]

Know yourself. People most prone to being drained of energy by
others are people whose own boundaries are weak or ill-defined,
and who tend to be people pleasers, unwilling to say "no" and
afraid of ever being seen to let down anyone else.

* Get yourself checked out by a doctor before blaming people around
you for "draining your energy". You might have ME, chronic fatigue
syndrome, fibromyalgia, poor nutrition, or any other underlying
medical condition that needs treatment. Granted, it may be
worsened by hanging around energy-draining psi-vampires but you
have the upper hand in fixing it if you know you've got it.

* Talk to a counselor or therapist if you have problems with your
emotions, feelings, and interactions with other people.

* Improve your fitness and immune system. If your physical strength
and immune system are under par, you'll naturally feel more
vulnerable to a lot of life's vicissitudes, and this can leave you
open to people who prey on weaknesses. Eat healthily, exercise
regularly, and maintain your overall health.

Find powerful ways to resist. The most powerful word is "no".
Instead of allowing yourself to remain a doormat or a people
pleaser, learn to say "no" when you're not able to fulfill a
request or demand, or you're simply not interested in doing what
the other person wants of you.

* If your assertiveness skills are lacking, a psi-vampire
personality will seek you out. Improve them by reading up on how
to be more assertive and seeing a counselor to guide you if
needed.

* Avoid people who drain your energy. Work out which people leave
you feeling washed out and used up and do your best to avoid them.
If you can't do that and you're cornered by them, avoid answering
their questions or probing. In refusing to provide much by the way
of information, they'll soon pass on to someone else.[6]

* Be polite to psychic vampires who are in positions of authority,
such as a boss or community leader. Be evasive about giving them
information you're not willing to provide and only do what's
required of you in your role. If at work, try to work away from a
person like this as much as possible. Never tell them what to do
but stand up for your own methods by telling them you respect
their approach but find yours works too.

* Be particularly vigilant with people who know the effect they're
having. Dr van Neumig considers this person the most dangerous
type of psychic vampire because he or she is manipulative,
devious, cunning, and power-hungry.[7] Such a person won't
hesitate to use you for their own ends and to discard you when you
work out what's going on. However, rather than fearing such a
situation, you owe it to yourself to not be gullible or blindsided
by such a person; always stay alert to any signs of a person
trying to control you by wearing you down and listening to your
gut feeling about not wanting to follow through on anything such a
person suggests.

Find help from someone skilled in dealing with psychic vampires.
There are healing arts practitioners who claim to be skilled at
helping others to deal with psi-vampires effectively.

Don't believe that this person has a right to control your life.
Power granted to another to control your life will usually be
abused. By taking responsibility for your own life and removing
the hold that the other person has over you, you will destroy the
link that binds you to the psychic vampire.

* Believe that this person has no ability to harm or control you.
Keep thinking this all of the time and it will rebound on the
psychic vampire.[8]

Find other ways to shield yourself from the psychic connection with
this person.

* Wear colors of protection. Purple is the color associated with
psychic protection.[9] Wear a purple piece of clothing, or
jewelery to ward off the psychic vibes.

* Build a psychic wall of protection around yourself, or a bubble of
light. Seek to have their negativity and draining bounce off this
wall whenever you're interacting with them.[10] Read books or
articles on how to develop or build psychic protection – there
are many possible ways.

* Give this person a humorous warning that you're up to their tricks
– a rope of garlic, a small wooden stake, etc.[11] Add a card
with a quirky message like "Quit draining me". While you're being
funny, the other person will probably be offended by this, so
expect to be burning a bridge between the two of you, as psychic
vampires rarely have a sense of humor.

* Be responsible for yourself. Ultimately, it's unsatisfactory to
move through life seeking to blame others for how you're feeling
and to postpone your own responsibility to self-improve. While
there are manipulative and difficult psi-vampire types out there,
you're not helping by insisting it's all their fault. If you're
putting life on hold and letting someone else direct it for you or
push you where you'd rather not go, move past spotting the demons
around you and start checking out the ones within. Demolish them
and the psi-vampires won't alight on your doorstep anymore.

!! Tips !!

* Some psi-vampires are very similar to persons with narcissistic
personality disorders, particularly those who seek to manipulate
and divide and conquer in order to get what they want out of life.
Reading up on that disorder will help you to spot and deflect that
type of psi-vampire.

* Psychic vampires are also known as emotional vampires,
psi-vampires, or PVs.[12]

* Avoid adopting a victim mentality, and keep this all in
perspective. Finding a scapegoat for your bad reactions can become
a learned habit of its own that you're better off unlearning. Many
draining personalities have their own weaknesses and inabilities
to draw boundaries, which is probably why they're attracted to
another person with ill-defined boundaries and vulnerabilities.
Perhaps you're peas in a pod needling one another's weaknesses
because you both know them only too well.

!! Warnings !!

* Don't fob off a psi-vampire onto someone else you know just to get
the psi-vampire off your back. With care, warn other people
targeted by the psi-vampire and support them to keep out of this
person's clutches.

* Try to avoid psi-vampires online. You'll know them by the fact
that you feel sickened constantly when interacting with them and
all they ever feed you are complaints and negativity.[13]

* Be mindful of the possibility that you might just be a psi-vampire
yourself even if you're feeling somewhat a victim. If you're the
type of person who drains others (have you checked?), it's still
possible to be drained by other drainers in what becomes a sort of
vicious cycle whereby each of you feeds off one another for an
energy refill, draining one another. Be the first to break the
cycle!

