Because sometimes this is unavoidable. Men can be baffled by
women's explanations of how they should react to something they
see as a simple problem that will eventually solve itself without
their intervention. Yet, how wrong this assumption is!
If you're a man who desperately needs to be told how to handle your
girlfriend when the floodgates open with no warning, follow these
instructions. Keep in mind that you may need to omit or repeat some
steps, and no matter what else, always be courteous. If you're a man
who simply wants to be prepared in the event of a crying female
coworker or friend flinging herself at you with apparent intent to
drown, then you will also find help from these steps. And finally, but
not least, if you're a woman, you might want to show this to all the
men in your life on whom you may end up crying at some point. They
will thank you.
Keep in mind that this article is not intended to be sexist in any
way; rather, it seeks to demystify one of life's often poorly
understood realities by providing a lighthearted but sensible
explanation of how you can help when a woman is crying on you.
!! Steps !!
_ If a woman decides to cry on you, let it
happen. If she's not already your girlfriend, be aware that this
means you may have a chance with this particular woman, since women
tend to select males they can cry on as potentially viable mates. If
the woman is comfortable enough with touching you to bury her face in
your shoulder or chest and pour out all of her emotions on you, then
she may be comfortable enough to touch you under other circumstances,
eventually.
* Whatever you do, do not try to stop her from crying. She will just
divert the tears to storage for later. Let her cry as long as she
wants. Be aware that when a woman is crying on your shoulder or
chest, time slows down to less than 50 percent of normal speed. It
may seem like she is crying on you for an hour, but many women do
not have the stamina to actually do so, because they avoid crying
as much as they can. If you look at any clock, you will notice
that very few women are capable of crying for more than 20 to 30
minutes.
If the woman crying on you is not your girlfriend and your
girlfriend is watching another woman cry on you:
* Pat the crying female awkwardly on one shoulder, and do not in any
circumstance embrace her. You may still let her cry on you, but do
not give any indication that you are enjoying this or are
experiencing any emotions other than surprise and act thoroughly
bewildered at this uninvited gesture.
* If your girlfriend is watching you or the other female with
narrowed eyes, raised hackles, or her tail is thrashing from side
to side, it is recommended that you make a panicked expression and
mouth the words "I don't know where this woman came from or
why she is crying on me" and make some small effort to dislodge
the errant female. If the small effort does not work, resign
yourself to being cried upon by the stranger and get your side of
an argument ready about how you are a gentleman, and it would have
been very impolite to deny the stranger woman your shoulder to cry
on.
* Also, tell your girlfriend that you will do the same for her if
she ever needs to cry, with the addition of back rubs and
chocolate. That should get you out of your girlfriend's wrath
zone.
* If the woman is your girlfriend, first think back through the past
few minutes and try to determine what you did/said/thought to
upset her. If you find it, apologize and embrace her. Stop doing
that behavior immediately and never do it again. If not, think
back through the past day. If you still can't find anything you
may have done, said, or thought to upset her, then you may, in
fact, not be the problem. But you can_ be part of the solution!
This is where the real technique comes in.
* Have a handkerchief ready, but do not use it until the woman has
stopped crying, unless she appears to be drowning in her tears.
To let her wade in a sea of tears and an unsightly runny nose
would be very un-gentlemanly.
* If you are somewhat familiar with this woman, it is usually
acceptable to pat or rub her upper back a few times during her
crying attack. Always rub between the shoulder blades, and never,
ever let your hand stray within snapping distance of any
breast-restraint devices she may be wearing. If you are very, very
familiar with the woman, you may rub her lower back. Never, ever,
ever go lower than her waist. If you grab a buttock accidentally,
prepare to be slapped. Also be prepared to be known as a pervert
by everyone in this woman's social circle. If you touch any of
these "no-zones", even accidentally, you deserve the punishment.
* Hug. When the woman appears to be running out
of tears, it is acceptable to either embrace her gently and
quickly around the shoulders if you are familiar, or gather her to
your chest if you two are intimate. This helps to squeeze out any
leftover tears, and you may experience a temporary increase in
crying from the woman. This is completely normal, and nothing to
be worried about. If this happens, it is acceptable to murmur
something to the line of "There there," or "Shhh, it's
alright." or something more close like "It's okay, I'm
here for you baby.", if you two are a couple.
When the crying stops, offer up any sort of wiping device, such as
handkerchief, Kleenex, or even toilet paper, as long as it is
sufficiently soft for her nose. To test this, rub a bit of it
between your fingers, if it's not two-ply or you can see through
the sheets, or it makes a crinkling sound when crushed, don't
offer it to her.
* If the woman is still so incapacitated from the emotional effort
of crying that she cannot wipe her own nose, it is most often
acceptable to dab at her eyes gently. This will usually rouse her
enough from her emotional fugue to take over.
Once she has had time to wipe her eyes and
nose, ask her what is wrong in a soft voice,
and don't expect a coherent answer. She may
simply burst into tears again, and you may
repeat all of the above steps of this procedure
in the knowledge that either whatever made her
cry was really, really important, or it's that
time of the month and she will cry again as
soon as her tear-reserves replenish. Women's
tear-producing organs work at 300 percent of
their normal capacity when they are
menstruating. Keep this in mind.
* If you don't understand something she says, don't shrug it off.
Tell her that you don't understand or didn't quite catch it.
* If what is wrong is evident, such as a funeral, just be a strong
and supportive listening post.
