Are you worried that someone is stalking you on Facebook? Dealing
with a situation of being stalked on Facebook can be complicated by
the fact that Facebook causes us to view our connections as
"friends". That can make getting rid of these stalkers tough, because
they just don't seem to go away, and you don't want to be mean to
them. Yet, allowing their behavior to diminish your enjoyment of
Facebook is no option at all, and there are some things you can try
to get them to stop Facebook stalking.
While most of the steps in this article are about how to deal with a
Facebook stalking situation yourself in as non-confrontational and
assertive a way as possible, be aware that if you feel more than just
irritated or challenged by the behavior and instead feel threatened or
harassed in any way, then the Facebook stalking has become very
serious and should be dealt with promptly; this situation is discussed
at the end of the article.
!! Steps !!
Understand what being stalked on Facebook might constitute. While
stalking on Facebook doesn't have the physical elements of being
stalked in the real world, such as being followed or watched, or
finding dead rats in your mailbox, etc., the feelings unleashed tend
to be just the same, and are just as real.
* Online stalking consists of people creeping you out because they
won't leave you alone, they send messages that unsettle you
(whether purposefully intended or unknowingly), especially with
respect to suggesting or implying that they're watching and noting
your every comment and update.
Look to the intent behind the stalker's motives. The intent behind
the person bothering you matters; clearly there is a difference
between friends and family browsing your online information to
keep themselves apprised of what you're sharing and a person who
targets you specifically, drooling over everything _you_ do and
then remarking on it, possibly spooking you.
* Research undertaken by University of Missouri Professor Kevin
Wise[1] has demonstrated that healthy wall viewing in Facebook
consists of what he terms "social browsing", whereby friends and
family look at your general newsfeed and updates, enjoy the read
but then move on to other people and activities; in other words,
they're simply including you in their circle of friendship. On the
other hand, what Professor Wise terms "social searching" involves
a more concerted action on behalf of the viewer. Here the viewer
focuses solely on _your_ wallposts, pictures, updates, etc., and
doesn't balance this with viewing other people's Facebook feeds;
in other words, this person is behaving as if he or she is
obsessed with you.
* A "social searcher" experiences far stronger good or bad emotional
reactions in relation to what he or she reads than people merely
socially browsing.[2] This suggests that if a Facebook stalker is
"out to get you" (either to be more a part of your world or to
avenge a slight or a break up, etc.), it's possible they'll
misconstrue everything you say online into something it isn't.
Check for possible Facebook stalking signs. Some indicators of
Facebook stalking _might_ include (dependent on who the "friend"
is and what they're up to):
* Is the person failing to leave you alone despite your various
requests to stop messaging you, leaving wall comments, or sending
you things like links and Farmville gifts?
* Are they leaving lots of comments that are suggestive of the two
of you spending more time, or even the rest of your lives,
together (and they're not your lover or spouse)?
* Are you at the receiving end of intimidating language or abusive
language (such as cursing or sexually suggestive comments)?
* Are you being bullied and/or threatened? For example, has someone
been posting unkind, doctored, private, etc., photos of you online
(or perhaps of people close to you as well)?
* Are you experiencing a case where the person will simply not leave
you alone but keeps posting updates, sending messages, and
constantly butting in? While not necessarily being nasty, mean, or
threatening, doing this constantly tends to reveal obsessive
behavior.
Consider your own perception of the Facebook stalking situation.
If the person stalking you is chatting with you every time you're
online, sending you constant messages in your inbox, is always
commenting on and liking all your posts and photos, and is barely
leaving you alone, your response can range anywhere from
irritation and frustration to finding it unpleasant, difficult to
deal with, and overwhelming. Even if these actions are done only
occasionally, there can be a problem where anything they've said
leaves you feeling pressured, upset by what they've added, or
you've asked them to stop contacting you at all but they haven't.
* Consider your own feelings before worrying about theirs. Do you
feel like someone is stalking you just because of what they're
saying or doing? Do you feel as if someone is obsessing over you
(either because they really like or really hate you)?
