When a favorite sporting, movie, fashion,
societal, or other idol of yours falls and is
disgraced, it can set your respect for the person
and what they stand for into a tailspin. Whether
they've transgressed good taste, social morals,
the law, or your own set of principles, dealing
with a fallen idol takes thoughtfulness and
reflection, as well as compassion. It doesn't
mean that you'll ever see this person in the same
light again but it does mean that you'll learn a
little more about the imperfections of even those
human beings who set themselves up as paragons of
the way to be.
!! Steps !!
* _ Understand what is happening to your sense
of propriety. When someone in a position of power or fame does
something untoward, something unlike "their usual self", or
breaches conventions unexpectedly, it tends to offend many
people's sense of propriety or what they thought was "right" about
this person. Sometimes the manufactured nature of the front this
person put toward society becomes all too clear when they do
something that brings about their demise. It may well be that the
feeling of being offended [1] comes about because you feel that
the person in question is a hypocrite, is not authentic, and is a
false representation of the characteristics that they were
publicly held out as having. In turn, realize that your
expectations of this person being a paragon of virtue may have
been very unrealistic.
* Allow time to heal. Many of the steps in this article will ask you
to try and set aside your initial reaction in order to try and see
things from your fallen idol's perspective and to try and distance
yourself from media hype. All the same, it is important to mourn
the loss of your belief in this person or what you believe they
stood for, and to give yourself space to heal over what can very
much feel like a sense of betrayal. Bear in mind that healing
doesn't involve condoning or forgetting this person's actions or
attitudes; the aim is to minimize the impact of your loss of faith
in this person and to try and redeem what remains good out of the
disappointment.
Be cautious about the media reporting of the situation or issue
causing your idol to fall in your esteem. You weren't at the event
or in the situation, and you don't know the person for real, and
neither do most of those reporting the incident or situation in
question. It is easy to suppose or guess at what a person may or may
not have done, or have felt compelled by, but it is far harder to
confirm the facts and motivations. In general, what the public
learns is usually only the partial truth and judging a person based
on pulp media musings is liable to be riddled with
misunderstandings.
* Consider the situation of people who release auto-biographies
years after they had something happen to them that besmirched
their very public reputation. In such reveal-alls, you will often
learn the person's own view of what motivated them and why they
felt they were justified or repentant, etc. You will also learn
from these that the media's role was less than angelic, was
speculative, and was often wrong. Many an autobiography or
biography, has changed a reader's perspective about a person. It
may be years before you really get a grip on what the person in
question did or what the situation really was about.
Aim to be understanding. Imagine what it must
feel like to be under the spotlight 24/7.
Despite the money, the fame, and the power,
there is a large amount of responsibility to
behave in a certain way all of the time_ that
creates a lot of pressure [2]. And that
pressure can sometimes cause a person to feel
tense, nervous, angry, and cooped up. The
chattering adulation may come to mean little,
and a person in the constant public spotlight
may long for a time when people leave them
alone. Alternatively, sometimes fame and power
can lead people to believe that they are
capable of anything and that the normal rules
don't apply to them because their money or
allure is a form of persuasion that works,
opening doors that most people can only
imagine. This heady fame and power trip isn't
handled well by some who lose their sense of
self, self-discipline, and boundaries. And
unless you have been there, it is a little
difficult to say you wouldn't fall that way...
* Realize that the person might have been raised very differently
from you, might see the world very differently from you, or could
have been taught or encouraged to do the things they do. This
aspect of your idol was probably always present but was not
obvious until they fouled up.
Be compassionate [3]. Try to stand in your fallen idol's shoes and
imagine how they must feel when their indiscretions, stuff-ups, or
sheer stupidity has exposed them so openly, and placed them at the
mercy of the public's disgust, contempt, or hatred. It's surely not
a good place to be and if it's something that can never be lived
down, they will suffer an internal struggle for the rest of their
lives, let alone being the poster child for whatever indiscretion or
mistake they made.