!! Things You'll Need !!

* Books and materials on self-esteem building or assertiveness

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Be Assertive

* How to Communicate in an Assertive Manner

* How to Go from Passive to Assertive

* How to Build Self Confidence

!! Sources And Citations !!

!! Article Tools !!

* Read on wikiHow

How to Make Venison Jerky

Here is a proven recipe that will make great deer jerky.
Follow the instructions to make a healthy, at-home version
that will keep for one to two months.

!! Ingredients !!

* 2 lbs (907g) deer meat cut into 1/2 x 1/4 inch (12.7mm x 6.35mm)
thick strips; use only the best pieces

Marinade:

* 1 tsp onion powder

* 1 tsp black pepper

* 1/4 cup soy sauce

* 1 tbsp salt

* 1 tsp garlic powder or 1/2 cup chopped raw garlic

* 1/3 cup Worcestershire sauce

!! Steps !!

Understand the safety implications before commencing. Drying meat at
home carries risks if the bacteria are not adequately destroyed. As
such, it is important to take all safety precautions during the
preparation of venison jerky.[1]

* When raw meat or poultry is dehydrated at home — either in a
warm oven or a food dehydrator — to make jerky which will be
stored on the shelf, pathogenic bacteria are likely to survive the
dry heat of a warm oven and especially the 130 to 140 °F of a
food dehydrator.[2]

* Wash your hands with soap and warm water before commencing. Repeat
hand washing throughout the process. Wash all implements and items
used thoroughly as well.

* Ensure that the venison has been kept refrigerated at 40 °F or
slightly below.

Mix together all ingredients for the marinade. Place in an easily
poured container.

Pour the marinade over the meat. Leave to marinate overnight in the
refrigerator. Either place it into a container with a lid, or Ziploc
bags work just as well.

* The venison pieces should all be cut the same thickness, with the
standard being a 1/4 inch (6.35mm).[3] This ensures that the
venison jerky pieces will all cook evenly at the same time.

* In line with USDA advice, consider steaming or cooking the venison
to 160ºF (71ºC) before dehydrating it.

* Remove the venison pieces from the fridge. Drain well.

An example of placement of jerky in the oven Preheat the oven at a
very low setting of around 200ºF (93ºC).

* Place the meat strips either directly onto the oven racks (line
the base of the oven with foil to catch splatters), or placed on a
cooling rack sitting on a cookie sheet brushed lightly with
vegetable oil. Another neat alternative is to pierce each piece of
venison with a toothpick and hang it from the upper rack of the
oven.[4]

* Place in the oven and leave to dry. This will take about 4 to 6
hours. If you've laid the jerky flat on a cookie sheet, it's
important to turn the jerky about halfway, to ensure that it dries
evenly. Otherwise, if it's hanging or sitting over the rack, it's
good to stay.

* It's a good idea to leave the door open just a few inches or
centimetres to allow the moisture to escape.[5]

* Remove from the oven once dehydrated. Leave to cool
completely before placing into airtight storage; there should be
no moisture present at all. Consume within 1–2 months.[6]

!! Microwave Version !!

* Use the microwave rather than the oven if preferred. After
marinating the strips, hang over a microwave roasting rack. Set
the microwave oven to high. Cook for 4–6 minutes. For every half
a minute after 4 minutes, stop the oven and check the consistency
and color of the jerky. When it changes from brown to dark brown
and looks like jerky (leathery), it's ready.

* Store as outlined above.

!! Video !!

!! Tips !!

* If using a food dehydrator to dry the venison jerky, use a
dehydrator with an adjustable temperature dial that will maintain
a temperature of at least 130 to 140 °F throughout the drying
process. Follow the dehydration instructions provided with your
dehydrator if you do choose this method.

* Jerky can be dried in a smoker if you have one. Follow the
instructions for your smoker, or your experience of using it; keep
the temperature to at least 150ºF (65ºC).[7] Only smoke lightly
as the smoke can turn the venison bitter in flavor. It will take
around 4 to 8 hours to dry in a smoker.

* The marinade can be made sweet and mild, or hot and spicy. Just
add your favorite spices and flavorings. There are many marinade
variants; use the one that best fits your needs and tastes.

* Jerky weighs around one fourth its original raw weight.

* Note that how the meat is sliced affects the ease of eating the
jerky. Venison that has been sliced across the grain is easier to
bite off than venison that has been sliced along the grain, which
is chewier.[8] However, venison sliced across the grain won't be
as visually appealing because it tends to break off more easily.

* If cutting your own slices of venison for making the jerky, it is
easier to cut when the meat is still partially frozen. Take care
when cutting, and remember to thaw only in the refrigerator.

!! Warnings !!

* It is not recommended to dry jerky using the sun, in case the
bacteria are not sufficiently destroyed by this process.

* Do not make the mistake of leaving the meat out of the
refrigerator to marinate; if this happens, the meat will have to
be discarded.

* Know the source and quality of the venison used because there are
special considerations when making homemade jerky from venison or
other wild game. According to Keene and others, "Venison can be
heavily contaminated with fecal bacteria — the degree varying
with the hunter's skill, wound location, and other factors. While
fresh beef is usually rapidly chilled, deer carcasses are
typically held at ambient temperatures, potentially allowing
bacteria multiplication."[9]

* If using frozen venison, defrost it in the fridge, not on the
bench.