* Do you feel overwhelmed, bewildered, annoyed by their constant
messaging and posts? This is enough of a reason for you to find a
solution that works for you.
Respond. Provided that you don't feel immediately threatened (see
below), try responding in a graduated way. Realize that there is
always the possibility that this person doesn't really understand
that what he or she is doing is so upsetting to you. It's
recommended that you try to open the lines of constructive
communication before taking the issue more seriously. After all,
there's no need to cause unnecessary drama in your life because
you reacted rudely to the other person or misunderstood their
motives, only to end up with them and 10 other people ranting at
you about it! Start by assuming the best and simply asking them to
stop, keeping in mind that if this doesn't work, you have all the
remaining options at your disposal.
* Say something like: "Hey J! Did you realize that you're the only
person who leaves me posts and messages every hour? I'm finding it
hard to deal with and I'd be really happy if you could cut it back
to, say, one post a day instead. Does that work for you?"
* Obviously, if the person leaving the messages and notes is a real
life close friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, or a family member, it
goes without saying that some of these people will leave a lot of
messages because it seems the natural thing to do. All the same,
they should acquiesce to any requests from you to chill on their
excessive messaging and if talking to them doesn't work, speak
with other family members or friends to get additional support.
* Try short replies or no replies at all. If they comment on a
picture by saying such things as how pretty it is and how you
should hang out with them, and how awesome they think you are,
etc., just say little; a "Thanks" will suffice. If they chat with
you and write really long messages just say, "lol" or "ok" to show
that you aren't really interested. Next, proceed to not replying
at all to anything this person leaves on your wall and in your
message box. For example, if they comment on your statuses just
saying, "lol" or "ok", don't even reply, and they won't have
leverage left to keep that comment stream running. In this way,
you're giving out subtle hints that you're annoyed by what this
person is doing but that you're not going to get involved by
replying.
Leave less subtle hints. More obvious hints might cause some people
to feel embarrassed enough around mutual friends online to stop.
For example, tag them in a post (put the @ symbol and then their
name) and say something like, "I love how (person's name) comments
and likes all of my things!" This is not too rude, but it gives
them a clear hint that you've noticed and find it annoying.
Hopefully, they'll get the hint. Just be aware that they might also
think it's a compliment or a thank you to them.
* You might try a wallpost: "Please don't leave comments when I post
stuff like X, Y, Z. It's just an update of no consequence!" It
doesn't directly name them but it does make it clear to them that
you don't think much of the commenting.
* If you can't beat them, join them! This might cure the problem in
its tracks. If he or she is a Facebook friend you don't know too
well, but who is always commenting and liking your stuff, try
commenting and liking all of his or her stuff too. It may well be
that this person genuinely digs you and the two of you might just
become good friends with shared interests as a result! This step
is a twist on the "don't assume the worst of other people" step;
sometimes it takes changing _your_ perspective and broadening
_your_ understanding of using Facebook in order to put things
right again. Maybe an online friendship will grow, but only if you
try!
Ask them to stop again, more firmly this time. When it really
starts to get on your nerves and you've already tried the softly
softly approaches, get back to them politely but be firmer this
time. Send a chat message or an inbox message and let them know
that the constant commenting and messaging is not appropriate,
that you'd like them to comment and like your stuff a lot less.
For example:
* "Hey X! I'm following up my earlier request to you to ease up a
little on the posts and messaging. It's really not working for me
having you leave so many posts; it's not like I even post
interesting stuff worth commenting on half the time. I had hoped
you'd understood my request last time and now I'm letting you know
that I'd really rather you didn't do this anymore. It's not like
I'm going to read or respond to what you're adding and it'd be
better for both of us if you stopped." At this point, you can make
a choice as to whether or not you will warn them about your
intention to block them.
