Ah, romance. Just what everyone needs...right? The Valentine's Day
marketing machine and the quest for social acceptance can make
"Singles Awareness Day" dreary or even cruel if you're alone,
whether by choice or by circumstance. It's hard to see what else
life has to offer when you're bombarded with romantic comedies on
TV, flowers, romance novels and cutesy heart-shaped trinkets in the
stores, and never-ending drippy advertisements and event
announcements.
Fear not. You _can_ be happy as a single on Valentine's day. Resist
the pressure to couple up if it doesn't happen to be the time for you,
and celebrate the moment.
!! Steps !!
Get some perspective. If you feel sad because Valentine's Day causes
feelings of loneliness and reminds you that you're "just" a single,
it might help to realize that there are plenty of other single
people experiencing Valentine's Day too. While some of them might be
feeling as miserable as you, some of them are probably having a
wonderful time sniggering at the pointlessness of Valentine's Day or
not even bothering to give it any notice. And then there are many
couples who resist Valentine's Day as much as possible, despairing
of the pressure to conform to purchasing gifts and celebrating the
occasion like clockwork and who find the commercialization of
Valentine's Day crass even though they're in love. With this
perspective in mind, it can be a little easier to stop sniffling
into your handkerchief.
* Remind yourself that the benefits of Valentine's day are realized
in the cashier's till of the florist, candy retailers, gift stores
and restaurants catering for romantic dinners for two.
Love your singleness. Think about all the marvelous benefits of
being single, from not fighting over the TV remote control to being
able to keep your living space as clean or as messy as you'd like.
The "couples" messaging is strong but it isn't a reflection of the
full reality of how people choose to live their lives; don't fall
for the hype that everyone's paired off and happy as a result. There
are many very happy single people but it's just not currently
fashionable to cover the happiness of being single in media or
political discourse.
* Write a list of all the good points about being single. For
example, free time, no compromises on the homefront, less
responsibilities, etc. And think about how some of those good
points would evaporate within coupledom. Focus on the benefits
rather than seeing drawbacks.
* If people choose to rub your "singleness" in your face on
Valentine's Day, be strong and reply with compassion: "I like
being single. I get to choose how I want to live without having to
make compromises, meals, or even the bed." And you might wish to
mention that statistics reveal that half the community is single,
with 51 percent of women, for example, living without a spouse.[1]
[1]
Be happy within yourself regardless of your relationship status.
Romantic tales often suggest that another person can complete you,
with common sayings such as "my better half", "I was half the person
without you", and "our two hearts beat as one" being readily
asserted with few people stopping to assess what that actually
means. If taken too seriously, this unhealthy perspective can mean
co-dependence, loss of independence, and losing yourself in another
person. That is hardly romantic! And does coupledom equate with
happiness ever after? Divorce statistics and the stories of unhappy
marriages seem to attest otherwise for a large group of people. Bear
in mind that there's no need to change who you are, or to lose your
liberty or your habits when you're single. Rather than feeling down
on Valentine's Day, celebrate the strengths and achievements that
testify to you being a whole and healthy person, a person who has
space for love should it come along but who does not need such a
relationship to create self-worth and happiness right now.
Quick, quick, or you might miss out on love! Avoid being swept
away by the tide. You may be very romantic and long for your "soul
mate" some day but patience may need to be your current virtue.
There are plenty of Valentine's Days in a lifetime just as there are
plenty of possible people with whom you could eventually fall in
love. Sometimes what is difficult about surviving Valentine's Day as
a single is the sheer preponderance of love messaging suggesting
that you need to hurry or you'll risk missing the boat. If that were
the case, then love in your senior years wouldn't be possible and
that's just not true. Many romances spark throughout people's lives,
no matter what age. In the meantime, love the life you're living and
don't live for love.
* Remember what can happen to those who rush love and marry before
knowing themselves. This can end in one partner realizing some day
that they need to "find themselves" and the relationship suffers
for it.
* Diapers are not romantic. Endless nights without sleep are not
romantic. Don't rush before you're absolutely ready to commit;
enjoy this single time, now or for as long as you intend it to
last.
Chocolate doesn't care about your relationship status Treat
yourself. As you're standing in the queue waiting to pay for your
mundane everyday items, if you find yourself falling for the doe-eyed
stuffed teddy holding a heart while wishing someone would send you
one of those soppy cards, or you're salivating over the box of
heart-shaped chocolates, consider treating yourself instead of
beating yourself up. If that teddy is so cute you want it on your
bed, give in. Or better yet, splurge on buying something you'd really
like to have, like a bottle of perfume, a six-pack of European beers,
a new coffee plunger, or a recent book by a favorite author. Don't
make this day about deprivation!