* If your jerky is too tough, it's likely that you had the oven
temperature cranked up too high.

!! Things You'll Need !!

* Marinade bowl or jug.

* Marinating container, or Ziploc bag

* Oven rack – be sure to clean it well prior to, and after, use

* Foil

* Cookie sheet, cooling rack (optional) - tongs for turning over
venison strips

* Toothpicks (optional)

* Oven mitts (for cleanliness as well as for heat)

* Oven or dehydrator

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Make Beef Jerky

* How to Make Biltong (South African Beef Jerky)

* How to Sell Beef Jerky

* How to Make Spicy Beef Jerky

* How to Avoid Food Poisoning

!! Sources And Citations !!

* USDA, Food Safety of Jerky,
http://www.fsis.usda.gov/Fact_Sheets/jerky_and_food_safety/index.asp,
public domain resource used in body of article.

!! Article Tools !!

* Read on wikiHow

How to Play Myachi

The Blue Dragon, a favorite Myachi for collectors Myachi
(mee-ah-chee) is skill toy that combines the fluid motions
of martial arts with the old-school fun of footbag by
utilizing every part of the body except the palm of the
hands; this exception provides for a lot of the fun! There
are thousands of tricks to master and dozens of games you
can play.

!! Steps !!

Choose the right Myachi for you. Myachis come in a variety of
different fabrics, with some fabrics being a bit easier for
beginners than others. Most beginners prefer a corduroy or
micro-suede material when they first start, as these fabrics break
in (soften up) quickly and have excellent grip.

* Check that you have some finger knugz as well. These little fabric
bands come with most Myachis and are intended to slip onto your
fingers. They improve your grip and provide traction for the
Myachi.

Break in your Myachi. You can jam with a Myachi right away, but
it will be a bit stiff when it comes out of the package. To
counteract that, rub the Myachi in your hands or twist it
vigorously for a few minutes.

* Many dedicated Myachi players break in their new sacks by wetting
them or washing them with hand soap. Read Break in a hacky sack or
a Myachi for more details.

Learn the basic back handed catch. The only rule in Myachi is "No
Palms Allowed", so nearly every part of the body will be used,
but most often, you'll be catching on the back of your hand.
Start by simply tossing the sack from one backhand to the other.

* Maintain the proper hand position the whole time. Keep your
fingers spread with about an inch (2.5cm) of space between each
finger and, most importantly, keep your thumb up. This will
broaden your hand and give you more surface area on which to catch
the Myachi.

* Remember to give with it, absorbing the Myachi instead of hitting
or batting it. Aim for a light catch on the back of the hand.

Learn some basic tricks. It's a good idea to use videos to teach
you the basic Myachi tricks because written instructions are not
as clear as visual demonstrations. Do a search on YouTube for the
official Myachi channel,[1] or check out videos made by Myachi
enthusiasts.

* Read Jam and Play With a Myachi for a start.

* Learn the "360''. This is the one of the most basic tricks with
the Myachi. Start with a single rotation, then add a second
rotation. Once you're confident, try a third rotation.

* Learn the "Cold Fusion". Keep practicing until you have the feel
for the timing that is essential to getting Cold Fusion right.

* Try the "Under the Leg". This move is more advanced and you'll
need to be both flexible and good at judging the leg space or the
Myachi risks hitting the underside of your leg.

* Keep learning new moves, including the "Halfpipe", the "Behind the
Back", the "Trampoline", the "Daredevil", and the "Flying
Clipper".

* Practice often. The beauty of Myachi is that it can be played
almost anywhere because it takes very little room. This means you
can practice with your Myachi when you're in a waiting room, in
your bedroom, standing in line, watching TV, or waiting for your
turn on the XBox. Continue to practice moves even after you've
learned them, to increase your speed and consistency.

* Push yourself. Try to learn harder variations of the tricks you've
already mastered. For example, if you've perfected the 360, it's
time to start working on the 720.

* Practice transitions and combos. Myachi tricks are fun, but a
full-on shred with a number of tricks is a thing of beauty. To
shred like the pros, you'll need to learn to combine your tricks
together and move from one to another fluidly and that only comes
with practice. Try practicing a series of five or six moves in the
same order until you can flow between them.
Get creative! Half the fun of the game is that you can create your
own tricks and combos. Just remember the only rule that applies is
"No Palms Allowed".

* Teach your friends. Like most games, Myachi is more fun when you
play with someone.

!! Video !!

!! Tips !!

* Seek advice from the experts. The web is filled with myachi forums
and newsgroups, so search around a bit.

* Perservere! Remember that dropping is a sign of learning. Don't
let the tougher tricks discourage you; keep trying until you
master it.

* Learn the tricks in a logical order. You're going to have a lot of
trouble learning an Instep 360 if you haven't already mastered an
Instep Stall, a Toe 360 and a Gui, so if a trick is driving you
nuts, pull back and learn each trick one piece at a time.

* If you end up pinching the Myachi between your fingers, move it to
the back of your hand as smoothly as possible.

!! Warnings !!

* Myachi can be addictive.

