He says he wants more space; you jump to the conclusion he wants
out...It's a bit of a running joke sometimes, about the man in
your life needing more "space", but in reality, it's no joke at
all. Any relationship in which two people behave in an overly
dependent manner can feel oppressive or smothering for either
party, and indicates a need for one or both people to learn to
cope apart as well as together.
A healthy relationship will always benefit from giving each other
space, and never more so than when you feel that your boyfriend is
champing at the bit to be "released" a little more often to just be by
himself or to spend time with his mates. If you're finding it
challenging to let go even though the relationship's becoming a bit
too much to handle, it's a sign that now more than ever, you do need
to learn to give him his space. Here are some suggestions to help you.
!! Steps !!
It's normal to worry but it's more important to look for
solutionsReach a decision that it's alright to give your
boyfriend space. The sooner you accept that giving one another
space is normal, healthy, and indeed necessary for a flourishing
relationship, the better for the both of you. If things have been
reaching breakpoint in your relationship, try letting the
situation go for a while. Stop wanting to control what he's
doing, and stop worrying and being frustrated about what you're
not getting out of the relationship. Instead, just relax in the
present moment. By letting things be, they often have a way of
fixing themselves on their own.
* Realize that your boyfriend is more likely to want to break up
with you if you keep breathing down his neck than if you give him
the space he craves.
* Don't assume the worst when he asks for space; if he still gives
signs of caring about you and wanting to see you now and then,
take it at face value that he really does need space. Perhaps he's
stressed from a heavy workload, or snowed under with exam studies.
Try to look for the actual reasons beyond yourself.
* Trust. Trust that your love will blossom with space, rather than
wither. Part of this is about examining your own motives for being
with him – if it's just love, you'll unearth this trust. But if
it's security, money, prestige, or some other non-love reason
you're with him for, now is a good time to re-examine your purpose
in the relationship.
Yeah... and? And why?Ask questions to clarify what's going on.
Without appearing paranoid or overly emotional, be forthright in
asking your boyfriend what he sees as being given space, and how
much time he's contemplating. Is he wanting a few days or weeks
now, or does he want this to be a permanent arrangement, such as
having every Saturday to himself? This can help to reassure you
that he has sound reasons for wanting space that don't involve
breaking up with you, and it gives both of you some solid ground
to work out the duration or precise times you won't be turning
up in his life.
* This is a good opportunity for you to also outline the space you'd
like too. Don't be bratty about it; simply think of genuine
reasons what you'd like, such as Friday nights free to spend with
your girlfriends!
OK, so you want every weekend free from now on? I'd like to see
you at least one weekend a month!Sort something out amicably. At
this stage, it's vital that you don't come across as needy,
petulant, or terrified of losing him. Whatever you do, do not
walk off in a huff or throw a fit. Both reactions are calculated
to have him retreat even further into his shell and feel
justified for wanting even more space! Instead, visualize
yourself as a person negotiating something that is perfectly
reasonable, then go ahead and negotiate it without appearing too
down.
* Don't look like you need him. It's absolutely vital that you show
you're not needy, clingy, or desperate for someone else to
complete you. Remind yourself that you're your own strong,
confident, and independent woman. You don't need him to ensure
your peace and happiness. A strong and confident woman with a
sense of her own purpose in life is extremely attractive to guys,
so you'll be doing both of you a favor by being this way.
* Avoid begging for anything. There is no harm in asking him
occasionally for help, for extra time together, and for
indications of your future direction together. It becomes
undesirable when you fall into asking constantly, begging him to
do things with you or to spend more time with you. And it's worse
if you put on a turn, cry, and generally act miserable. Just don't
do it!
Spend more time with your friendsShape up your own time. Instead
of feeling mopey and clingy, see this as a great opportunity to
occupy yourself with a range of things to do and friends to meet
up with. Rediscover or uncover a hobby, new or old friends, and
activities. Become more involved in your career direction and
perhaps think about improving your chances of getting a
promotion. Get some purpose back into your life that allows you
to grow and exist apart from your boyfriend, and to be able to
prove to him that you're capable on your own, which will
reassure him more than anything else that you're not going to
suffocate him.
* Get outdoors and do some fun activities. Long walks, hikes,
climbing, swimming, sailing, etc., will improve your mood
considerably.
