Friday 1 October 2010

How to Talk to a Guy Who Doesn't Like You Anymore

How to Talk to a Guy Who Doesn't Like You Anymore

Whether he's your ex-love, ex-friend, or just
some guy you used to get along with well until
something happened between the two of you, it can
be difficult when he stops liking you and yet
you'd still like to communicate. Maybe you need
to keep talking for work reasons or because
you've got mutual friends, maybe you'd just like
to remain friendly, or maybe you're the kind of
person who needs to feel it's still alright to
still be able to talk together now and then.

Finding the courage and means to keep talking to a guy who doesn't
like you anymore can be tough, but if you think it's worth it, here
are some suggestions to try.

!! Steps !!

* _ Try to see the situation from his point of
view. What happened in your relationship to make him actively
dislike you? Was there anything you did that annoyed him a lot? If
so, maybe you'll need to refrain from being that way around him,
such as being too talkative, asking too many questions, or teasing
him about his flaws, etc. Once you've identified the possible
problem, it becomes easier to see it from his perspective. Perhaps
he's ashamed, afraid, or feels awkward about continuing talking to
you and finds it easier to just ignore you or step aside whenever
you're about. Trying to empathize with his actions will help you
to understand his motivations better and can help you to develop a
way of overcoming his reticence to keep talking.
Consider why you want to keep talking to this
guy. If your reason is just because you want to
rehash the past and make him feel bad or to
demand that he rethink your former
relationship, then your reason for continuing
to talk with him isn't healthy and will only
succeed in driving him further away from you.
On the other hand, if you genuinely want to
maintain a speaking terms relationship that
will be constructive and caring for both of
you, then it's worthwhile trying.

* If you still want to talk to him because you need for for work,
hobby interests, volunteering, etc., this is a very solid reason.
It is also a reason that you can put forward when he questions why
you keep trying to talk with him.

* If you want to talk to him because you've got mutual friends and
it'll make everyone feel uncomfortable or as if they have to act
as go-betweens for the two of you, this is another sound reason to
try and resume cordial communications between the two of you.

* If he is family, this is often a good reason to try and
re-establish communications but it won't always be something that
works out; it depends on what happened between the two of you.

Don't apologize where the issues are about his lack of
commitment or "issues"Be careful with apologizing. If you did
something that you know clearly was enough to rupture your
relationship together, then there will be firm grounds for you
to say sorry. But if you don't know why he has stopped talking
to you, saying sorry can make things worse and leaves you
looking as if you're trying to take the blame for something that
doesn't carry any blame or reason. And that can make you appear
desperate or clingy. If you don't know the extent of the reason
as to why he has stopped talking to you, or if you're clear that
there is nothing you did that caused this rift, avoid
apologizing unnecessarily.

* Do say sorry where it's required. If you were at fault for
something wrong, admit it, apologize, and expect to move on. Don't
wallow in it or you'll embarrass yourself and him.

Avoid demanding, threatening, or badgering the
guy. If you want to start conversing again,
these approaches will cut your chances down
straight away. This is especially difficult
where the two of you were romantically involved
and you'd dearly like to get back together
again. Instead of thinking in these terms,
think simple and seek only to resume talking to
him.

* Say a simple "hi" or "hello" every time you see him, and accompany
it with a smile. Maybe a little wave or a positive hand gesture
when the moment is right.

* Ask for help with something. This can be a good way to get him to
respond with kindness if you can find something you genuinely need
help with, such as homework or work overflow, fixing something
that is broken, carrying something for you, or even just asking
for his opinion about something.

Take it slowlyTake it slowly. It'll take time to rebuild his
trust in you if he's hiding from you out of fear, shame, or
confusion. And if he's simply disgusted by something you did, it
will take even longer, if ever, to rebuild broken trust.
Whatever the reason for his non-communicativeness around you,
try to wear him down by continuing with your simple, friendly
approach. Make it clear that you're not asking for anything more
than to be able to talk to him in a normal way. This means
having no agenda beyond being able to talk together again – no
expectations, no "things-the-way-they-used-to-be", and no
underhanded revenge plot.