* Some of the tricks might challenge your balance or flexibility.
Use your own best judgement when trying a trick for the first
time.

!! Things You'll Need !!

* Myachi

* Finger Knugz (optional)

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Break in a Hacky Sack or a Myachi

* How to Jam With the Myachi

* How to Play Hacky Sack

* How to Play Hacky Sack in a Group

* How to Toe Stall a Foot Bag

!! Sources And Citations !!

!! Article Tools !!

* Read on wikiHow

Saturday, 30 October 2010

How to Look After Pets During Fireworks

Bang! Fireworks can upset pets in many ways.Eighty percent of pet
owners have owned a pet afraid of fireworks.[1] Do you constantly
worry about your pets during firework displays close to your home?
Do you fear you may come home to find that your pets are unhappy
or, even worse, dead because of the extremely loud noises? If you
can't ask for quieter fireworks, you will have to do the best you
can to comfort your pet. Here are the ways to keep your pet safe
and cared for during fireworks.

!! Steps !!

Know when fireworks will be happening and how
they'll impact your home. Contact your local
municipality to find out when your area is
likely to have fireworks. Mark the dates on a
calendar so that you can keep track of when to
ensure your pets are cared for. If you know or
suspect that the fireworks will be heard at your
house, take the precautions outlined in the
following steps.

* Check that your pets' ID tags and microchips are in date; mark the
calendar when renewal payments are due and be sure to make the
payments. If your pet does go running off during fireworks events,
it's much easier to be able to identify its ownership with these
features.

* Fireworks upset pets as a result of the noise, smell of sulfur,
and flashing lights.[2]

Prepare the house. The house becomes your pets'
safety zone, so it's important to prepare it
properly.

* Keep some lights on. Keeping a light on will calm your pet and
make him feel more secure, rather than being scared in a dark
room.

* Dampen the noise. Close the curtains in the room and, if your
animal is a caged one, cover up the cage in a thick blanket, but
make sure it is breathable so your animal doesn't suffocate. This
will also help to stop the flashes of light affecting your pet.

* Plan to use familiar noise to drown out the fireworks noise with
stereo music or the TV, or other sounds that are more familiar for
your pet. Just make sure not to play these noises ridiculously
loud.

Provide suitable sleeping spotsPrepare the room. Select a
suitable room where you will contain the pets for the duration
of the fireworks. An inner room that is least impacted by the
noise is ideal. It should be a room that you can close off to
prevent your pet from running about the house and injuring
itself, wrecking furniture, etc. If you have more than one pet,
be sure they don't mind being confined in the same room, or
select several rooms for different pets. For example, dogs and
cats will usually appreciate being kept separate.

* Make the room cozy. Put down familiar, clean bedding somewhere
pleasant such as under a table, on or behind a chair, etc. Add
some familiar chew toys, scratch pads, balls, etc., to keep your
pets amused and distracted.

* Ensure that the room temperature is pleasant; warm if it's cold
weather, or cool if it's hot weather.

* Consider whether sound might be soothing. If your pet is used to
music, turn some on at normal volume. Also, the sound of rainwater
is very soothing to pets.

* Use lavender. This is optional, but you might like to use lavender
scented items to help calm your pet. Use a spray or gently bruise
the leaves and flowers of some fresh plants. Just make sure that
it's out of reach of your pet. Using heated scent oils or incense
is *not* recommended as a frantic pet can knock them over and
start a fire or injure themselves.

* Add a litter tray for cats.

* Remove any sharp items from the room in case your pet starts
jumping or running around.

Keep your own worry under controlPrepare yourself. In the desire
to ease our pet's pain, sometimes we can transfer some of our
anxiety and upset to the pet. If you've prepared properly in
advance, there is no need to feel upset and worried as you can
be reassured about the safety of your pet.

* Realize that the startled and frantic reactions of your pet are
often the principal source of your own upset.[3] Being ready for
their reactions can help to keep you calm as well.

Confine your pet. Half an hour to an hour
before the fireworks are due to be set off,
place your pet into the chosen room. If you're
concerned about not being able to locate your
pet (for example, cats aren't always easy to
find), consider finding your pet several hours
earlier. Mealtime is a good time to round up
every pet, provided it falls before the
fireworks are set off. If your dog needs a
walk, be sure to walk her before confining her.

* Even if your pet is caged, place it into the secure and
comfortable room you've selected.

* If your pet is a horse or other farm animal, make sure it has
clean bedding and is inside the stable or barn.

* Provide food and hydration. Be sure to leave
sufficient water and food for your pet in the confinement space.
Many pets will be uneasy, or even frantic. If your pet has access
to water, it will help calm him, and food supplied in your pet's
regular portion will make him feel like it's a normal day.
Keep an eye on your pet, and if possible, stay
with her. Comfort her and talk to her. Be
friendly but don't fuss over her too much; this
can increase her anxiety if she picks up on
yours and can reward and encourage fearful
behavior.[4] If it's not possible to stay with
her, (perhaps because you're out or busy (you
may be at the firework display), don't worry -
the previous steps should ensure that your pet
has been adequately cared for.

* Allow your pet to hide somewhere in the room if wished. It's your
pet's way of coping (a "bolthole")[5] and dragging them out of a
safe spot can increase their anxiety levels. Don't fuss over her
too much.