* If you feel as if you've lost yourself when he asks for space,
this is a good indication that you need the space as much as he
does. Spend some time contemplating, reflecting, and even
meditating. If you're not sure about what direction you're taking
in life, or what you really care about beyond your boyfriend, use
this time to do some deep thinking.
* Realize and embrace the power of showing that you have a life of
your own.
* Be patient but also keep activeBe patient. If you both want
the relationship to succeed at a gradual pace, then love the space
for the chances it provides you both. Take time to discover each
other and yourselves rather than always trying to please one
another or set one another off when things don't fall into place
as you'd like. When you allow your boyfriend the space to think,
to do the things he loves, and to be with his mates, he'll start
missing you soon enough and wanting you by his side again.
* Respect his choices and reap the rewardsRespect his choices
and his freedom. The more respect and freedom you give your
boyfriend, the more he'll come to you, because you'll be someone
who doesn't make demands on him. Nobody likes demands, and guys
are especially uncomfortable when they feel the pressure of
romantic demands. Such pressure can push them away from people
pushing the demands on them. On the other hand, if a guy can spend
time with someone who loves him for who he is, and just lets him
be himself with no conditions or demands placed on him, he'll
absolutely love you. Love unconditionally, which simply means: set
no conditions!
* Be best matesBe his best friend. Listen when he talks and
don't comment until he's done talking. When you do comment, be
positive and supportive. Don't criticize or judge – if you feel
you need to do that, think very carefully about why you want to be
with him. Be his buddy, make him feel at ease and comfortable with
you. He'll soon start pouring out all of his thoughts and
feelings, not just about his life and other people, but he'll soon
begin to uncover his true feelings for you as well. Why? Because
he feels safe and comfortable again to do so.
* Think over your own habits; any worth changing?Change your own
bad habits. If you have any bad habits you know he doesn't like
(like whining, clinging, gossiping, etc.), seek to change them.
And prove to him you are changed. He may test you, so give him
time – his new trust won't come fast, so you need to be patient
and consistent. Always remember, people do change once they make
up their mind to do so, which means so can you!
* This isn't about pretending to give him more space...Don't
give your boyfriend space as a ruse just to manipulate him and
then try to seek to control him again. Do it because you want to
change the way you approach your relationship together and because
you love him and trust that this is the right thing for your
relationship at this point. When you approach the space issue with
the right mindset of broadening your own life experiences and
respecting his time to do the same, you'll be more confident and
independent no matter what the final outcome.
* Relax and be happy; enjoy being together!Relax and be the girl
he fell in love with. Be happy and carefree, learn to love
yourself as much as you love him, and find constructive ways to
share time together and apart. Once you've got the balance sorted,
you'll never look back.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* If he chooses to do something or say something, don't assume it
always has to do with you. He may not be aware of what he's saying
because he's just sharing freely, like he would with his friend.
So, don't take things personally. Lighten up and joke around with
him. Be his buddy. Relax!
* Don't try too hard. He'll see right through it!
* Make a list of things you want to accomplish while you're giving
him space. Have an eye to making this list a permanent feature in
your life, not just as a way of passing time now; the newly
focused you is going to be well-rounded and capable!
* Keep healthy and fit and don't allow this time apart to become a
source of letting yourself go. Exercise to clear your mind and
release any pent-up anger. Eat healthy. Clear out your wardrobe
and keep only the best clothes to make yourself feel good about
yourself.
* Change your hair color. Become new and improved – for you first
and foremost, as a pact to yourself that you're going to get on
with things regardless of the outcome of the space issue.
* Show him that if he's thinking of leaving you he'll lose out big
time. Remember though, that if he chooses to turn any prolonged
distance between you into a permanent break-up, it's his loss, not
yours.
!! Warnings !!
* Don't cling, don't criticize, don't complain, it's a huge turnoff!
* Don't try to know his every move while you are giving him space,
its shows a stalker-like person!
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Avoid Being an Obsessive Girlfriend
* How to Have a Healthy Relationship
* How to Deal With an Ex Boyfriend Who Wants More Space
* How to Accept Your Boyfriend's Friends
* How to Accept Your Boyfriend's Interest in Pornography
* How to Act Silly with Your Boyfriend
* How to Feel Confident
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
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