_ Elevators make people feel uncomfortable. The
close proximity, the small box-like sensation, the sensation of being
packed in like sardines, and sometimes the need to squeeze in and
actually face_ someone in the elevator can really stretch the
boundaries of normal social relations to breaking point.
When it seems like you could hear a pin drop and the tension is
rising, maybe you're in a naughtily playful mood for disturbing the
elevator peace and annoying the thinly held-together social fabric of
"normal" elevator behavior (namely, eyes averted and pretending to
mind your own business). If so, give these annoying practices a go and
watch the mayhem unfold!
!! Steps !!
_ Say things that simply freak people out. There
are plenty of silly things you can say in an elevator, and an online
search will return hundreds of one liners. Do a small study of these
lines and memorize the ones that you like the most and feel are most
appropriate for your sense of humor [1] in an elevator. However, it's
recommended that you avoid tasteless comments about lifts dropping or
suffocating because some people find it genuinely distressing to
travel in an elevator and you don't want to cause harm to or panic
[2] in others. Here are some fun lines to get you started:
* Crack open your briefcase [3] or purse. Pretend there is a small
creature in it, and while peering inside, ask: "Got enough
air/room in there?".
* When the elevator is quite full, be sure you're standing at the
back and cry out: "Oh, not now! Motion sickness [4]!"
* Be quiet, then suddenly announce something like "I've got new
underpants on!".
* Suddenly announce: "Oh darn! I forgot to wear deodorant [5]
today!"
* Use your cell phone to call the psychic hotline. Say "Hello?
Psychic hotline? What floor am I on?"
* Lean over to a fellow passenger and state knowingly: "They're
still watching me."
* Turn and face people. When someone gets into
the elevator, turn your body to face them or to face their side.
And simply stare [6]. It's enough to make the other person's skin
crawl because this is really confronting behavior. Another way of
causing people to do a double take is to face a corner in the
elevator. Just stand there, facing it in the same way that you'd
normally face the doors. This will leave people wondering: "Why on
earth?".
Whistle [7] or sing. Do this extremely
nonchalantly and without a care. Keeping it up
as a perfectly natural way to act in an
elevator is key to your success. If you're
really keen, ask others to join in your
sing-along or to whistle your tune!
* Another musical activity is to dance to the elevator muzak. Sway
in time to the beat.
Do your relaxation exercises. Take this as an
opportunity to relax and chill for a few
floors. Naturally, the type of relaxation
activity you perform will depend on the amount
of space left in the elevator, use your common
sense.
* Meditate [8]. Shut your eyes and chant "Om, om, om, om, om, om"
while facing one corner of the elevator.
* Practice tai chi [9] or some martial arts poses.
* Attempt to levitate [10] and ask other people how far off the
floor you rose.
* Play pranks [11]. If you're the jokester kind
who just happens to carry a prop or two with you when walking
around, make use of the elevator opportunity. For example, slip
out your big red nose and place it on, staying very serious
looking. Or press that whoopie cushion every time a person gets
into the elevator.
* Play elevator attendant. Greet your
passengers and ask the to call you Captain Elevator. Ask
passengers that just got on if you can push the button for them.
Spend all of the ride using a golden voice over [12] announcing
the residents of every floor: "Floor number 10. Bluey's office,
Rachel's favorite desk, the best tearoom in the entire building,
and the building's only quiet snogging corner." Ask people to
watch their step as they enter or leave and wish them a pleasant
day.
* Talk to your invisible friend. Have an
involved conversation with someone who... isn't there.
* Show off your new purchases. If you've just
come back from the stores with something new, share your great
find with those in the elevator. Be effusive in explaining the
virtues of your purchase, and try to make your excitement [13]
infectious. It'll be hard for others not to respond.
* Make out. If you're with your beloved, this
one can really disturb the peace. Start a passionate kiss, tell
your loved one you've been dying to see them all day, and kiss
again and again. Or make it a really long kiss between floors.