If the woman tells you what is wrong, first determine if you can
help her to fix the problem. Show her that you are a gentleman, or
at least a decent guy. If you can help her fix the problem, tell
her so and ask her if she wants you to help her fix it. This is
especially effective with girlfriends. Then, actually help her fix
it. However, be very, very careful offering unsolicited advice -
offering to fix things is a world apart from offering advice that
can only lead to more tears, often tears of frustration.
* If you see no way that you are able to help her fix the problem,
then apologize and tell her that you cannot help her fix the
problem. If you know anyone whom you think can help her fix the
problem, recommend that she talk to them and enlist their help.
Tell her you hope she gets her problem fixed, and if the woman
seems not to be too wrapped up in the situation or scary, tell her
she can talk to you again if she ever needs a shoulder to cry on.
* Always have a spare shirt or jacket handy in case of a crying
woman attack. You never know when women will cry, but if you do
the right things and help them through careful support and
comforting, you will be known as a true gentleman. Keep in mind
that sometimes women will cry on you just because they need to cry
at that time. The woman who does this will sometimes tell you so
after she has gotten rid of her excess tears. Tell this woman that
you are very glad to be of service, and that you hope she had a
satisfactory crying experience. Then go find a new shirt or walk
in the sun to dry your current one.
!! Tips !!
* Always respect women, regardless of how irrational they may seem
by _your_ standards; remember that it's possible they view you as
being irrational too, for not "getting" it.
* Silk handkerchiefs are the most gentlemanly thing you can offer a
lady to blow her nose with. Have a large supply at the ready at
all times if women are prone to crying on you.
* If the female who is crying on you is in a romantic relationship
with you, it may be acceptable to kiss her on the forehead lightly
and murmur quiet reassurances into her ear. You may also hug her a
bit more tightly when her tears start to ease up. Girlfriends
usually have more tears than strangers, and helping her expel
these tears may be beneficial to your relationship. Hugging her
also shows that you care about her.
* If she tells you to go away, stay with her. She is testing your
loyalty, and if you go she will be even more hurt and may find
some other male to cry on. If you stay, you are telling her that
you care about her and her emotions. However, as women age and
feel more confident in themselves, go away can really mean go
away, so learn the tone and heed it. You'll get the idea if she
says something along the lines of "Crying makes me feel better, I
need to do it by myself, and I'll call you when it's done. Now
leave me alone please."
* After the tears have passed, offer her something. If she is a
coworker, it may just be a cup of coffee and a doughnut. If she is
your girlfriend, it may be a shoulder massage, bubble bath with
all the aromatherapy oils she wants, or even just a quiet cuddling
session. If she's a coworker you'd like to turn into a girlfriend,
use discretion.
* When all else fails, offer a woman chocolate. Try to ascertain if
they like dark or milk chocolate, but if all you have is Hersheys,
they won't hate you for trying.
* When you tell a woman you're going to do something (wash the
dishes, replace the faucet, squash the saucer-sized spider that
tried to crawl across her pillow), do it as soon as humanly
possible. Women prefer promises to be filled sooner, rather than
later. Crying resulting from your lack of doing something around
the house will result in tears of frustration and you risk
outbursts when you ask what's wrong.
* If she admits to needing feminine hygiene supplies, do not under
any circumstances run away. Follow her instructions as to how to
get them and do so promptly. This is a test of your bravery and
ability to follow instructions under duress.
* Apologize, even if you have no idea how you could be related to
the cause of her crying. This shows that you are sympathetic of
her plight.
!! Warnings !!
* If you ever disrespect a woman intentionally, be prepared to be
shunned by her entire social circle. Women are incredibly complex
social beings, and their finely honed gossip skills mean that
you'll never get a date in your town again.
* If you wouldn't use it to wipe your own nose, don't offer it to
her as a tissue substitute. Industrial grade paper towels are an
especially bad choice. If you have to use them, you're better off
offering up your sleeve. It's a sacrifice well worth it.
* Do not, under any circumstance, touch a woman in any way that
could be construed as even remotely sexual. This is a very, very
un-gentlemanly thing to do, and you deserve whatever punishment
you get.
* Never express exasperation with a crying woman. She will hate you
for not caring about her emotions. If you can't handle it, bite
your tongue and just sit next to her patiently working through
next quarter's figures in your head.
* If the woman crying on you is a coworker, address her by her
formal name and try not to move too much while she cries on you.
Keep any patting or hand contact above the shoulders and try to
look bewildered.
* Never, ever leave a crying woman. This is a mortal sin in female
eyes, and it tells them that you're a cold-hearted person who
doesn't care about them. You have a flight to catch? Too bad. To a
woman, especially a woman you know well, their emotions are more
important than that flight (naturally, with the exception of
farewell tears as you get on the flight).
* If your girlfriend sees you with a crying female, she has every
right to be angry, because in her eyes you are her territory and
that other female is an intruder. Be prepared to separate and
gently subdue the two females if your girlfriend attacks the
stranger.
* Also get a few responses ready for when you girlfriend inevitably
becomes angry with you for letting another female touch you. Be
sure to include the fact that you are a gentleman, and that
providing a shoulder to cry on was the chivalrous thing to do for
a woman so obviously in distress. Tell her you will do the same
and more for her, and follow through.
!! Things You\'ll Need !!
* Handkerchief, tissue (Kleenex), your shirt sleeve
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Comfort the Dying
* How to Encourage a Sad Friend
* How to Hug
* How to Stop Crying
* How to Hold Back Tears
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
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