_ You finally found someone you can live with! Everything is
going along great, and suddenly, you find yourself thinking of your
roommate more and more, talking about him or her every chance you
get... uh oh. You never meant to develop those_ feelings for your
roommate - this is going to complicate things in your living
arrangement. Or is it? For the purposes of this article, it is
assumed you are both of the same gender.
!! Steps !!
* Try to fight it. It's possible you are just grateful and happy to
have found someone who you can share, not only a refrigerator and
living expenses with, but good times, warm feelings, and all that
goes with being a good friend - one who becomes like family.
Sometimes, feeling you have a crush on this person is just a
transference of those good feelings. If you try to shake them
off, you may succeed - _if_ it truly is simple transference of
emotion. If not...
* Hit on him or her all the time. Hide in plain sight. Once you
realize you have feelings for him or her, start flirting, big
time. Make it a point to make your roommate always aware that s/he
is your idea of cute, sexy, and adorable - but when others of your
roommate's gender are around, hit on them as well. If you're
flirting with everyone, you're hiding your feelings for that one
person.
* Stuff the feelings. That's right. Fight the urge to confess your
love, unless you get a clear signal that s/he feels the same way
about you. Keep those feelings to yourself. At least for now.
* Figure out if there's any chance s/he feels the same way. You
won't be able to hide your feelings forever. Start probing, very
gently - keep things very light, and use humor to prevent things
from taking a serious turn, but when you hear a clue, pursue that
clue. For example, she says, "I am just not satisfied with my
relationships with men." You say, "So does that mean I have a
chance, then?" Then wink and grin. But watch for her reaction. Her
body language may give you a real indication of whether or not she
is considering that very possibility.
* Have very frank talks, but continue to hide your feelings. Try to
draw your roommate out as you have private, intimate chats.
Telling deep truths about yourselves to one another can give you
clues. Pairing dead honesty with these warm, sensitive chats can
help draw out the truth of his or her feelings.
Make a move. Not literally, perhaps. If you cross the line and kiss
your roommate, it's pretty hard to pull yourself back across that
line to platonic friendship - there would be a lot of awkward
silences and sideways looks for a long time. But if you were to be
fairly sure that s/he returns your feelings, at least a little,
then making a confession might help at this stage.
Example scenario: A late night "slumber party" has morphed into a
low-light, low music, romantic, sensitive chat. You're both sitting
there in your jammies feeling very close. Your roommate has just
lamented _again_ that she feels she should break up with her
boyfriend. In previous late-night chats, when you have joked about
whether or not she might give it a shot with you after he's history,
she's hinted there is a possibility she'd consider it. Tonight, don't
wait. When she says, "I just don't think he respects me, and I don't
feel the same way about him as I used to. Should I break up with
him?" You respond with, "Yes. And then you should go out with _me._"
She laughs. And you say, "I'm serious." Now she gets kind of quiet and
starts looking at you. "Are you serious?" You nod and say, "Meredith,
I'm crazy about you, and I'd treat you a lot better than that guy
does." Look straight into her eyes and stay steady. Don't get weird.
At this point, it goes one of three ways:
* She laughs, thinking you're kidding. When you assure her again
that you aren't, she says, "I'm straight" (if you're of the same
gender) or "I'm not attracted to you" (or something along those
lines).
* She continues to look at you and says, "Wow. I had no idea." When
you assure her you're serious and have felt this way for a long
time, she says, "I'm not sure how to feel about that. Can you give
me some time?"
* She throws her arms around your neck and kisses you on the mouth.
You say, "Whoa. Awesome." And she says, "Whoa. Awesome."
* Learn to accept your platonic relationship. If your roommate
responds to your confession with rejection, you have no choice but
to accept it. Be gracious and understanding, and assure your
friend that you have had these feelings for some time and it
hasn't affected your friendship yet. However, you may need to
allow some distance to develop in order to put some space between
what you hoped might happen, and what you now realize is the
reality of your situation. Don't let so much distance develop that
you allow it to strain your relationship, though - no matter how
awkward you might feel, just go through the motions, and act like
everything is normal. Putting one foot in front of the other is
hard sometimes, but just the appearance of everything being okay
is often enough to take hold, and soon everything really _is_
okay.
* Allow some time. If your roommate is taken by surprise when you
confess your heart, and asks you for some time to consider what
you've said, give him or her some time to think about it. It's a
step s/he may have trouble taking, especially if you would be the
first same-sex partner. Be kind, gallant, and compassionate as
your roommate considers having a relationship with you, and hope
for the best, but be patient, and know that if you are the "coming
out" partner, this may be a process that takes awhile. Prepare for
setbacks.
* Celebrate! If scenario number 3 happens, you just hit the
jackpot, kiddo! A great friend and roommate that you know you can
live and get along with day to day has just confessed his or her
feelings for _you_ - invitations to the wedding will be sent
eventually!
!! Tips !!
* Taking some time to let the situation develop is essential. There
is often a "honeymoon" period when we meet someone new, and we
just "fall in love." It's not always romantic love, even though
that's what it feels like at first. Sometimes, it's just a crush
we develop because we love everything about this person so much,
and it will pass.
* Keep things light. A confession like this can either devastate
your relationship, or it can actually make it a little sweeter,
because even if your roommate ends up not returning your feelings,
knowing you were sweet on him or her can make your friend feel a
special closeness or fondness for you as the years go on.
!! Warnings !!
* Life is not a sitcom or a romantic comedy. Don't expect it to
play out like one, or you will end up disappointed sooner or
later.
* Don't wait too long. If your friend is one who jumps from
boyfriend to boyfriend (or girl to girl, whatever), catch him or
her when s/he is between relationships (or at the end of one).
* Don't sit on your feelings if you are getting confusing signals.
Many times, your roommate may be trying to give you a clue,
because s/he doesn't know how to make the first move. If s/he says
things that make you go, "huh???" or do a double-take ("Did she
just say she has feelings for me she doesn't know what to do with?
What does that mean?") make a move. If she says, "You and I
should take off and move to Ireland and have a pig farm," don't
wait for another invitation. Say, "Did you just ask me to run
away with you?" and reach out for her hand. If he says he has
feelings for you he doesn't understand, kiss him. Ask him if he
understands them better now. Get the idea?
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Stop Having An Inappropriate Crush
* How to Confess Your Love to Someone
* How to Tell if Your Best Friend Is Lesbian
* How to Hang out With Girls and Not Have People Think You're Gay
* How to Find the Right Lesbian Partner
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
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