If you're honest, there will be at least some occasions now and then
when you feel really annoyed with other people. Perhaps it's because
something you wanted to do was thwarted by someone else's
preferences, or perhaps it is something that was said or implied. At
other times, it may be as simple as finding every noise, movement,
and distraction very bothersome because you're fatigued or unwell.
Whatever the reason, here are some easy, simple steps to feel calm and
collected when that annoying guy at the desk next to you keeps talking
while you're trying to get the report out on time, or when that
annoying popular girl won't stop twirling her pony.
!! Steps !!
Cope. Initially, it's important to cope when you're annoyed with
another person so that you don't let your sour face or barbed
remarks alert them to your annoyance. After you've coped will come
the time for reflection on the annoyance and what it means for you
and your approach to others. When you feel the annoyance getting to
you, try the following:
* Breathe deeply and shut your eyes briefly. Calmly count to ten,
_slowly_. Imagine yourself on the beach. Let the internal sound of
waves and seagulls wash over you. Feel the mist of the seawater on
your face and let it calm you.
* Open your eyes and concentrate on something other than the person
who is annoying you. Look at your hands, a poster, your computer
screen, people across the street - whatever takes your sight away
from the person bothering you. This will give time to think calmly
and to take your mind off the person. Delaying your reaction will
help you to realize the pointlessness of flying off the handle at
them, or at treating the situation too seriously.
Talk to the other person when you feel calmed or less irritable. If
you find that this person is continuing to annoy you, figure out
whether it's a good idea to ask them to stop doing whatever they're
doing that's bothering you, or whether you just need a temporary
break. Either way, you'll need to talk, even if it's just to excuse
yourself. If you do want to ask them to stop doing whatever it is
they're doing, avoid saying anything like, "Shut the **** up, man
you're annoying!" Try not to swear or make fun back because this
will make things worse and it's probable in many cases that this
person doesn't even get the extent to which they've rattled your
cage. Be strong and politely tell them that what they're doing is
bothering you. For example:
* "Hey George, I'm really worn out today because I didn't get a lot
of sleep last night. I'm finding it really hard to cope with the
noise levels today; would you mind just keeping it down a little
over there?" Be prepared for a conversation and perhaps for making
a compromise, such as sticking earbuds in your ear, or something
else that can help alleviate the situation for you.
* Or, if you don't want to confront the matter right now: "Hey
George, I need some fresh air. Would you mind answering my phone
if it rings while I'm out? Thanks." Then exit promptly without so
much as a backward glance. Find a quiet spot and chill out. On
your "mental break", inhale deeply, refocus your energies, and
block out any negative self-messaging. Most importantly, tell
yourself to stop thinking about how annoying the person is.
Check your facial and body language. Frowns, glaring, and other
unpleasant body language conveys anger and contempt. And it's
contagious, so if it's targeted at the person who is annoying you,
they're likely to feel angry too and things can escalate. Try to
maintain a calm and collected demeanor without facial expressions
that suggest you're annoyed or displeased.
* Focus on the humor in the situation. Laugh off whatever has caused
you to feel so annoyed and try to imagine the annoying behavior or
situation in a more humorous light, along with how you might just
have the totally wrong end of the stick.
Identify what is bothering you. Know what sets you off and learn how
to not react, as well as dealing with the underlying issues. It's
usually obvious _who_ is bothering you – the noisy chatterbox, the
bragging backstabber, or the constant complainer who follows your
every error and turns a molehill into a mountain. It's also
important to identify the _what_ that is bothering you – what
precisely about their behavior is causing you to feel so annoyed
that you feel ready to explode or snap at them? Working out the real
reason underlying the annoyance will enable you to target responses
that will be effective in both solving the problem that annoys you
and causes you to find that particular person so annoying. In other
words, try to separate the problem from the person. For example:
* Are you annoyed with the chatterbox even though you know this
person is loud and talks a lot because you've already asked them
to minimize the noise but they haven't, or have you simply
continued to seethe in silence and just _wish_ they'd shut up? In
the first instance, your annoyance is likely to be based in
feeling disrespected and not listened to; in the second instance,
your annoyance is likely to be based on your own inability to be
assertive and to ask for what you'd like.
* Are you annoyed with the bragging backstabber because you've
already told this person that you don't appreciate their antics
but they still continue, or is it because this person is so
obviously out to get you but you don't know how to stand up for
yourself? In the first instance, your annoyance probably stems
from the continued lack of respect and brazenness of the office
gossiper; in the second instance, your annoyance may be based in
feeling helpless and unable to control what is being said about
you.
* Are you annoyed with the constant complainer because you've
already pointed out to this person that they have a role in fixing
what they're whining about, or are you annoyed because you feel
like you work like crazy but only ever get complaints? In the
first instance, you're probably annoyed about the fact that the
other person is as responsible as you for checking things, while
in the second case, you might be annoyed because you feel
under-appreciated and yet too easily targeted for criticism.
