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Personality typing systems abound on the Internet, some of them more
reputable than others. Facebook quizzes and other social media sites
will tell you everything from which cartoon character you are most
like to what love story your life most resembles. You can spend hours
answering questions on some online dating sites that will help you
clarify what you are like and what you want to see in a mate. And then
there are professional personality typing systems such as Myers Briggs
that will help you figure out which of 16 personality buckets you fit
into. These are fun but are they really useful? Well, the more you
understand about yourself the better you'll be able to relate to
others. Here's why.
*Understanding That Not Everyone is Like You*
One of the biggest "ah ha" moments for me in exploring various
personality typing systems is really understanding the vast
differences in personality types. I used to be confused or take it
personally when someone wouldn't be pleased by the same thing that
pleased me. We're so used to hearing the golden rule: Do unto others
as we would have them do unto us. But really, it should be: Do unto
others as they would want… which may not necessarily be what we
would want ourselves.
For example, let's say your introverted wife says she absolutely
does not want to celebrate her birthday with a big party. She would
much prefer to have a private dinner for two. You, the extroverted and
loving husband plan to knock her socks off with a big surprise party,
thinking of course, she will be thrilled! She probably was only saying
she didn't want a party because she didn't want you to fuss, you
think to yourself.
You throw the party and she puts on a strained smile. Then at the end
of the night, rather than showering you with praise and kisses for
your thoughtful efforts, she accuses you of not understanding her at
all. Or perhaps she just goes off to bed quietly, thanking you, but
obviously not showing the grateful affection that you'd expected.
You both feel hurt and misunderstood.
*Understanding Personality Types*
The scenario above is just one example that can lead to
misunderstanding and hurt if you aren't aware of the differences
between you and the person you're trying to relate to. Though it's
impossible to know the personality types of everyone, by understanding
types you will be more aware of potential differences and accepting
that when someone is different from you, they are not trying to be
frustrating or annoying – they are being genuine. They are
probably just as frustrated and annoyed by you as you are by them.
However, by talking about the differences in your personality and
accepting your different styles, if you can resist the temptation to
scream, you may find you can complement and learn from one another.
Another example may be two co-workers. One likes to make decisions
based on facts and information. The other is a visionary and makes
decisions more on intuition and experience. They may each be very
frustrated by the other's style. However, if they can work together
and accept each the other's strengths they may be able to combine
data and intuition to explore more possibilities than either of them
would have explored if they were working alone.
*Try thinking like someone else*
Instead of becoming frustrated by people who are different from you,
make it a habit to learn from them. Maybe even try to think like them
– not permanently, but just to try and develop skills that are out
of your comfort zone. If you are the type of person who likes to have
a plan, try a day of being spontaneous. If you are someone who is
usually reserved, try being a little more open.
Even though it's important to understand yourself and what your
natural personality is, by appreciating, respecting and understanding
the differences of others, those feelings will most likely be
reciprocated, and you'll enjoy stronger relationships. The world
would be a boring place if we were all alike. We are naturally drawn
to people who are like us because we feel they _understand_ us.
However, you can learn to understand someone who is different from you
by listening to them and being open to their different take rather
than trying to convince them of your way of thinking.
By becoming more aware of your personality and that of others, you are
more likely to enjoy and learn from the unique personality of everyone
you meet.
Guest blogger Yvette Francino is the author of The Laptop Dancer
Diaries: A Mostly True Story about Finding Love Again. She currently
is hosting The Love Project at
http://singleagainonlinediary.blogspot.com where she gives monthly
exercises designed to give and receive love.
Links:
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