Franklin Roosevelt had many failures throughout his life, yet he was
able to overcome them with fortitude and tenacity. Failure is a
given in life; expecting to sail through without a hiccup is
unrealistic and sets you up to fall harder when failure does happen.
Avoiding failure also prevents you from focusing on gaining the
resiliency needed to cope with it, a vital element of bouncing back.
It is unfortunate that in societies obsessed with success and
achievement, failure can be made to feel like the worst thing that
could ever happen to a person. The reality is that failure is
commonplace but so is overcoming it and pushing through to more
successful endeavors in the future. Even where a failure cannot be
salvaged, there is always something to be learned from it. In this
article, you'll learn a little about how to overcome failure through
having the right attitude. When you don't let the mishaps of life keep
you down too long, then nobody else will be able to keep you down too
long either.
!! Steps !!
Expect mistakes. Life's hard knocks are as common as life's
successes. To expect the process of living to always be smooth
sailing is to invite a lack of realism into your life. It happens to
the best of us. Failure helps to create balance in your life and
presents an opportunity for personal growth. Accepting the
inevitability that things won't always go your way is an important
part of avoiding becoming bitter and twisted, or of preventing
yourself from simply resting on your laurels and never pushing
further to realize your full potential.
* Learn to love finding out that you're wrong about something.
That's not failure; it's enlightenment and the path to finding the
right way.
* Read How to control perfectionism if this behavioral trait is
holding you back in life. Perfectionism causes us to fear failure
and to feel we're personally a failure when we're faced with it.
Seeking to always be perfect sows our own seeds of disappointment.
Trying and failing is a much better teacher of what it means to be
human than never trying and never succeeding.
You are always good enough, in fact, you're better Remind yourself
that you are good enough. Leo Babauta suggests that not believing we
are good enough rests at the heart of fearing failure.[1] [1]
Failures serve as proof of this greatest fear, causing us to want to
withdraw and not try again for fear of being further exposed as
inadequate and incapable. However, this fear is not founded in
reality; nobody is perfect and everyone will err at various points in
life. The real difference between people who become successful and
overcome failure and those who do not comes down to how you manage
failure and how you view its impact on you. Feeling inadequate is a
commonplace human feeling that even very public, very successful
people feel but they don't let it keep them down. You are good
enough; all you need is to give yourself the go-ahead to keep trying.
Remain calm. Whatever you're feeling about a failure, don't lose
your composure over it. Look at it this way – it won't make any
difference to the outcome itself whether you blow your top or stay
calm but it will take a lot less energy and maintain your reputation
if you choose the latter response. If you're really frustrated and
angry, channel these emotions to motivate you to start again.
* Don't take your anger out on others. It's not good to bottle up
feelings, but you can't go around taking out your anger on those
around you for no good reason. Go for a run, a swim, or a boxing
session to relieve tension and give you space to think. Just do
something focused and energized to distract yourself from the
initial intense feelings until they calm.
* Take your time. People don't usually recover from a large failure
overnight. It takes time for the emotions to heal. That doesn't
mean you're entitled to mope though. This time is better spent
going over how to do it better next time and building up your
resilience.
Don't obsess about what others are thinking; their criticism reflects
their own inadequacies Forget about how other people view you. Not
only will any very obvious failure soon be yesterday's news, but if
you think other people are judging you (and maybe they are, maybe
they aren't), it won't be long before they're too busy worrying about
their own failures to sling mud at yours. After all, everyone's going
to fail now and then; inflicting gloating on someone else has a way
of boomeranging right back, a reality which serves as a natural form
of tapering off constant criticism. And ultimately, what's it matter
what the critics think? Most of the time they haven't a clue what
effort has gone into what you've done and what you're trying to
achieve – it's all too easy to be an expert critic without being
privy to the inside information.
* Allow each failure to serve as an opportunity to strengthen your
determination in the face of criticism. This is a far more
positive and self-sustaining response than giving in to believing
the often nasty and thoughtless things other people can say.
Choose balance, not unrealistic negativity or mindless optimism
Shift out of your head space. All of the negativity is in your head.
The reality is that you will recover. And the bonus is that you will
gain knowledge, insight, and experience – wisdom that only those
who tried something can lay claim to. Step outside of your personal
negative sphere and reach out to the people around you who care about
you; enjoy their company and learn about how other people cope with
failures instead of simply focusing on yourself.
* Visualize each failure as a stepping stone to a stronger, more
resilient self. Treat each failure as a gift of learning what not
to do in the future.