Be conscious that being annoyed by another person's traits can be
based in your own lack of patience or understanding. In some cases,
annoyance is driven by a sense of superiority, as when we quip "How
stupid those people are!", or "Does he have to be so daft?", wherein
we automatically assume we're smarter without ever knowing the full
story, or the personal issues that drive the person to act the way
they do.
* Be careful if you're the sort of person who loudly proclaims "I
don't tolerate fools", or you feel that the
urbanites/suburbanites/country dwellers are all missing a screw or
two. Such broad assumptions about people you've grouped together
by characteristics that you dislike will always give you cause for
annoyance because you've chosen to treat anyone in your grouping
with contempt.
* Avoid generalizing. Saying things like "I only care about my
immediate friends and family. All other people are so stupid and
such time-wasters." says more about you than about these "other
people". First, you're shutting off the opportunity to meet lots
of new people when you label them annoying, and second, you are
acting defensively to try and ward off anyone who might cause you
to have to think, respond, or feel differently about the things
you're used to.
* Learn to be more patient and to stop letting the little things
bother you. Patience is a key aspect of minimizing annoyance in
your life because you'll stop feeling buffeted by time and
circumstances and you can relax more and take things in your
stride.
Consider shaking your life up a bit. Being annoyed can be a sign
that you're too deeply entrenched in your comfort zone and woe
betide anyone else who steps into it, however unknowingly. Try
shaking things up a bit to expand your comfort zone now and then.
Rearrange your bedroom furniture, read books by authors who
challenge you, move house, start new hobbies, take a trip overseas,
start volunteering, or get a new job. Changing something in your
life that shifts you out of your comfort zone and into new territory
can reduce your levels of annoyance and crank up your compassion for
others, as you realize that it's easy to complain and assume but a
lot less easy to do something to alleviate the annoyance.
* Anything that helps you to grow and mature will tend to dampen
annoyance with other people. The more that you learn about the
world, and the more understanding you are of people's motivations,
you'll expect less of people and let them just be. In turn, you'll
be less annoyed by the things people do. For people will keep on
doing those annoying things!
Accept that which you cannot change. You can change yourself, the
toilet paper, and the decor of your house. You cannot change someone
else, nor can you ever feel comfortable if you constantly wish the
world were as you think it ought to be. If you find yourself getting
annoyed at someone who bothers you because they're pretty, popular,
or let their own personality shine forth, realize that there is not
much you can do and very little you will gain by such annoyance. You
cannot change someone's personality because you don't get along with
them, envy them, or because you've chosen to find them annoying.
* If you're annoyed because you view other people as rivals and
enemies, you're on a slippery slope. Remove the competitive aspect
from your work, study, or social relations by realizing that there
is more than enough praise, pay, accolades, and recognition for
everyone.
Assert yourself. Much annoyance comes about when we take the path of
least resistance – not saying anything but fuming all the same.
Annoyance caused by placing yourself into a position of
powerlessness because of the things another person does is
self-destructive. A far more constructive approach is to speak up
when you'd like to see something changed around you. While you
cannot change a person's personality, you can ask them to refrain
from behavior that impacts others, including being too loud, asking
too many questions, wearing perfume that overwhelms you, using
thoughtless or harmful language around you, etc. If their actions
are impacting you negatively, you're entitled to ask for the actions
to be toned down, changed in some way, or even stopped. At this
point, not only are you asserting your "perfect right", but you're
also negotiating on behalf of anyone else impacted by the behavior.
* Assertiveness is about standing up for yourself politely but
firmly. It is not something to be afraid of, and you don't need to
attend a course to master it. It's as simple as responding to the
annoying behavior promptly and with a pointed request. For
example, person X is working next to you but won't stop playing
their radio out loud. You ask them if they have a moment to talk
and proceed to say: "I find it distracting having to listen to the
radio all day long in our small office. I'd prefer to work in
silence because I can think a lot better. Would you mind using
using earbuds from tomorrow so that we can all work in the way we
like best." Ignoring the annoying behavior will cause you to
simmer to boiling point and the problem won't go away; it will
come back time and again. So deal with it.
* If you're annoyed because the person in question is clingy, this
also requires assertiveness _and_ some tough love on your behalf.
Let them know that you appreciate their company now and then but
be clear that you also need your own space in order to thrive.
Sometimes it's case of helping them to understand that being on
your own at times is not a rejection of them but a need of your
own.
Be compassionate, listen, and guide. Everyone gets annoyed
sometimes. Which means people will be annoyed with you sometimes too
because we're all in a position to do or say annoying things now and
then. Try to focus on what you can do to adopt a more compassionate,
guiding approach to an annoying behavior or action. Consider the
ways in which you can provide constructive feedback to try and
alleviate the annoying behavior or activities rather than blowing
your top or creating a negative atmosphere. As part of this, be
interested in the other person. If that sounds difficult, then there
is all the more reason to put your compassionate self into action.