* Do something decadent like attend a day spa all day long or go for
a sightseeing flight over your city. Take along some friends if
doing this alone feels weird.
* Not _too_ decadent. Set your troubles aside for a day, but don't
make them worse. You'll enjoy yourself more now as well as in the
future if you know you won't worry more about how to reduce
expenses because you spent too much on an indulgence like a huge
box of boutique chocolates, or how to lose weight fast because
they were too good to stop eating.
Get out and have fun with other singles Find out what's happening in
the singles scene. A number of bars hold singles parties that will
give you the chance to celebrate the day as an unattached person.
Don't take your love expectations though; just go to have a great
time and to discover some new people to talk to and share cocktails
with. This isn't about falling for anyone out of loneliness!
* The harsh reality of the main activity behind Valentine's
Day... Think of the money you're saving. The overly romantic
person might reply "Ah but what price can be placed on love? It is
priceless!" That kind of thinking can lead you to live a life of
extravagance without focusing on the practicalities and the
importance of validating relationships with words and deeds over
expensive love tokens. Diamonds are expensive and they're not that
good at relationship advice.
* Grab a friend and go for a run Love your exercise. If
love has you in its grip, shake it off like you'd shake off the
blues, with some good old-fashioned exercise. A run around the
park, a skate across the rink, or a swim in the pool might be just
the ticket to help you resist the more primal desires.
Consider the day after Valentine's Day. Will all those lovers
continue whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears, will they
keep surprising one another with candlelit dinners and trips down
memory lane? It is to be hoped so. Reality however, suggests
otherwise and we all, single or unattached, can fall into a habit
of not acknowledging the people who matter in our life. Why not
use Valentine's Day as a reminder to spend the rest of the year
letting people know how much they mean to you. That will show your
coupled friends that love is everywhere.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* You should also realize that they are less fortunate people around
the world, you may feel depressed about yourself on Valentine's
Day on not having a mate, but there's plenty of people who do
don't even have a home, food, good health, freedom, and other
essentials. Your situation pales in comparison to people who live
under dictatorships and/or third-world poverty. Try volunteering
at a homeless shelter or donate goods to third world countries.
You will realize how lucky you still are and not worry about not
having a mate too much.
* Hang out with like-minded people and enjoy the day in the gym or
at another relaxing place.
* Stay away from the stores. The marketers make Valentine's Day seem
like a "must-participate" occasion, as if you're some sort of
party-pooper for not joining in. This imagery is particularly
strong in places like Canada and the United States, while other
countries aren't so obsessed with the Valentine's Day celebration.
Perhaps book a trip overseas to escape it over the week leading up
to Valentine's Day!
* Send Valentines to the people you really love: family, close
friends, etc. It will help you to be grateful for all the true
love in your life and not just the temporary hype of Valentine's
Day love.
* Set up your sweet tooth and look forward to Cheap Chocolates Day,
when the soft centers and seasonal candy treats are marked down to
quarter price because the box is heart shaped. Best day of the
year to enjoy expensive boxed chocolates at a super discount.
Heck, consider this even if you are in a couple, it might be more
romantic to spend Valentine's Day itself alone getting into
something more personal and less crowd-oriented.
!! Warnings !!
* If people act as if they're sorry for you or pity you, avoid
biting or sarcastic comments about their love life. Just remind
them gently that you're happy or that you're actively getting on
with life in a way that works for you. If you're really pestered,
ask _them_ why it bothers them so much that you're not in a
couple. That might actually touch a raw nerve!
* Giving in and watching a whole lot of soppy romance movies,
listening to love songs on the radio, and watching Valentine's Day
specials on TV will make things far worse for you. Don't wallow in
your self-pity, because you shouldn't have any. You'll feel
wretched, cry, and think you're missing out on something. Do
yourself a favor and simply don't do it. There are plenty of fun
things you could be doing instead, like celebrating Ferris Wheel
Day.
!! Things You'll Need !!
* Treats for yourself
* Exercise time
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Make Valentine's Day More Meaningful
* How to Cope With a Lonely Valentine's Day
* How to Help a Lonely Friend
* How to Know if You Like Someone or if You're Just Lonely
* How to Enjoy Loneliness
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
* Discuss
Links:
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[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-0
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