Not the best way to start a conversation Conversations and
interactions when dealing with sensitive or macho males can sometimes
be very uncomfortable experiences, putting you at great unease.
However, turning this into a non-threatening exchange can be a very
sensible way to get most out of the conversation. Many males, and
some females too, experience a lot of difficulty making conversation;
many of us know how it feels when someone simply answers you with a
polite "yes" or "no" but does little else to oil the conversation.
To overcome this form of frustrating conversational style, it's
helpful to know that there are ways to encourage a relaxed
conversation. While this article is mainly concerned with males, there
are aspects of it that can be applied to the reticent female
conversationalist as well. And as with all generalizations, there will
be a lot of exceptions, so treat the guidance with common sense and
flexibility, as you find your way to helping the stiff
conversationalist come out of his shell to relax into a pleasant chat.
!! Steps !!
Help the guy to feel relaxed. While this may seem like a tall order
initially, the simple trick is to be yourself and to avoid trying to
fall into his way of being or rhythm. Use humor to break through the
hostility and tension, and to break the ice. Once you've created
space by smiling and encouraging his laughter, you'll be helping him
to relax more and increasing your chances for talking longer.
* When using humor, make sure that it is about inoffensive things or
that funny self-deprecating sort of humor that relies on making
yourself the point of the joke. That way you won't accidentally
tread on sacred ground and make things worse or cause him to feel
threatened.
* Be careful with conspiratorial humor, such as saying "Look at us
two dopes waiting for a drink at this bar filled with beautiful
people". Trying to draw him in to seeing what's funny about the
activity you're both currently doing can sometimes work but it can
also backfire if he doesn't see the funny side of things or if he
feels that you're poking fun at a serious choice of his.
Learn to relax yourself and this feeling will reciprocate. It's hard
to expect a relaxed conversation if you're not relaxed as well. Try
your best to approach the conversation in a relaxed manner, and to
not fear talking with the guy. He will soon pick up on your vibes
and let down his guard. When the tension breaks away, there will be
a lot more room for significant interaction and conversation.
Don't let that face put you off Don't be put off by stern and
unfriendly expressions. Most often, when a male has adopted these
types of expressions, it is done as an attempt to highlight their
"manliness", "macho" status, or cowboy or tough guy type
dispositions. The reality is that deep down, a soft and gentle soul
lies hidden, waiting to be conversed with in a kind and
understanding way.
* Consider pointing out something that you've noticed about him,
such as his great hat, his funny t-shirt, or the kind way in which
he just helped some kids get their balloon back. It's the little
things that add up to the softy that he is inside that are worth
noticing.
See past the opinions and judgments of other people. While you may
have prior conceptions of the guy courtesy of a well-meaning (or not
so well-meaning) friend or colleague, be prepared to make your own
judgment. Every single interaction with a person is unique. We may
all experience different sides to the same person and this means
that every opinion has the potential to differ greatly. Make your
interaction or conversation with this guy your own personal
experience. One man may be a good son, but poor in friendships,
another man an ideal husband but a monstrous elder brother. As you
can see, each context is very different, and yet it involves the
same person. This simply means making up your own opinion about the
person in terms of how the two of you click or get along.
Create a non-threatening opening conversation. A male is most likely
to bring the conversation to an abrupt end or make an excuse to get
away politely, when he feels threatened or when you start to get too
personal. Leave the curious inquisitive urges for some other time,
when he gets to know you better and is more comfortable talking to
you and hanging around you. Stick to topics that don't require a
great deal of effort, such as sport, the weather, general comments
about impressions of the place you're both in or the food you're
eating, etc.
Choose your topic of conversation carefully. Find out as soon as you
can what he likes talking about by asking questions aimed at
eliciting this kind of information. Once you've formed a quick idea
of what he likes and dislikes, keep on those lines to ensure that
the conversation remains interesting to him. And use your own common
sense when summing him up – for example, it would be pointless
talking to a pensioner about the benefits of kick boxing, or to a
hairdresser about cardiac surgery, etc. There has to be some common
ground that both of you can pursue.
