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In ages past, a friendship was supposed to be a sacred bond between
two people. Despite the interconnectedness of our age, many people
lack friendships that have depth and true understanding. Many people
experience the pangs of loneliness without anyone to turn to. Yet a
friendship that is true and strong is not a bygone myth. It is
possible to have a deep and lasting friendship if there are certain
pillars to support it. Read on to find out what these pillars are.
*Acceptance*
Before you can be true friends with someone, you have to accept
them. If you cannot do so, you will always find fault with your
friend's actions or behaviour. This makes it very difficult for
your friends to relax or be themselves with you. They will always
feel judged by your standards. If you find yourself judging your
friends on a regular basis, they may not be the right kind of friends
for you.
Thus, acceptance means ridding yourself of any preconceived notions of
how your friend should behave. Success occurs when your friends tell
you that they are comfortable being themselves with you. Whether
they are silly or serious, happy or sad, it does not bother you.
Acceptance is a great gift to bestow upon your friend. It is a vital
pillar of a true friendship.
*Understanding*
A solid friendship stems from a deep understanding of each other. If
you cannot place yourself in the shoes of your friends, you will find
it hard to empathize with them. If you are not aware of the reasons
behind their actions, their actions will perplexed you on a constant
basis. This state of affairs could lead to a breakdown in
communication between the two of you. When that happens, it is easy
for misunderstandings and problems to arise in the friendship.
True friends understand the reasons behind the actions of their
dearest friends. They know what makes you happy and sad. They know
how you think and act. They know why you do the things you do.
This makes it easy for them to empathize with you. So make the
effort to truly understand and accept your friends. When you do so
without expectation, you would have laid the foundation for a strong
friendship.
*Trust*
Trust takes a lifetime to build and mere seconds to destroy. A
friendship without trust is like a fish without water; it cannot
survive. If you cannot trust your friend, you will always remain
guarded in their presence. You can never be open, honest or your
true self with them. Putting on a mask or an act on a continual
basis is tiring. This false front will create barriers between
friends that will hinder any strong bond from forming. A friendship
without trust is hollow and a waste of time and effort.
Therefore, trust is vital to a deep friendship. When there is trust,
both of you can be honest about your thoughts and feelings without
worry. Of course, there is a need for tact in your speech. Being
honest does not mean being hurtful on purpose. In a solid
friendship, both parties can depend on each other to watch their backs
when the going gets tough.
*Altruism*
Actions always speak louder than words. Before a person can receive,
he or she must first learn to give without expectations. One who
only cares about his own self-interest would find it hard to form a
deep bond with anyone. How can a deep friendship happen if both
parties are unwilling to give for fear of losing out? A friendship
that is all take becomes a pain very quickly.
Altruism is therefore an important pillar of a deep friendship. This
means having the best interests of your dearest friends at heart.
When you have this mindset, sincerity flows naturally into your
actions, laying the cement that will form a strong friendship. It
could take the form of prudent counsel or support when they need it
the most. Or it could be help in other areas of their lives. Done
sincerely, your friends will always know that they have a bulwark to
turn to in times of need.
*Taking Action*
A friendship that has the pillars above as its foundation is likely to
be a deep and lasting one. Not all the pillars will be easy for
everyone. Some people have difficulty trusting, others have problems
with acceptance. But since everything you know is learned, it means
you can also unlearn ineffective behaviours. If you manage to find
friends who stand by you through thick and thin, treasure them, for
they may just be the ones to teach you about the pillars of
friendship. A deep and lasting friendship takes time to build.
That is why we should start early with people whom we feel are worth
it.
Are there any other pillars of friendships that I have missed out?
Feel free to give your comments on what it takes to have a solid
friendship.
_The Vizier blogs at_ _Han of Harmony_ [2]_. Here, he gives tips on
how to live life in harmony with the times and circumstances. The
Vizier enjoys learning and finding new ways to deal with the
challenges of life. Whether it is gaining inspiration from books,
observing people or just living life, he learns and reflects so that
he can share his insights with others_.
Links:
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[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/wp-content/blogs.dir/22/files/HLIC/671966703c53f2af1ed5d661ef9ffb1a.jpg
[2] http://hanofharmony.com/
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