Are These 5 Common Mistakes Keeping You From Being A Good Listener?

Are These 5 Common Mistakes Keeping You From Being A Good Listener?

[1]

_"To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk
well, and it is as essential to all true conversation."_ ~ *Chinese
Proverb*

Listening is the most important part of a true connection in
conversation. When we listen, we gain knowledge and understanding
about people and circumstances. Everyone wants to feel heard, but most
times people prefer to talk rather than listen.
Active listening requires empathy, affirmation and the ability to
process and respond without taking over a conversation. When you
listen to the world you will know more, build trust and increase your
popularity with friends.

*Slave To The Cell Phone.* How many times have you put a person on
hold so that you could answer your cell phone or text a message during
a conversation? Not only is this blatantly rude, but you have
officially disconnected from the speaker. This behavior makes the
speaker feel unimportant and shows you are not committed to the
moment. It is disheartening to a speaker to feel like a conversation
on the cell phone is more important than a face to face moment. Turn
off your cell phone or put it on vibrate answering only in case of an
emergency.

*80/20.* Are you speaking 80% of the time or listening 80% of the
time? A good listener will speak 20% of the time and listen 80% of the
time. When listening, parrot back what you have heard to show you are
paying attention and ask open ended questions so that the speaker will
go into further detail about the topic. This kind of affirmation makes
people feel heard and you will feel like a hero.

*Bad Body Language.* If you are visually distracted and darting your
eyes around the room, the listener is likely to feel unsupported and
will feel your attention is somewhere else. A good listener stands
tall or sits up straight, leans into the speaker and makes eye
contact. Focusing your eyes on the speaker makes him feel like the
center of the universe and validates the conversation.

*Enough About Me, Let's Talk About Me.* Don't be a ball hog in a
conversation by taking over with idol chatter about yourself.
Sometimes in an effort to show you understand what is being said you
may make a connection and inadvertently change the topic or divert
attention to yourself. If you feel the need to express a connection
with a personal experience, keep it short and simple and allow the
speaker to continue leading the conversation until it is your turn.

*Overly Critical and Judgmental.* If you interrupt the person in the
first sentence of the a conversation to pass judgment you have
immediately lost the ability to establish a rapport. Looking for
errors, being overly critical, and jumping to conclusions by passing
judgment are quick ways to disengage from the speaker and leave you
solo in the conversation.

Actively listening is a bonus attribute in every relationship. It
requires an investment of time and effort to connect with the speaker
by being present in the moment and lending your ears completely. This
important skill will build rapport, enrich work environments, and ease
tension in personal relationships. Give your eyes, ears and heart to
another person and reap the reward of making another person feel
validated and heard.

_Cindy Platt is a_ _parenting specialist_ [2] _who writes at_ _Your
Life's Blueprint._ [3] _Follow her on_ _Twitter_ [4]_._

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[2] http://pottytrainingpower.com/
[3] http://yourlifesblueprint.com/
[4] http://twitter.com/cindyplatt