* Respect the humility that comes with failure. Too much success can
sometimes lead us astray and cause us to grow an unwarranted sense
of being infallible and feeling superior to others. Failure can
knock the stuffing out of such unrealistic self-aggrandizement and
help set you back on the right course.
Worrying doesn't build solutions... while humor enlightens Stop
worrying, start laughing. Yes, the sun will come up again tomorrow.
Yes, things might be miserable for a little while but how will
worrying help? Think back to a time when you worried a lot. Did it
make any difference? Most likely not, apart from giving you more
wrinkles and gray hair. The greatest thing you can do for yourself
during failure is to inject humor into your reflection of what
happened. While there will be a period in which you feel especially
tender, being able to laugh at yourself for mistakes can be an
important part of the healing process, readying you for moving on
again. Being able to say "Oh I did that, ha, ha, such a way to stuff
up, ha, ha!" is part of putting failure into perspective.
* Be very careful that you don't take on other people's mistakes or
circumstances as being _your_ failure. Humor is one way of telling
you that you don't need to carry the world on your shoulders and
that sometimes, things just happen, no matter what you do or do
not do.
Write down what you've learned from the experience; great for focus
and review Review what your failure has taught you. There are always
things to take away from a failure, to inform your future direction.
It might also be the case that you have made the failure seem worse
than it is; partial failure is also partial success and if you can
draw out what was successful and build on that, the sense of having
failed lessens. Sociologist Hugh Mackay believes that we don't value
failure in the way we ought to. Stating that failure is often
interpreted as a sign of personal inadequacy, he says that this
denies its vital role as part of the process of maturation
_throughout_ life.[2] [2] In other words, the learning never stops
and the lessons include:
* Failure can help you discover your best self. Failure is a signal
that you're willing to press on and discover new talents and the
edge of your existing ones; reaching beyond what you know into
what you don't know.
* Failure is about mastery. It's easy to flip from one new thing to
another and be a Jack or Jill of many skills but a master or
mistress of none. It's much, much harder to have the patience to
master one thing really well and to do it with precision and
exactitude. And to master something, one must fail at it, a lot.
* Failure teaches you about will-power, persistence,
self-discipline, and the value of hard work. One of the signs of
living in fear of failure is distraction. When you allow
distraction to overtake your life, you're comforted that your
distractions can hide your potential to fail. Ironically,
distracting yourself is a failure in its own right – a failure
to take the time to keep trying, to continue toward perfecting
whatever you're learning to do or seeking to become. Ultimately,
failure teaches you the value of persistence and hard work.
Stay in the present. Fear of failure is a future projection of worry
and a reliance on what happened in the past. If you're stuck in this
kind of thinking, you're living life according to what _might_
happen. Author Leo Babauta suggests that the response needed here is
to _"just do it, now, in the moment... bring yourself back in the
moment and focus on what you're doing right at this moment."_[3] By
remaining in the present, you stay focused on the potential of now
and allow your creativity [3], smarts, and innovative drive to
bloom. Past failures are foundational lessons for better
understandings in the present and an improved sense of living now;
the future is created through your commitment to the present rather
than your present being lead by your fear of tomorrow's possible
losses.
* Embrace fear. Failure can only keep you down if you continue to
fear it. Embrace the fear and you release yourself from its
control. Allowing fear to control you renders you vulnerable to
being controlled. Unchecked fear can cause you to let others make
decisions for you in life; while that may be a recipe for not
taking responsibility when things go wrong, it can also mean you
lose your sense of creativity, innovation, and even your sense of
self. Help show people it's not only fine to fail but healthy to
break this fear!
Ouch! Allow yourself to fail on purpose. Personal development guru
Steve Pavlina recommends failing on purpose.[4] He suggests that it
is a good thing to set out to do something that you know will fail
provided it won't harm others or have long-term negative
consequences. He recommends learning something in which you have no
talent, trying something beyond your skills set and asking for
something when you know the answer will be no (such as a raise,
promotion [4], etc.).[5] [5] From doing this, Steve believes that
you'll experience more benefits than losses, such as learning how to
handle failure, how to extract key issues, knowing your limits, and
unearthing the value of partial success. _ Keep trying;
persistence does pay off Focus on trying again. Dale Carnegie once
said that it was essential to "develop success from failures.
Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to
success."_ Persistence is the source of success for the majority of
people on this planet. Overnight successes are rare; they are usually
people who have been trying and failing and trying again many times
over. Successful ad man Siimon Reynolds believes that lack of
persistence is a major reason as to why people fail; giving up too
soon means that you'll never know whether what you're seeking to do
or be was achievable and he says that this is the case for "the
majority of people"![6] [6]
* Don't confuse lack of persistence with a goal that's not possible
to achieve; most times it's the lack of persistence and not the
goal that's the problem. Naturally, doing things the exact same
way that lead to failure is not the answer; instead, focus on the
goal and take the lessons from what didn't work to show you how
you can find new, improved ways to reach your goal this time.
* Keep growing, all your life Grow. Popular motivational
coach Anthony Robbins says that we don't just grow for ourselves
– we grow so that we can contribute well beyond ourselves.[7]
[7] This is an important thing to remember when you're proceeding
through failures. Your experiences are available for others to
learn from if you're willing to share them, as well as being
willing to share with others how you pushed beyond failure into a
more fruitful and fulfilling outcome, and even what happened when
you couldn't overcome the failure. This helps everyone become more
understanding and accepting of the role of failure in
success-driven societies.
* Defy those bumps and really live! Ditch boredom and live
large. Failure is the flipside of success and without it, there
could be no joy in pushing through the odds, to know what success
truly feels like when achieved. At the end of the day, it's a
funny world where we're all longing for everything to be simple
and easy without any bumps on the road; the sooner you realize
that life doesn't come with automatic smoothing agents, the sooner
you'll be happier about experiencing the bumps. And just imagine
how boring life would be if you had nothing to improve or aim for!
Keep in mind that the feeling of failure is the feeling of being
alive. It's a sign you've given things a go, pushed boundaries,
and bounced back.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* Lists and goal journals are really helpful for some people when
failure seems to happen often. If failure derails your thinking
processes and leaves you feeling anxious, use such props to steer
you back on course again. There is no shame in using them, nobody
expects fast and organized thinking to happen all of the time, and
for some people it's overwhelming to be expected to always think
like that. Organize yourself well and things will seem less
arduous to tackle when you get back on your feet.
* Step back a bit, give yourself some breathing room. One thing that
can help cushion failure at something large is to do some small,
easy things that you know you'll succeed in, whatever they are.
Steady, slow progressive success at something else, like learning
to draw and not expecting a masterpiece but just to succeed at
"draw something every day" or an easy exercise regimen like "walk
daily at the most convenient time" can help to cushion the failure
of a large project.
* Don't take it as your failure if something was dependent on other
people's decisions and actions. If your project didn't get
accepted and was a good project, it still is a success. Many
people fear "failure" in situations that are so unpredictable
success and failure don't apply to them at all.
* Count every trial as an act of courage, a small success in itself.
Building persistence can accomplish enormous things and turn all
the failed trials along the way into minor successes. A writer
seeking to get published could pin up every rejection slip as
proof that they're a real writer, doing the job the way the job
really works. A successful sales representative looks at the
proportion of successes to failures and gets used to "No" most of
the time as just part of the job.
* Don't expect overnight miracles to occur. You can't get over a
huge setback fast but you can care for yourself while you mend and
not dive deeper into despair. Remember that you're not the first
to fail, you won't be the last, and you will bounce back again if
you allow yourself. Yes, it is a choice to make, so choose to come
back stronger.
* Don't let failing bring you down. If you were determined and you
failed, try again. A man who fought failure all his life but will
always be remembered for his tenacity and endurance is Winston
Churchill. He once said, "Success is the ability to go from one
failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm". And he lived out
that belief despite tremendous odds.
* If millions of others have gotten through failure, so will you.
Don't let ideals of perfectionism stunt your growth and do not
compare yourself to success stories; those success stories contain
many failures that never get spoken about.
* And if ever you find yourself thinking self-piteously: "I wish I
were as lucky as X", remember that luck is for leprechauns. Life
is about good management, not luck.
!! Warnings !!
* Don't make it seem like the end of the world – it's not! Get
over whatever has happened and move on with your life. And if you
can't do it alone, find help and talk it through with a trusted
friend, a family mentor, or a therapist. Do not suffer in silence,
it will only eat you up and embitter you.
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Cope if You Fail Your First Year at University
* How to Benefit from Failure
* How to Reestablish Contact with Friends After a Failed Love
Relationship
* How to Make Use of a Failed Coconut Cream Pie
* How to Let Go of a Failed Relationship
* How to Offer Encouragement to Someone Who Has Failed an Exam or
Test
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
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[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-0
[2] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-1
[3] http://www.wikihow.com/Crank-up-Your-Creativity
[4] http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Promotion
[5] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-4
[6] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-5
[7] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-6
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