A bad date can leave you feeling bemused, embarrassed, and
unimpressed with yourself. Yet, if you're part of the dating
scene, you're bound to bump into the inevitable bad date.
Sometimes the person you're dating is a mess, sometimes
you're the one doing everything wrong, and occasionally, the
activities you planned turn into a disaster. Here's what to
do to survive, or perhaps even turn around, a bad date.
!! Steps !!
Oh-oh, watch out! Try starting over. If you're botching up left and
right, ask your date if you can start over. If you're willing to show
your human side and to acknowledge that you've mucked up, it can be a
genuine moment of vulnerability that endears you to your date. At
least give it a go, as doing so will probably relieve your date, as
well, who was probably getting worried that you're naturally like
this!
* Say something like: "I'm sorry, I'm really nervous, and I'm not
being myself. Can I have a do-over?" Then take a deep breath and
forget whatever you did that made you feel embarrassed, and start
over.
Ah, that's different... Be open-minded. If your date isn't what - or
who - you expected, that's not necessarily bad. Are you irritated
that he showed up wearing sweatpants and took you to Taco Bell? Maybe
he's saving up to buy a house, and maybe he has an amazing sense of
humor. Maybe he's gloriously unpretentious. Are you turned off by her
constant chattering? Maybe she's just nervous, possibly because she
genuinely likes you. Does your date seem a little creepy or awkward?
Who knows? Maybe he or she has Asperger's, chronic shyness, or simply
doesn't know what to do on a date. In other words, unless your date
is being outright rude, don't be too quick to write them off.
* Try using open-ended questions to get them to talk about
themselves more, especially where they seem nervous about talking.
Listen attentively and smile a lot.
* Keep in mind that it might be something you've said that your date
is too polite to point out. For example, if you've aired strong
opinions about sensitive issues (really a no-no for first dates),
you might have unwittingly insulted his or her own beliefs without
realizing. Tread with care!
Do something really nice for your date. Instead of focusing on how
bad you're feeling, target your fears or worries into trying to
ensure that your date is having a good time, even if you're doing it
for selfish reasons. It'll take the focus off you and your negative
thinking, and who knows, it might even brighten up the outlook for
future dates.
* Rush out and buy or pick a bunch a flowers. Excuse yourself by
saying you need a bit of fresh air or a bathroom break. Naturally,
you'll need a florist handy; even better if the two of you happen
to be walking by one as you can just do this on on the spur of the
moment.
* Offer to do something for your date if he or she has just spent
most of the date complaining about it. For example, if your date
keeps going on about having to care for a sibling or has a broken
car, offer to babysit or repair the car for them. That will take
away the reason for complaining and could even steer the rest of
the dating conversation in a whole new direction.
* Hold open doors, lay your coat down over the mud for him walk on,
let your date pick the best seat or the movie, etc. You get the
drift...
OK, whatever! Be laid back. So you're on a bad date. It's not the
end of the world. It's probably just a few hours out of your life.
Why not try just relaxing, and going with the flow? Whatever it is
that you're doing, try to enjoy it. If you're eating, for example,
focus on the food, instead of on how annoying your date is. Even
though every bone in your body is telling you that this person isn't
the one, see it as a situation where at least the two of you had a
chance to meet and exchange views and relish the reality that it
isn't for long. _ Maybe injecting a little silliness will
improve things! Find the humor in the situation. It helps to
maintain a sense of perspective and humor, as famously summed up by
Groucho Marx when he once announced: I've had a wonderful evening -
but this wasn't it._ And perhaps being funny can lighten the tension
that has been causing everything to go wrong so far; try a few laughs
on for size.
* Pay attention to every detail of what is going wrong in your date,
so you can tell your friends and you can all laugh over the date
escapades tomorrow. Come up with amusing metaphors for how
dreadful, tiring, cheap, etc., the date situation is turning out
to be (focus on finding the humor in the _situation_, rather than
at the expense of your fellow human being). Imagine you're a
stand-up comedian, relating the awfulness of the situation to an
audience.