Be persistent but not to the point of annoying the other person. If
you feel that this attempt at conversing is going nowhere or is
becoming too torturous for you, break way politely and try again
some other time. You may also not want to close all doors or reach a
dead end on your first attempt, though. Leave avenues open for
future contacts or meetings. This will also very much depend on how
you feel about the situation but it can be worthwhile slowly
chipping away at a reserved guy's defenses in small but gradual
chats here and there, until he feels he can trust you and open up a
lot more. Thinking he doesn't like that! Always
remember that not everyone verbalizes their opinions. Focus on the
other's body language to assess if you're on the right track. This
should give you some indication as to whether you should keep quiet
or continue speaking. A grimace or deep sigh is obviously not a good
positive indicator. It shows boredom or a lack of interest in what
you are saying. However, an intent direct look in your direction or
even a simple smile may suggest that you should go on and keep the
pace. Also, it can help to know whether the person you're speaking
with is visual, auditory, or kinesthetic, as knowing this can help
you to direct your conversation in a way that they'll really gel
with you:[1] [1]
* Visual conversationalists are often well dressed, neat, and talk
fast when they do talk. They talk about things visually, such as
pictures in their mind's eye, and they tend to look around a lot.
This person tends to like to be in control because he has a
"vision". A conversation with a visual person can be improved by
painting word pictures and using a lot of words that are visually
stimulating, such as "How do you _see_ yourself?", "I _see eye to
eye_ with you on that point", and "Can you _imagine?_". Think of
yourself as describing so that this person can "see" your
conversation points.
* Auditory conversationalists tend to be people who respond to
sound. Conversation is something they love but it needs to be
something they can tune into to awaken their interest. They're
word lovers and often seek harmony in the sounds of words and
they're always listening for the rhythm. A conversation with an
auditory person can be improved by using terms that resonate with
their hearing sense, such as "_Sounds_ familiar", "Let me _tell_
you how.", and "That had me _tongue-tied_ and I _heard_ her
message _clear as a bell_".
* Kinesthetic conversationalists tend to be the most sensitive and
things need to feel right for the conversation to proceed well. A
trademark of this conversationalist may include slow, easygoing
talk and a need to take their time to get to the point. Most of
what they discuss will be couched in terms of feelings, and
improving a conversation can be as simple as resorting to feeling
language, such as "How do you _feel_ about that?", "That must have
_shaken_ you up!", and "Keep in _touch_".
* Enjoy finding out more about someone. One last way to
approach a conversation with a guy who seems reticent is to remain
genuinely interested in learning something new, something
undiscovered about him. If you can look past how difficult it
feels to hold the conversation and how much you wish you could
escape and do something less demanding, you can find yourself
genuinely amazed at finding out things about this guy that he only
reveals to people who take the time to care enough to break
through his tough exterior. What a reward to learn something about
a fellow human being that might otherwise have gone unknown!
Ultimately, this can really turn around your perception of the
guy, so persevere and you might gain a trusted friend for life.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* Some people are just shy and need more time before they can begin
to start trusting you. Give them this space and also the benefit
of the doubt. Don't give up just yet. You may discover something
awesome.
Approach giving an order or instruction delicately. This applies
mainly to the work environment when you have to instruct, order, or
discipline a male employee. In general, regardless of the gender,
your approach should be guided by professionalism, politeness, and a
focus on the employee before you being an important priority. Part
of the difficulty of giving an order or instruction to a male
employee can be the employee's ego; if he feels threatened, not
trusted, or that his own level of authority or knowledge is being
questioned, you risk him shutting down or replying abusively. Be
gentle in your approach and avoid abusing your authority through
demands, abusive language, or shouting, yelling, etc. If something
has gone wrong and the male employee is the source of the error,
avoid blaming the person; instead, be prepared to cite the facts and
the consequences, including the way forward.
* Be polite and use two-way communication rather than doing all of
the talking. Listen and make it clear that you have heard what he
has said.
* Remain pleasant and polite throughout your conversation.
!! Things You'll Need !!
* Talking topics and conversation starters
* Have a read of How to read body language
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About
* How to Have a Great Conversation
* How to Finish a Phone Conversation Without Being Rude
* How to Have a Witty Conversation
* How to Avoid Uncomfortable Conversations About Religion
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
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[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-0
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