* Consider whether you really feel such abhorrence or disgust and
whether it is right to feel that you are in a good position to
judge a person harshly for the rest of their life? Ask yourself if
you feel so morally superior to this person that you think it is
all right to gossip [4] and degrade them with any opportunity you
get. Are you a gossiper and rumormonger normally?
* Bear in mind that in joining the outraged mob, you leave little
room for being imperfect in your own life. Compassion enables you
to forgive the person for their error and to let them be, to find
their own pathway to self-forgiveness. Compassion does not mean
that you have to condone what they did; it simply means that you
do not place yourself in a position of superiority to them, and
that you recognize that you too could make similar mistakes if
given similar circumstances, or at the very least, it is
recognition that nobody's slate is clean.
* Think of your past actions, and how unfair it would be for others
to view you in your worst moments. Think how difficult it is
nowadays when many situations can be preserved forever, such as
text messages and videos.
* Analyze your expectations that cause you to
idolize people in positions of power and fame. What do you get
from admiring [5] people to such a point that they seemingly can
do no wrong in your eyes? Consider the possibility that this a
rather unrealistic way to view some people in society, especially
since you're hardly likely to do this with most people you know.
Think about how you care for people generally; you know most of
your family and friends have foibles but you love them or like
them all the same, or you choose to overlook the foibles and get
along with them at the very least.
* Appreciate the good in your fallen idol. If you liked this person
up to the moment of their "demise", there is no reason to cease
appreciating the art, beauty, cleverness, changes, etc., that they
have brought into the world. To deny your enjoyment of their
music, sportsmanship [6], acting, scientific discoveries, writing,
etc., would be akin to your boss telling you that all your work up
to the point that he decided to call you on a bad report was for
naught and was being erased. How wasteful and abrupt a response!
All of us are made up of many facets, and none of us are saints.
We spend much of life learning to build on our strengths, manage
our weaknesses [7], and trying to lead a good life. And we all
slip up occasionally. As complex beings, it would be unrealistic
and unfruitful to deny every product of our labor and every
creation from our thoughts when a bad characteristic errs out of
proportion with our whole self.
!! Tips !!
* Try not to read the tabloids, the ones that often overplay
situations or even make them up. If you must read them, don't read
too much into them, or trust the content. It's often pulp writing,
juiced up with conditional language and hypotheses. Read the
articles with much skepticism.
* Have mercy on others. You never know when being publicly vilified
could be something that touches you or your loved ones and being
compassionate about others' misfortunes is the sign of being truly
thoughtful and caring.
* Know that there are few people, if any, whose whole life has been
angelic.
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Talk to Celebrities [8]
* How to Know the Latest Discoveries About Human Behavior with
Approaches in Psychology, Psychiatry, Neurology, Cognitive Therapy
[9]
* How to Forgive [10]
* How to Avoid Giving Up Hope for Humanity [11]
* How to Be Human [12]
* How to Make a Poster of Your Idol [13]
* How to Appreciate Michael Jackson [14]
* How to Appreciate Barack Obama [15]
* How to Discuss Barack Obama Intelligently [16]
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
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[1] http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Offending-Someone-With-a-Strong-Opinion
[2] http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Teen-Peer-Pressure
[3] http://www.wikihow.com/Cultivate-Compassion-in-Your-Life
[4] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Gossip
[5] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Admired-by-Others
[6] http://www.wikihow.com/Show-Good-Sportsmanship
[7] http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-Your-Weaknesses
[8] http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-to-Celebrities
[9] http://www.wikihow.com/Know-the-Latest-Discoveries-About-Human-Behavior-with-Approaches-in-Psychology%2C-Psychiatry%2C-Neurology%2C-Cognitive-Therapy
[10] http://www.wikihow.com/Forgive
[11] http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Giving-Up-Hope-for-Humanity
[12] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Human
[13] http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Poster-of-Your-Idol
[14] http://www.wikihow.com/Appreciate-Michael-Jackson
[15] http://www.wikihow.com/Appreciate-Barack-Obama
[16] http://www.wikihow.com/Discuss-Barack-Obama-Intelligently
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