Identify when the annoyance reflects a deeper conflict. Sometimes
this is easier to see a few hours later when you're not with that
annoying person. Small things can mount up into a pattern that can
guide you to understand why you need to be so patient. If you work
with someone who is bigoted against you for an unstated reason of
race, religion, gender or political views, you may be hearing
constant borderline insults in everything from their anecdotes about
others to the differences in the way they treat you and other
people. A man with a low opinion of women in general or a woman with
a low opinion of men in general can wind up making life extremely
unpleasant in a thousand ways that don't quite cross the bounds of
getting them fired, for example. Look at how they treat others
around you. There's also reverse prejudice, someone deeply wounded
by bigotry may lash out with similar behavior. A gay person may make
snide comments about "breeders" and that puts any heterosexual
person in the prejudice group. Be aware that may also be an
intelligent attempt to make you see their side of things if you're
white and mainstream.
* No matter who you are, someone hates you for race, religion,
ethnicity, gender, sexual preference or social class and finds it
very hard to see you as a human being in your own right.
Understand that it is possible for someone to learn to overcome
prejudice, but it rarely happens fast. They may become aware of it
in a moment and be shocked, but they will probably not be able to
completely overcome it without compassionate, gradual education
and personal support.
* Prove them wrong. Listen for it, wait for the stereotype that's so
far from who you are that it's ridiculous and then make a joke
with a point. Then quietly without anger, confront it directly.
"I'm one of them, George." This can sometimes embarrass them into
stopping.
* Watch for escalation. If ignoring, assertively resisting or
dealing patiently with their behavior starts getting even more
annoying behavior, there may be some serious problems. George may
be deliberately trying to pick a fight, like turning the radio
volume up daily from the first time you mentioned it or pointedly
making negative comments about your clothes, religion, status or
race etc. If you see a pattern of sexual harassment that's
increasing, it's a serious problem. Start documenting the
incidents when they cross the line. Ask him politely to stop when
you're having a good day and feel a lot of self control. This can
be over non-controversial issues too, it can be constant personal
criticism of your clothes, body language, accent, views. The
social game of trying to pick a fight so that the other person
blows up and acts unacceptably is unpleasantly common. Watch for
codependent behaviors - fast but shallow apologies followed by the
same, clingy behavior seeking your approval reversed suddenly into
personal attacks, passive-aggressive attacks. If you find that
pattern evolving with a coworker, try to keep as much distance as
possible and pay as little attention as possible to that person.
Remain strictly professional, don't socialize with them. They're
in the process of burning down their own life, don't go down with
the ship. You can't help them so don't engage.
Seeing red may be because you're feeling blue See your
doctor. Sometimes annoyance with other people can be
sourced from an illness or disorder and turns into an
ongoing, long-term problem. If you're in frequent pain or
you're depressed, anxious, prone to panic attacks, etc.,
you may find yourself easily (and constantly) annoyed by
other people because you're so busy coping with your pain
and disability that you cannot bear it when people make
things harder for you. If you're easily irritated and
feel anxious, down, and worried over a period of more
than a week or two, go and see your doctor to discuss
what might be happening. And if you're in a lot of pain,
it's imperative to speak to your doctor to find out
whether something can be done to minimize the pain.
* In some cases, you may need to unlearn anger habits, as annoyance
is often sourced in unresolved anger. A course in anger management
might be extremely helpful if you're finding almost everyone
annoys you.
* Try meditation. It may help to reground you and open your mind up
to peaceful ways of approaching challenging situations and
difficult people.
* Remember you are not the object. Most people are not trying to
annoy you. They probably don't realize that what they are doing is
annoying. In other words, they are probably in their "own world"
and arent' even aware of you. For example someone talking on their
cell phone and are engrossed in their own conversation while
totally annoying the rest of the people within earshot. ... you
know like that.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* Be aware that the online environment can also leave you feeling
annoyed, only this time with anonymous people whose faces you
cannot even see. Try not to take negative interactions in the
online environment to heart, keep a sense of humor, and move along
when things feel turbulent. Tomorrow will make it all seem very
different after a good night of sleeping on it.
* Positive thinking can alleviate irritation with others.
* The sweeter the person who annoys you is, the more bitter you are.
Check your own problems out before dumping them onto others.
!! Warnings !!
* Be careful with what you view as annoying behavior. If you're
making a mountain out a molehill, you risk alienating people and
having them find _you_ annoying for being so picky, thoughtless,
and unkind.
* Be aware that disdain, contempt, and fear are contagious. Avoid
buttressing your dislike or contempt for the person who annoys you
by inflicting your opinion on others about why this person is so
annoying. A contemptuous mob is an ugly sight that soon switches
to bullying in the workplace, school yard, and other group
situations.
* Be aware that sometimes you can turn mountains into molehills by
looking at each incident separately. Watch for patterns that
indicate serious real conflicts that need mediation. Discuss the
situation with trusted friends outside the situation or with a
counselor if it's starting to drive you round the bend, don't just
react. In all the situations where there are deeper conflicts,
just reacting or overreacting puts you right where they want you:
making a fool of yourself or your crossing the line and getting in
trouble.
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Not Be Annoying
* How to Make a Guy Stop Bothering You
* How to Not Bother Guys
* How to Cope With an Annoying Friend
* How to Playfully Annoy Your Wife
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
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