Check on your pet after the fireworks. Reassure
him and remove the protection (blankets, etc.)
as long as you're sure that the loud fireworks
are over. Let him have free run of the house to
see how he behaves before considering letting
him return outside (it might be best to wait
until morning, if possible). Check for signs of
stress in your pet:[6]

* For cats, signs of stress include running away, soiling the house,
hiding away and refusing to eat.

* For dogs, signs of stress include barking a lot, running away,
soiling the house, hiding and cowering, clinging to owners,
whimpering, trembling and shaking, pacing and panting, and
refusing to eat.

* If your pet is stressed, keep him indoors overnight. Keep a litter
tray somewhere in the house, or walk a dog after the fireworks but
don't let him off his harness and be sure to stay with him the
whole time.

* Do a yard sweep before letting your pets back
outside. Collect any sparklers, firecrackers, etc., as well as
party items and broken objects. This will prevent your pet from
being injured by unfamiliar objects.

!! Video !!

!! Tips !!

* Act normally and calmly around your pet. Giving off nervous vibes
will not help.

* Vets can prescribe mild sedatives or tranquilizing drugs but some
require administering weeks in advance.[7] Horses and dogs may
require sedation.[8] Any medication should be given on the advice
of your vet only.

* Sensitivity to noise can increase as pets age.[9]

* If your pet is litter or pee pad trained, place those items in
there; it's not a good idea to let your pet pee everywhere!

* See your vet if your pet doesn't seem to have recovered after the
event.

* Desensitization techniques might help your pet feel less anxious
around loud noises, such as using CDs of fireworks, trains,
thunder, etc., starting soft and gradually increasing the
volume.[10] This should be done with your vet's advice only.

* Adding cotton wool to your dog's ears can help to muffle the sound
if your dog will allow you to do this.[11]

* The tips provided in this article can also apply in the case of
other noisy events, such as traffic parades, storms (thunder),
large crowds of people near your house, etc.

!! Warnings !!

* Lock your doors and close your windows if you're not going to be
home. Pets can be stolen during firework displays if they're left
outside of there is easy access to an unlocked house.

* Avoid taking your pets to a fireworks event.

* Don't leave a pet outside, as it will be incredibly loud out
there. Don't even leave your dog tethered and outdoors; your dog
has nowhere to go and will find the combination of the noise and
restraint terrifying.

* *Never* let off fireworks next to or near your pet.

* Be careful about what you put in the room if you are going to be
leaving the pet alone in there. Don't put a fire on to keep them
warm, as it is a hazard. Also, don't put any sharp objects or
things that could hurt the pet in there.

* Make sure there is nothing valuable in the room if your pet is
likely to break/damage it when scared.

* If you give your pet a new toy or chew bone, make sure it's
"indestructible" so that your pet doesn't choke on little pieces
while you are gone.

* Never punish a pet for its reaction to fireworks; not only this
wrong but it will reinforce the fear.

!! Things You\'ll Need !!

* Inner room

* Food and water

* Bedding

* Toys

* Shutters, curtains, etc., to muffle noise

* TV, stereo noise (if appropriate)

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Photograph Fireworks

* How to Be Safe With Fireworks

* How to Set up a Fireworks Show

* How to Introduce New Pets

* How to Keep Pets off of the Furniture

* How to Be Nice to Your Pets

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How to Fix a Huge Argument with Your Girlfriend

It's bad enough to have a little tiff with your beloved one,
but what do you do when you've had the mother of all
arguments? Even if it didn't turn into a knock-down, name
calling, drag-out fight, both of you can end up nursing
resentment, anger, and a lot of residual upset. Here's how
to put things right - or decide if it's time to go your
separate ways.

!! Steps !!

Accept your upset and unsettled feelings. In the wake of a serious
argument, both of you are likely to feel anxious and fearful. Will
you break up? Will things work out? Rather than becoming clingy,
controlling, or needy - very unattractive, and unhealthy to boot -
just accept the fact that after a fight, you will both feel a
little bruised and tender. It's normal to feel upset and unsettled.
The key is to simply ride out these feelings, behave normally, and
to let the fight go. As you go on with your life together, the
"leftovers" of this fight _will_ fade away.

Analyze the cause of the fight honestly. Once things are calmer,
first you should individually begin to truly analyze and examine
the root of the argument. Is it a repeat - have you had this
argument before? Or is this a new issue? Did you give in, simply
to have the fight end? Or, did you find yourself doggedly
defending your position, even though in truth you no longer wanted
to?

* If you're revisiting a subject often, with the result that you
argue each time, you may need to face the fact that this issue
could be a deal-breaker for you as a couple. However, if you
realize after it's all over and the dust has settled that the
argument was not as critical as one or both of you now believe,
you can take steps to eliminate that cause as a future argument in
the making.

Decide whether you want to be right, or stay in this relationship.
Stubbornly holding onto anger and defending a position which has
resulted in a stalemate will only poison your relationship in the
end. When neither of you will budge, both believing you're in the
right, one of you will have to make a move. If it's you, there's a
good chance you'll stay together (whether you should or not is
debatable at this point). If you won't, there's a good chance she
will leave - or you will. If you want to stay together, suck it up
and apologize.

* You don't have to admit you were wrong - besides, that would be a
lie. But you do have to put an end to the fight. For example: "I
don't know if we're ever going to see eye to eye on this, but I do
know that I love you and don't want to fight any more. Please, can
we let this drop? I feel so bad to see you so upset with me. I'm
sorry for letting the fight get so out of hand. Can you forgive
me, and let's move on?"

