So, you've read _Pride and Prejudice_ (or you've seen the movie) and
you're in love with Mr. Darcy: but do modern-day Mr. Darcys really
exist?
While Elizabeth had to look beyond a gruff exterior to find the
kindly, thoughtful, and intelligent man within Mr. Darcy, your
modern-day Mr. Darcy might be right before you in many guises, as long
as you stay true to yourself. For the single woman, here are some tips
on seeking your modern-day Mr. Darcy, along with some advice on not
making things too hard on yourself or your suitors!
!! Steps !!
Look for attainable, desirable traits. If you're going to find a
modern-day Mr. Darcy, Austen's Darcy reveals a few that are worth
considering:
* Evident intelligence and wit. Elizabeth is able to participate in
witty conversations with Mr. Darcy precisely because both of them
are intelligent and thoughtful. Mr Darcy tends to think things
through rather than jumping to conclusions.
* Ability to support himself. In _Pride and Prejudice_, Mr. Darcy is
independently wealthy. Clearly, most men you meet will not be so
wildly independently wealthy as Mr. Darcy was portrayed. However,
it is important that your modern-day Mr. Darcy finds purpose in
working and values what his money can help him to achieve.
* Is unafraid to speak his own mind. Mr. Darcy is known for being
straightforward.
* Is loyal. Mr. Darcy is very loyal to his family and those he
considers as friends.
* Is caring about those close to him, both friends and family. For
example, Mr. Darcy is more than ready to stand in and bail out
family when Lydia runs off with Mr. Wickham, and he is always
protective of his sister Georgiana.
* Is a good listener. Mr. Darcy is shown to be able to listen to
Elizabeth. He also proves himself to be "teachable" after she
rebukes him for wrongful behavior she believes he has
committed.[1] [1] Leah Orcutt suggests that men who are
"teachable" are on the way to being of "high character".[2] [2]
* Is able to express his opinion and feelings.
* Has a good reputation.
Be careful whom you reject. Clearly, the traits given a book
character by an author represent an ideal. Loving an ideal can lead
to sadness and frustration, particularly when no guy ever matches up
to your mental image and you're endlessly rejecting a string of
interested men. Even Elizabeth had an image in her mind of the
"right" man for her, and Mr. Darcy didn't fall into this category to
begin with. Rather, she saw him as conceited, thoughtless, proud to
a fault, and unkind. Fortunately, given her strength of character,
she was able to change her original opinion when some of his true
character came to light and she opened her heart and mind more to
his real self. Be careful that you're not chasing phantom ideals but
that your high expectations are grounded in reality.
Date gentlemen only. There are plenty of gentlemen out there in the
world; you just have to look for them. Gentlemen show up in
surprising places, so you might have to take the time to get to
know a guy to uncover his gentlemanly qualities. In other words,
don't judge a book by its cover. At the same time, you can't assume
that on the inside, all guys are gentlemen underneath it all; some
guys _are_ just jerks, and you'll just have to avoid them or gently
move on from them on your way to finding your modern day Mr. Darcy.
* If your date opens doors for you (chivalrous), truly listens
(thoughtful), is concerned about your needs (kind), and appears in
most respects to be a thoroughly modern gentleman, he is very much
a modern-day Mr. Darcy.
Stay level-headed and considerate. It's easy to label your date
negatively when you feel he has been unsympathetic toward you or
perhaps doesn't pay you much regard. It's natural for the ego to
seek to feel better instead of viewing this as an opportunity to try
and find another way to connect. Stay open-minded about the men you
date – Elizabeth kept her wits about her and continued her life
as always despite her shock at what she thought was Mr. Darcy's
unkind deeds. When she did voice her disgust at him, she made it
clear what mattered to her without turning it into a nasty fight.
Rely on your wit and tenacity to win around a man who might
initially seem disdainful or distant, even if it's just for the sake
of having good professional or social relations with him; after all,
taking the upper hand is always the more ladylike approach.
Learn how to spot the difference between confidence and arrogance.
Mr. Darcy is proud, but he surprises Elizabeth when she discovers
that he's not the conceited man she thought he was. When finding
your modern-day Mr. Darcy, always look beyond the bravado and quips
aimed at avoiding embarrassment at having to show he likes you in
public. What may seem like arrogance could be shyness, discomfort in
your presence, or even a mangled attempt at being polite. Try not to
dismiss behavior or responses that seem initially aloof,
stand-offish, and arrogant. Sum up the context, the company you're
in at the time, and his other mannerisms before deeming him a
write-off for being too conceited. Look for consistency of behavior;
if he's truly arrogant, he'll continue making facetious and
condescending comments, he'll care little for others, displaying his
superiority over others. On the other hand, if he's self-assured,
you'll see that he does care for others, and that he doesn't place
himself above others; rather, he'll be confident and feel on an
equal footing with anyone he knows and meets.