* Don't rush into it. This is something with more don'ts than do's.
It's really awkward when there's a sudden desire to try and spring
back to a relationship dating from before the dinosaurs roamed.

* Do what you used to do at a milder level. Used to slap him on the
back? Just laugh and wave your hand, or something equally
innocuous and non-touching. Think of it this way: you used to eat
super spicy food, then you stopped. Well, you have to build up
tolerance again right? Same here. Whatever you try, don't go out
and slap him on the butt or something just as crazy that you used
to do!

* If you do want to reconnect via touch, keep your touch light, and
refrain from touching him anywhere personal. The top of the hand,
side of his arm, etc., are fine but neck massages and trying to
hold hands are indicative of you wanting way too much out of him
at this stage and you'll scare him right off.

Ask him if you can have a quick chat. Promise
him it's not about "getting back together", or
anything emotionally draining. Shout him to a
drink and have a quick conversation focused on
why you'd like to be able to keep talking with
him. Try to pull in factual reasons for why
it's important that the two of you get back to
talking again. Something along these lines
might work:

* "Greg, I know what we had is over and done with and I'm cool with
that. But I don't like not being able to communicate with you. For
instance, when that work report was due last Wednesday and yours
was the vital missing piece, I felt so darned awkward sending you
an email as your co-worker instead of being able to come in and
ask for the piece direct. I think it's important that we keep
conversing at work, at least about professional things, but
preferably as friendly co-workers."

* "Joe, I don't want to discuss what happened, we both know what's
done is done. But I don't want to stop talking to you either.
Rachel, Bianca, George, and Joshua are wondering if we can ever
all hang out together again because the two of us aren't talking
and not only do I feel embarrassed about that but I'd really like
it if we could just talk as friends and make it easier for all our
friends. There's nothing more than that, I think you're a terrific
person and I understand that we're both moving on. But I'd like us
to keep talking."

* Try using less confronting communications
methods. If talking direct is too much for him (and maybe even
you) right now, make use of technology. Make the most of emails,
text, and even snail mail letters or notes. In each case, don't be
stalker-like and overwhelm him with an enormous amount of messages
or creepy overtones; just a few messages here and there, taking it
easy on the tone, and showing light-hearted care.

* Give up once you've tried and nothing works.
Know when it's better to let go and stop trying to get him to
respond to you. If he doesn't want to, let it be and throw your
energies back into enjoying talking with your responsive friends.
There are plenty of people in this world for you have great
relationships with and it's no use being a burden of a friend to
him; ironically, in being such, it'll also be a burden on you_.

!! Tips !!

* Think about talking to him in front of a mixed group of friends.
It'll be harder for him not to be polite to you in this situation.
Naturally, there is a risk that he might still snub you and leave
you feeling embarrassed but that will also reflect poorly on him,
so if you're with genuine friends, you'll get support.

* Subtle things can really close a gap, like a small smile, a
shoulder shrug, or a humorous take on something you've both just
witnessed.

* Remember that it's really easy to get into an awkward situation.
To get out of it, you an always laugh and change the subject.
Don't do that too much or he'll feel nervous.

!! Warnings !!

* Be careful. People can change into a completely different person.
If he's not the friendly, caring guy you once knew, or if he
threatens you, walk away.

* When some people get mad, they get violent. If he's one of those
people, watch out.

!! Things You\'ll Need !!

* Phone or internet (optional)

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Get a Guy to Stop Calling You

* How to Talk to a Guy over the Phone

* How to Be Close Friends With the Guy You Like

* How to Show a Guy That You Like Him

* How to Hint for a Kiss from a Guy

!! Article Tools !!

* Read on wikiHow

* Discuss

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