Agree to disagree. If you cannot agree to disagree on this
subject, you'll end up breaking up with your girlfriend. However,
if, even though you still don't see eye to eye on this issue, you
can simply realize that your girlfriend is an intelligent,
thoughtful person with an opinion differing from your own, then
you can choose to let the argument go. In other words, realizing
you cannot persuade her to change her mind, simply accept your
difference of opinion, be the bigger man (or woman), and take the
high road.

Avoid that subject in the future. If this argument does _not_ come
up frequently, then don't go looking for trouble. Once you've
determined that you'll never agree, accept that fact - and _truly_
apply your acceptance of that fact. From that point on, do not
take up an opposing position if your girlfriend chooses to argue
the point with others - and definitely do not argue about it with
her. Simply say, "Sweetie, we're probably never going to agree on
this point. Let's just not go there."

Attempt to prevent future arguments from escalating the same way.
Although it sounds romantic to have huge blowups and then spend
days "making up", realizing how much you love and appreciate one
another, if this occurs only to start a new cycle of building
stress and tension as you prepare for another volcanic eruption,
it will devastate your relationship over time. Just as even the
mightiest mountain will crumble to dust under the relentless
stress of repeated earthquakes, so your relationship will be
destroyed by regular or frequent heart-wrenching disagreements. If
you find you're having a disagreement that is spiraling out of
control and into a huge conflagration, stop. Here are ways to
prevent the explosion:

* Stop. Take a breath.

* Get your girlfriend to do the same.

* Tell her, "This is getting out of control."

* If you can't control your temper, or she can't control hers,
leave. Don't stalk out in a huff. Just say, "I don't want this to
turn into a huge explosion, so I'm going to go for a walk, all
right?" Deflect any tearful or angry accusations that you "don't
love her" or "if you leave now, don't come back," by saying, "I
know you can't mean that, but if you do, that's a chance I'll have
to take. I'm not willing to live like this, and if this is what I
can expect every time we have an argument, maybe it's better that
I _don't_ come back." If she angrily tells you that's fine, go
ahead and find someplace to bunk for the night. Then see the next
tip.

* Give it time. Wait until morning and call her. If the relationship
is sound, she should answer and you should be able to talk calmly
by this point. If the relationship is doomed, you'll end up
calling 30 to 300 times only to have her (A) not answer, (B) yell
angrily that she told you if you left it was over, or (C) text you
that you're a jerk, not allowing you to respond. See next tip.

* If none of the above tips have defused the situation, face facts,
it's over. Let it go.

Decide whether you and your girlfriend should allow your
relationship to survive only to fight another day. If you've been
successful in re-setting things once you've had a big fight like
this, you now have to decide whether you and your girl are truly a
match. A big fight like this should not happen more than one time
in a year - and better yet, the longer you're together, the better
you know one another, the less often you argue, period. If that's
not the case, you have a problem.

* If your argument styles are very different, and she likes to yell,
throw things, and pout for hours, turning many small fights into
big ones, while you prefer a calmer, more thoughtful approach,
consider the fact that we date before marrying in order to watch
how our partner behaves under stress. If your girlfriend's
behavior under stress causes big strain and cracks in your
relationship are evident, maybe it's time to admit that you and
she are not a good match. Explain this to her.

!! Video !!

!! Tips !!

* Don't accept blame for the fight if it isn't your fault. If it is
your fault, there may be a temptation to beg, plead, or "make it
up" to her. Don't succumb to it even if it _is_ your fault. If you
can't talk it through like adults, let it end.

* Remember that she's your girlfriend, not your wife. Sometimes, big
fights are a way that one partner "gets a rise" out of the other.
Dating is the way both partners decide if this is the person they
want to spend their lives with. If your girlfriend often resorts
to "trying to get a rise out of you" in this way, decide whether
you want to go through this again and again throughout your life
together.

* If you've been together for a year, but you realize that since
about the third month you've been having fights like this, you're
in a toxic relationship and should consider ending it. When you've
been "trying to work things out" for longer than you've been happy
together, the relationship is not worth the effort.

* By the same token, don't discard a relationship of a year or more
that has been good up until now. If you've recently begun fighting
over things you didn't disagree on before, or if she's suddenly
started making a really big deal over things, maybe something else
is at the root of the problem, such as work stress, or an
undiagnosed illness. Don't just bail at the first sign of trouble
- see if you can find out what's really wrong, and what these big
fights are really all about.

!! Warnings !!

* Escalation of arguments is a sign that you're in a controlling or
manipulative relationship. Turning a simple disagreement into a
huge argument is a control tactic: It keeps you there, with her.
It wears you out as it goes on and on. When you say you want a
break or to take a walk, she threatens that she'll end it, kill
herself, or other negative things. The longer it goes on, the more
triumphant she is in her victory (keeping the argument alive, and
keeping you there). As you become more exhausted, both physically
and emotionally, you may capitulate, just to put an end to the
argument. Here's where you start apologizing, then when she
doesn't want to accept your apology (even though that's what she's
been trying to get out of you for the past two hours), you begin
begging for forgiveness. Soon, though she was the one who started
the bad part of the argument, you're the one pleading with her to
let you make it up to her. And then she wins. You're hooked in a
relationship where you'll always lose, and feel lucky to let her
win. It's not a good way to go.