If they won't take the hints or the direct messages, consider
blocking them. There are two approaches to this. The first is to
warn them that you'll do it and then to follow through if they
don't heed your warning within a set period of time. Only do this
if you think it'll have an impact and won't make them angry with
you. The second response is to simply block them and not alert
them – if you've already given enough hints, it'll hardly be a
surprise.
* You can block a friend by going to your Privacy Settings. Click on
the button "Customize" and go to "Posts by Me". Click on
"Customize" again and block them from viewing your wall. Read How
to delete friends from Facebook for more information on removing a
friend.
* For people hassling you in general, read How to block people on
Facebook for more information.
* Read How to block someone in Facebook chat if you want to stop
someone chatting to you using Facebook.
Tell your friends. It's important to let friends you trust know
what's happening, especially where they're mutual friends with
both of you. If they're supportive of you and understanding of the
situation, they can either take the same action or they can keep a
lookout for the behavior of the blocked person and let you know
what's happening. This is important for several reasons – if you
took this action because you felt there was no other choice but
you're still offline friends, then your other friends can help
smooth the waters between the two of you; or, if the blocked
person feels offended and tries to retaliate, the more people who
can support you _and_ try to help the other person see the error
of their ways, the better.
* Realize that some obsessive people don't always understand the
harm they're inflicting. In some cases, they may even think
they've been super friendly or caring, and being blocked can cause
them to take this as a personal rejection which might lead them
seeking to muddy your reputation if you're not careful.
* On the other hand, they may just be someone who really got the
wrong end of the stick on how to use Facebook and will apologize
when he or she finally "gets it".
If you feel genuinely threatened, humiliated, harassed, or you're
in fear, as a result of what the other person has been posting on
Facebook, seek help quickly. Talk to parents, friends, teachers,
counselors, etc., and let them know what you're going through.
Actions taken to instill fear or make threats are as real and
wrong online as they are offline. This is not something to put up
with alone and the sooner you get support and someone else to talk
to, the sooner you'll know whether or not the fears are in your
own head or whether there really is a situation to be concerned
about.
* Never let death threats or threats of harm to you or property
damage slide. These are police matters and contacting the police
immediately is warranted.
!! Tips !!
* It is recommended that you only add people to your friends list
whom you truly consider to be friends or people you know. By doing
this, you will eliminate stalkers almost completely.
* As well, it is recommended that you don't ever add people you
don't like or get along with. Just because they're popular or
they're friends of some of your other friends, doesn't mean that
your inability to get along won't surface. Sometimes such
"enemies" start stalking you by dissing you when commenting
statuses and photos, writing nasty messages on your wall, and
liking statuses that you write that aren't good (for example: "My
cellphone just broke!") and trying to cause drama. Just avoid even
adding them, and eliminate even more stalkers.
* If you have to, just block them. Although you may not want to,
sometimes, you just have to if they won't stop. This is a measure
of self-protection and gives them time to cool off and to stop
obsessing over you.
* If it's somebody from school whom you just don't know well, try
not to make a big deal! Maybe they were trying to be friends in a
most awkward way. But if they are being a "frenemy" by making nice
comments sometimes, and rude comments at other times, then you ask
them directly what they're doing.
* If it's a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend, or family member, talk
to them directly.
!! Warnings !!
* Assume the best before assuming the worst, where relevant. It may
just be poor Facebook etiquette or understanding, or the person
may be going through a rough patch. On the other hand, if you feel
threatened or harassed, don't treat it lightly; get help
immediately, even if it's just to talk it through with someone
else's level head giving you their perspective of the matter.
* Don't feel you have to accommodate people who misuse the Facebook
service. Your feelings and enjoyment are as important as anybody
else's, and if your Facebook experience has been considerably
spoiled by their behavior, then accommodating them any further
will simply continue to harm you
!! Things You'll Need !!
* Facebook account
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Get Rid of a Stalker
* How to Avoid Being in a Facebook Relationship With Your Boyfriend
* How to Block Annoying People on Facebook Chat
* How to Unblock Someone on Facebook and Apologize
* How to Deal With Cyber Bullying As a Child or Teen
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
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