A great sense of humiliation and expression of
self defeat can come from failing an important
test or exam. When helping someone through this
crisis, it's important to deal with the situation
without resorting to criticism, rebuke, or making
the person feel inadequate or confirming their
sense of being a failure. Success is crucial yet
at times failure can be linked to many an
external cause, a state of mind, and not
necessarily to any internal cause of intelligence
or aptitude. Seek to encourage and help the
person rise above this setback.
!! Steps !!
* _ Remind the unsuccessful candidate that he or
she is only human. Sometimes a sensible reminder of the reality
that we all err or make mistakes, helps calm and stabilize the
situation. Many great and distinguished icons in society have used
their failures as a stepping stone to success.
Show the unsuccessful candidate the advantages
of not letting things slide. Encourage him or
her to look to the positive side and to
embrace practicing persistence. Remind them
that the only real failure is to give up too
soon. If it seems that the unsuccessful
candidate lacks the motivation or the
determination to continue trying, overcome
this by focusing on their previous successes
in exams, tests, and other challenges, and the
strategies they used in those situations.
* Take a moment to help them identify the benefits of continuing to
stick with their goals over abandoning them - this makes an
excellent writing exercise as creating a list can help them to see
things more clearly.
* If you have time, have a look online for stories about people who
have taken exams or tests more than once. You might be surprised
how many people have done so! But more to the point, these people
eventually succeed because they don't give up_.
Refrain from mockery and damaging comments.
Nobody benefits from being called useless,
stupid, or having it insinuated that they're
incapable of ever getting a thing right. Those
kinds of barbs stick and are not motivating;
worst of all, saying such comments will assure
the person that they are a failure in someone
else's eyes, causing them to believe it. If
you're already emotionally involved with the
person in question and feel a sense of anger
or annoyance that they didn't pass (as is the
case with some parents), take some time away
to calm down before broaching the subject.
* You're more likely to be upset if the exam or test involves
monetary losses on your behalf. Try to see this as being about the
person, not the money. And the money needs to be something that
you believe will return to you some day even if it doesn't seem so
now. Your support of the candidate will be beneficial in the
long-term, whereas going on about lost money will only further rub
in the pain for the candidate who is already more than aware of
the costs involved.
Become directly involved in trying to remedy
the situation. Be sensitive to the needs of
the candidate when seeking to implement
solutions. For example, adult education often
involves juggling other roles and
responsibilities while trying to achieve a
college or part-time degree or diploma and
this can eat up a lot of the person's study
time. Are there ways that you can help
practically? Offer assistance where you can.
This might involve helping run errands,
helping with household chores, driving them to
the exam center etc. Lending a helping hand in
small ways can lead to better exam success.
* Something to consider is to suggest that the student take a break
to refresh before tackling the learning process again. Getting
away from it all can restore a battered sense of confidence as new
sights, sounds, and experiences bring back their sense of purpose
and drive. If you can accompany them and this would be a pleasant
thing for the student, then do so.
* For all students, consideration to more intensive tutoring might
be useful. Talk to the student about his or her feelings
concerning such tuition and work from there.
* If there is a chance to sit exams earlier than other students, be
supportive and alleviate the student's workload elsewhere so that
he or she can concentrate just on studying in the lead-up to the
exam. This also includes being thoughtful about how you spend your
time, such as not making too much noise around the student, or
rubbing it in that you have time spare to enjoy yourself while he
or she is knuckling down.
Build and work on the person's self
confidence. If the student lacks in self
esteem and confidence, seek ways to enhance
their feelings of self worth. This can be
easily achieved through motivational and self
help literature and books. This kind of
inspirational material is freely available at
public libraries or from friends. Of even
greater value for many people is the gift of
your time to listen to them and to help them
through challenges by talking together. Often
we are so busy that we don't realize that
simply having the chance to talk things
through can make a huge difference to a
person's self-esteem and can help them
identify ways of fixing things for themselves.
* In addition to building personal self-confidence, be sure to help
them with building exam or test confidence. They did something
wrong in order to fail and it's important to pinpoint what that
was so that they don't repeat it again. Encourage them to talk to
the teachers or lecturers, to read reviews of the exams or tests,
and to purchase books that can help them improve the studies in
that field.
* It might also help to ask them if they feel calm and confident
when taking an exam. If not, it may be necessary to focus on some
calming skills.
Help them clear a decent study spaceEncourage consistency and
commitment. To pass a difficult test or exam, being committed to
this success is vital and important. Ultimately the amount of
time spent on learning material will ensure if the student
passes or fails. Encourage them to break away from a "fixed time
and schedule" for studying. Learning and revising the test
material can be done at any place and at any time.
* Consider making some short-term personal sacrifices if these would
help. Things such as not having the TV up too loud while the
student is studying, and turning off your light earlier when it's
bedtime so that he or she can get a full night's sleep.
* Help the student to create stirring visions
for his or her future. Success breeds success and once the student
has a good handle on how to study successfully, this habit becomes
part of his or her entire educational cycle. Ultimately, learning
how to handle failed exams helps the learning process about
failure in general; this leads to a better quality life and most
importantly gives the person dignity and independence as an
individual.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* Be patient. Some people respond more positively to help and
encouragement when you show respect and understanding.
* Be supportive. This is the very best approach there is; an
understanding, caring, and helpful attitude will work wonders.
* In most learning institutions, there are no penalties for trying
again and even where there are, a student can usually find a way
to manage around this, such as looking to another institution.
Moreover, employers don't care how many times you took a test or
exam, provided that you did and succeeded, so perhaps reminding
the student of this can help boost their confidence
!! Warnings !!
* Avoid angry outbursts. If you have any disappointments, contain
them. Giving voice to what _you_ wanted from the other person's
efforts will not help them any and it will often end up eroding
their self-confidence and make matters worse.
* Avoid being a nag. Acting superior and displaying a "holier than
thou" attitude lacks compassion and empathy and will only set the
unsuccessful candidate against you. Indeed, it can result in them
feeling more rebellious and cause them to throw it all away just
to spite you.
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Support Friends when They Are Down
* How to Comfort Someone Who Is Sad
* How to Brighten Someone's Day
* How to Comfort Your Friend
* How to Encourage Your Child to Love Learning
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
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