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Recognize a Manipulative or Controlling Relationship

* How to End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship

* How to Deal With Impossible People

* How to Break Up

* How to Get Your Girlfriend to Forgive You

!! Article Tools !!

* Read on wikiHow

It's National Forgiveness Day. How to Forgive Yourself

Forgiving yourself can be much harder than
forgiving someone else. When you're carrying
around a sense of blame for something that has
happened in the past, this bundle of negativity
burrowing deep into yourself can cause a
never-ending, pervasive sense of unhappiness.
Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving
forward and releasing yourself from the past.
It's also a way of protecting your health and
general well-being. Here are some suggestions on
how to forgive yourself.

!! Steps !!

You can't patch up your heart foreverUnderstand the importance of
forgiveness. Living in a state of being unable to forgive
requires a lot of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of
your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain,
and living with the constancy of sadness, hurt, and blame. This
energy deserves to be put to better use, so that your creativity
and abilities are fed, not your negativity. Forgiveness also
allows you to live in the present instead of the past, which
means that you can move into the future with a renewed sense of
purpose focused on change, improvement, and building on
experience rather than being held back by past hurts.

* Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear
losing their sense of self that has been built on the back of
anger, resentment, and vulnerability. In this case, ask yourself
if that angry, easily hurt and reactive person is the identity
you're keen to show the world and live with. Is the security of
this mode of thinking worth the effort and harm it is causing you?
It's better to have a small time of insecurity as you find your
way again than to continue a lifetime bogged down in anger.

* See forgiveness in a positive light. If you're bothered that
forgiving suggests that you shouldn't experience strong feelings
such as resentment and anger, try viewing it as the chance to feel
strong positive feelings, such as joy, generosity, and faith in
yourself. Switching it to thinking about what you'll gain rather
than what you'll lose has the benefit of keeping you positive
while minimizing the negative emotions.

Anger shows; and leaves frown linesTake into account the
challenges raised by not forgiving yourself. Not only do you
allow yourself to remain stuck in the past, but not forgiving
yourself takes a huge toll on your emotional and physical
health. Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and
resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health.
Numerous studies have shown that people stuck in constant anger
are more prone to disease and illness than people who can learn
to forgive both themselves and others.[1]

* Always remember that forgiving doesn't equate with forgetting.
You're entitled to learn by experience and be guided by that
experience. It's about leaving aside the resentment and
self-inflicted berating that comes with remembering.

* Don't hide from your feelingsAccept your emotions. Part of the
struggle is often being unable to accept that you are experiencing
such emotions as anger, fear, resentment, and vulnerability.
Instead of trying to avoid facing these negative emotions, accept
them as part of what is fueling you lack of self-forgiveness. A
problem named is a problem ready to be tackled.
Is perfectionism clouding your strengths?Reflect on why you're
trying to hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else
around you. Perfectionism can cause you to hold too a high a
standard for your own behavior, a standard that you wouldn't
hold anyone else to. And if your perfectionism causes you to be
too hard on yourself, you are caught in a situation where self
forgiveness is very hard to do because it seems like acceptance
of a sub-standard you. Remove yourself from this vicious cycle
of thinking by doing what Martha Beck called "welcoming
imperfection". Beck claimed that "welcoming imperfection is the
way to accomplish what perfectionism promises but never
delivers." It allows you to accept that all human being are
imperfect, and you are human, and imperfect too.

* If you are really struggling with perfectionism, consider
counseling or therapy work to reduce its impact in your life. Read
How to control perfectionism for more tips.

Stop listening to the nags in your life!Let go of other people's
expectations for you. If you're stuck in a spiral of self-hate
and never feeling good enough because of things that were once
said to you, self-forgiveness is essential. You have no control
over what other people do and say, and many things people are
said and done unconsciously, often motivated by the other
person's own shortcomings.[2] Living your life in self-loathing
because you don't feel you lived up to someone else's
expectations is based on making too much of another person's
mixed-up feelings. Forgive yourself for trying to live a life
according to other's expectations and start making the changes
needed to follow your own purpose instead.

* For every person who has been hard on you, remember that someone
was hard on them. Break the chain of harshness by being kind to
yourself, not trying to live up to someone else's expectations for
you.

* Whenever someone criticizes you for how you are and what you have
done, realize that they have just made it that much harder for
themselves to err lest they be caught out not fulfilling their own
perfection implicit in their criticism. Seeing it this way can
ease things for you because you just know they'll slip up
somewhere and that being someone who feels entitled to criticize
constantly is a very painful (and lonely) way to live.

Stop being your own worst enemyStop punishing yourself. There is
a frequent misunderstanding that forgiveness equates to
forgetting or condoning. This misunderstanding can lead a person
to feel that it is not right to forgive oneself because in the
process of doing so, it's akin to an act of forgetting or
condoning the past wrong. If this is the factor preventing you
from forgiving yourself, keep in mind that forgiveness is a
process of mindfulness in which you continue to remember what
happened and you do not condone something that was "wrong" as
suddenly "right".[3]

* It's perfectly fine to say: "I hate what I've done (or how I've
devalued myself) but I'm moving on for the sake of my health, my
well-being, and those around me." Affirming this is healthy and
allows you to break the cycle of self-harm you've fallen into
because you openly acknowledge what was wrong and the intention to
set it right from now on.