* Remember your karma. It's all very well to be condescending about
your date but usually it's just a case that the two of you are not
made for one another. It doesn't mean he or she is any less a
person than you. It just means that you're incompatible, so keep
your sense of humor light-hearted and compassionate, and focus it
on the date itself and not on judging the person whom you barely
know anyway. The purpose of sensing incompatibility is to ensure
you don't make a daft choice for your lifelong mate, not for
making a laughing stock out of him or her.
Hi Evie! Really? I have to come get you... right now?! End it early.
If, for whatever reason, you know you're not interested in dating
this person anymore, the best thing to do is to end it. It may feel
uncomfortable or cruel, but it's not kind to give someone a pity
date, either (especially if they're paying). Say something like
"Look, I'm really sorry, but I don't want to waste your time. For
some reason, this isn't clicking for me. Do you mind if we cut this
short?" Or, you can lie and pretend you feel sick, or have an
emergency to tend to. If you don't have the courage to bail,
though...
* If your date is being rude, lewd, or even harassing you, don't
stand for it. Be assertive and inform your date that their
attitude is not acceptable. Let your date know that you're not
someone who will put up with such behavior, and leave.
If you're feeling really chicken, ring your friend from the
bathroom. Tell him or her that your date is going really badly and
ask your friend to get your out, fast. There are several possible
scenarios here:
* Have your friend drop by, "accidentally".[1] Your friend can
either turn up pretending to already be drunk, or can quickly
pretend to get drunk once with the two of you. Once he or she is
seriously pretend drunk, your friend can confess to a terrible
recent upset that has your friend losing the plot and needing to
be taken home by you, your friend's knight or dame in shining
armor. This one tends to work best between females!
* Have your friend call you back in a few minutes with a "family
emergency" that you just must attend to immediately.
* Have your friend arrive and simply take over the conversation,
boring your date to death while you listen rapt. Your date will
soon make motions to go home and you can say simply "Oh I'd love
to stay a little longer with X. I can call you a taxi if you'd
like."
Rediscover your passion for someone... or something... else Flirt
with other people. You don't have to wait for this date to end before
you start shopping for a new one! And who knows? Maybe someone you
cross paths with while on this date will end up being "the one" and
you'll have an interesting story to tell when people ask how you met!
* Realize that flirting in front of your date is pretty mean and
devastating. It's the ultimate ego-blow. Unless you're feeling
really mean or you're feeling unsafe or vulnerable around your
date, at least try to wait until he or she has left the scene
before you start flirting.
Plenty other things to be getting on with... Boost your own
self-esteem. No matter whose fault it was that the date went badly,
don't take it out on yourself. What has happened has passed and it's
a lesson about dating, not a reflection on your own worthiness.
* Think things such as "Well, at least I... [stood up for myself/
held myself together and didn't cry/ got out before getting hooked
up with a control freak... etc.].
* Congratulate yourself on being a good judge of character for not
allowing yourself to get entangled with someone who isn't right
for you. Early exits leave the least debris.
* Congratulate yourself for not being a people pleaser. Congratulate
yourself twice for not succumbing to sleeping with them on a first
date to "try and make things right".
* Things will look brighter in the morning. And a month or year from
now, it'll be but a memory. And most importantly, you're still
free to look for Mr or Ms Right now...
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* Try to remain polite. If you don't want to be on the date, end it.
But if you don't want to end it, then play nice. Don't be rude;
being rude is a passive aggressive way to say "I don't like you."
and if you're willing to be like this to your date, you'll start
an unhealthy pattern with all future dates and potential spouses.
Learn to be assertive and speak your mind openly but kindly.
* If your date is pushy or disrespectful, and you feel unsafe, end
the date without hesitation. Look for help from other people
around you if you're being harassed. This is why it is always
important to date in public places until you know your date well
enough.
* If you're feeling super lousy, be grateful you're free to date.
Not everyone has this luxury, even in this day and age.
!! Warnings !!
* First dates are best taken in public places; unless you already
know the person really well, don't take unnecessary risks.
!! Things You'll Need !!
* Exit strategies already thought through
* Cell phone
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Cope With Awkward Silence
* How to Escape from a Drunken Date
* How to Handle a Difficult Date
* How to Date
* How to Be a Good Date
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
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