* Even if you do feel you're dealing with Mr. Arrogant, keep your
wits about you and respond politely but make it clear that there
are limits to your tolerance of condescension and contempt.
Check his romance credentials. Find a man who thinks of the little
things, who holds your hand just because you like it, who starts
reading _Twilight_ or _Pride and Prejudice_ because it's your
favorite book. Find a man who wants to understand you better by
learning more about what moves you.
* It goes without saying that the modern-day Mr. Darcy, so
entertainingly resurrected in _Bridget Jones' Diary_ in the form
of Mark Darcy, would always echo the sentiment of Mark Darcy when
he said: "I like you very much. Just as you are".[3] [3]
Value yourself. Elizabeth was a character ahead of her time, clearly
valued for her intelligence and self-respect. Yet, she was also
created in a time when a woman needed to ally herself well with a
man for the sake of economic well-being. Seeking a modern-day Mr.
Darcy involves finding the right partner to share your life with,
and part of this must include him respecting your choices and
independence. Don't change your beliefs, your values, or your
opinions for the sake of someone else; be open-minded when
discussing topics and listening to new views and ideas but don't be
easily enslaved by Cupid's arrow. Maintain your independent thought
and reassure your modern-day Mr. Darcy that you can, and always
will, think for yourself.
* Be sure that you're evenly matched. Elizabeth reveled in the
intellectual stimulation provided by her encounters with Mr. Darcy
and the reader is left with the impression that their marriage
would be one of many evenings spent in front of the fire
philosophizing together.
* Mr. Darcy was impressed by Elizabeth's loyalty, affection, and
dedication to her family and friends. A modern-day Mr. Darcy does
not fear your love and attachment to your family and friends.
Indeed, he finds that endearing.
Don't chase after men. Elizabeth didn't do anything to cause Mr
Darcy to fall for her, other than to be her usual lovable self. She
didn't feel the need to throw herself at anybody. She didn't turn
herself into something that betrayed her true nature, and she
certainly wasn't swayed by the vacuous and often nasty social
climbing ways of many of the characters. Elizabeth remained true to
herself, and presented that reality to all, including to Mr. Darcy.
* Ask yourself whether it's pride or prejudice driving you to chase
a man who isn't right for you. You don't have to prove anything to
someone who spurns you; leave it be.
Be careful whom you fall for. On the one hand, it's comforting and
dreamy to yearn after a man like Mr. Darcy-like. On the other hand,
you could risk seeking unobtainable men whose character is tortured,
repressed, moody, and ultimately unattainable if the men you're
dating show all the signs of Mr. Darcy's negative character and none
of his redeeming features. In this case, you may be going after men
who will never connect fully with you and who are commitment-phobic,
causing continuous hurt. If this is a pattern you find you're not
able to break, talk it over with your therapist to try and uncover
the underlying cause.
* Bear in mind that Jane Austen didn't write "The Marriage of Mr and
Mrs Darcy". A lifelong commitment takes more than smoldering good
looks, a miraculous emotional opening up to you of a previously
tough and difficult character, and outward appearances. If you
marry someone who has the potential to be deeply moody and finds
it difficult to express his emotions, you risk a difficult
marriage.[4] [4] Be sure that your modern-day Mr Darcy is all you
want in a lifetime mate and more before committing till death do
you part.
* Date for a good period of time to find out whether your modern-day
Mr Darcy has any control-freak tendencies or a need to
dominate.[5] [5]
* Work at your relationship. Unlike the end of a novel,
real life relationships continue and require constant work and
injection of romance. But if you're after a modern-day Mr. Darcy,
that shouldn't be too hard!
!! Tips !!
* _Pride and Prejudice_ shows us all too well that first impressions
are often entirely wrong. At first, Elizabeth (aka "Prejudice")
is appalled by Mr. Darcy's conceit and judges him harshly;
likewise, upon first meeting Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy (aka "Pride")
lets his sense of self gets the best of him, and he insults her,
ruining his chances when he finally comes to see her in an
entirely different light. For these reasons, take good care not
to fall into the same trap; don't make judgments so hastily as to
ruin your chances of finding your Mr. Darcy.
!! Warnings !!
* You may have to search a long time before you find your Mr. Darcy,
but don't give up!
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Be a Gentleman
* How to Behave Like a Contemporary Gentleman
* How to Be a Modern Gentleman
* How to Write Romance Novels
* How to Be Romantic
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
------
[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-0
[2] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-1
[3] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-2
[4] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-3
[5] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-4
0 comments:
Post a Comment