Embrace who you arePractice self acceptance. You don't need
forgiveness for being you. Forgiving yourself is about targeting
the specific things that you feel bad about, not about the
person you are. As a forgiveness technique, self acceptance
allows you to acknowledge that you're a good person, faults and
all. It doesn't mean that you ignore the faults or stop trying
to improve yourself but it does mean that you value yourself
above those elements and cease to allow your faults to halt your
progression in life.[4]

* Love yourself and give yourself permission to heal.

* Laugh more; it'll give you more freedom to stop taking it all so
seriously.

Document your everyday changesThink about what will improve in
your life if you can release yourself and how to bring this into
fruition. As part of forgiving yourself, it's usually not enough
to simply resolve to forgive yourself. Doing things to confirm
the forgiveness process will help you to realize your
self-forgiveness and to give you a new sense of purpose. Some of
the things you might like to consider doing include:

* Taking up meditation. Meditation is an ideal way to find inner
quiet, spiritual, self-realization, and physical relaxation. It
will allow you to take time out, to tune into and appreciate the
moment, and to get in touch with your inner self. Done regularly,
meditation will improve your well-being and sense of self.

* Affirm your self-worth. Remind yourself regularly that you are a
valued and beautiful person and say simply: "I forgive myself" or
"I will no longer let anger eat away at me", whenever the negative
thoughts reappear.

* Keep a diary. Write down your journey to forgiveness. Having the
writing space to share your thoughts and feelings with, one that
nobody else will ever read, is a liberating and self-enlightening
way to breaking through negative approaches to your life.

* Seek therapy. If you've tried hard to get over anger, resentment,
and other fearful, out-of-control emotions but you're still
struggling, connect with a therapist who can help guide you
through to a better state of being. If therapy's not your thing,
at least find a friend or more to talk to, and who will help to
affirm your worth.

* If you have a faith, draw strength from its teachings to support
you.

It takes time to put these back the right way; be sure to enjoy
the journeySee forgiveness as a journey, not a destination. If
you're liable to thinking that you're unable to "get to"
self-forgiveness, you may be sabotaging your chances of even
starting the forgiveness journey. It helps to accept that
forgiveness is an ongoing process and that you'll have your up
days and your down days, as with most feelings and experiences
in life. You may feel that you've reached a point of
forgiveness, only to have something happen that causes you to
feel it was all a wasted effort and that you're back to square
one, angry and annoyed with yourself. The best approach is to
let the slip-ups happen and see them as minor setbacks in an
otherwise more forgiving self. In addition, realize that
forgiveness has no timetable; instead, you can do your very best
to prepare yourself for the process and to get it started:[5]

* Self-forgive in gradual stages. Start with valuing yourself and
making a resolution to stop letting the past continue to haunt the
present and direct the person you are now.

* Learn from what you've done in the past but value your whole self
(see step above on practicing self-acceptance).

* Enjoy positive experiences consciously and don't seek to downgrade
them.

* Be grateful for what you do have – great relationships, a home,
a family, an education, abilities, interests, hobbies, pets,
health, etc. Look for the good in your life.

* Be self-compassionate. Shift your thoughts to more fulfilling,
value-focused things when negative reproaches arise.

* Apologize if others have been involved and you have not already
done so, or you have not done so genuinely. Only do this when you
have changed your negative outlook.

!! Video !!

!! Tips !!

* The person we are is the result of both good and bad things
happening to us in life, as well as the good and bad things we
have done. The manner in which we respond to negative events is as
important as the way in which we respond to happy events. A person
who is inclined to ruminate and make large of a negative event
will be more prone to living in anger and resentment and expect
future negativity than a person who sees bad things as isolated
incidents that don't impinge on who they are as a whole.[6]

* Think about how you have forgiven others in the past. Take the
lessons from these experiences and apply them to your own
situation; the reassuring aspect of this is that you know you have
the ability to forgive, you just need to point that forgiveness in
the right direction.

!! Warnings !!

* Stay away from people who have a tendency to sabotage efforts at
self-improvement. Most of the time these people are focused on
salvaging their own insecurities and are threatened by seeing
someone else making the effort to overcome negative pressure in
their life. Accept that forgiving yourself will sometimes lose
certain relationships where your negativity was a source of the
other person wielding power over you. Ask yourself if you'd rather
continue the unhappy relationship or move on as a whole, and
renewed person able to connect with healthier people.

* Don't force yourself to hang around people who bring back the past
for you in a negative way; people who push your buttons, devalue
or belittle you, and who are thoughtless about your
vulnerabilities are best left behind.

* Forgiveness is the hardest quality to shape and yet it is the most
essential. In learning about your own ability to forgive both
yourself and others, your personal growth will be great, and
that's a reward worth the hard work forgiveness requires of you.

* Avoid talking about your wrongdoings and how bad a person you are
around other people. You will create this reality in their minds
too. Get therapy to get this negative thinking out of your head
and back into the Pandora's Box it came from.

!! Things You\'ll Need !!

* Journal or diary

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Forgive a Girlfriend

* How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

* How to Forgive After an Affair

* How to Forgive Someone Without Using Religion

* How to Find Forgiveness with a Friend