Play the idiot. There is an infinite number of
possibilities for playing the idiot on any
occasion in life but an elevator provides you
with a delightfully captive audience. Here are
some perfect idiot acts:
* When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
* Grimace [14] painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:
"Shut up, dang it! Just shut up!
* On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay
open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go
"plink" at the bottom.
* Make animal noises now and then. A meow, snort, neigh, woof, or
moo will confirm your supreme strangeness.
* Get out at each floor. Hop back in saying "No, wrong floor again.
Where is_ my office?".
* Crack a joke [15] and laugh really loudly. Perhaps don't stop
laughing until the next floor.
* Push the elevator buttons and react in horror, as if they have
given you a shock.
* Drop something. When another person goes to retrieve it for you,
yell: "NO! That's mine!"
* Pretend that you're going into labor [16]. If anyone takes it too
seriously, simply stand up and say, "Oh thank goodness, false
alarm."
* If you're holding a box, ask someone if they'd like to hold your
snake/scorpion/tarantula [17].
* Leave the elevator with dignity [18]. Act as
if nothing untoward ever took place and flash a smile as you exit
the elevator. Return to your daily duties refreshed.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* It goes without saying that some of these acts take courage and a
love of making fun of yourself. If you're super straight and don't
find these kinds of things funny, nobody's asking you to try them.
* If you're faced with somebody doing these things and it freaks you
out, try to lighten up. The elevator ride won't last and you might
as well take a giggle back to the office with you rather than an
outraged complaint about "how low people stoop these days!". Be
amused and be happier for it.
* Choose your timing; some of the annoying behaviors will work
better when the elevator is full, others are better when there are
only one or two other people in the elevator with you.
!! Warnings !!
* Sometimes people will tell you to shut up or grow up. Take their
advice with graciousness and simply smile and thank them for their
constructive advice and wish them a lovely day. Or just ignore
them.
* Avoid being loud. That's just obnoxious.
* Many elevators have a video camera in them. Smile for posterity.
!! Things You\'ll Need !!
* Props (optional), such as a whoopie cushion, a bag
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Survive in a Plummeting Elevator [19]
* How to Escape a Stranded Elevator [20]
* How to Endure a Long Elevator Ride [21]
* How to Make an Elevator an Express Elevator [22]
* How to Deal With a Fear of Riding in Elevators [23]
!! Sources And Citations !!
* Damn you Dan, 50 Ways to Annoy People in an Elevator,
http://damnyoudan.blogspot.com/2007/01/50-ways-to-annoy-people-in-elevator.html
[24] – research source
* The internet is a huge source of elevator annoyance ideas. This
article attempted to distill some of the more popular, less crazy
ones. There remain many more...
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
------
[1] http://www.wikihow.com/Spread-a-Sense-of-Humour
[2] http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Panic-Attacks
[3] http://www.wikihow.com/Pack-for-a-Business-Trip
[4] http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-Motion-Sickness
[5] http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Stick-Deodorant
[6] http://www.wikihow.com/Stare
[7] http://www.wikihow.com/Whistle
[8] http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate
[9] http://www.wikihow.com/Learn-Tai-Chi
[10] http://www.wikihow.com/Levitate
[11] http://www.wikihow.com/Play-a-Prank
[12] http://www.wikihow.com/Do-a-Voice-Over
[13] http://www.wikihow.com/Manage-Your-Excitement
[14] http://www.wikihow.com/Extract-Yourself-from-an-Uncomfortabe-Situation-or-Place
[15] http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-a-Joke
[16] http://www.wikihow.com/Pretend-to-Be-in-Labor
[17] http://www.wikihow.com/Care-for-a-Tarantula
[18] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Classy-Lady
[19] http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-in-a-Plummeting-Elevator
[20] http://www.wikihow.com/Escape-a-Stranded-Elevator
[21] http://www.wikihow.com/Endure-a-Long-Elevator-Ride
[22] http://www.wikihow.com/Make-an-Elevator-an-Express-Elevator
[23] http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Fear-of-Riding-in-Elevators
[24] http://damnyoudan.blogspot.com/2007/01/50-ways-to-annoy-people-in-elevator.html
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