If it seems like chivalry is dead, you'd be incorrect in assuming
such. However, women recognize that it is becoming harder and harder
to find the type of man who has long been termed "a gentleman".[1]
[1]
Men, let's be frank; this article is for you. If you haven't scored
a second date recently – or ever – it may be time to reevaluate
your dating technique. There's no need to be in the dark when it
comes to the right way to treat women. Becoming a modern gentleman is
just a few steps away.
!! Steps !!
Understand that equality does mean throwing your manners [2] and
good taste out of the window. The dating game is still about
captivating one another, impressing one another, and being on your
best behavior. Behaving in an ungentlemanly manner might get some
laughs in the retelling and it might even temporarily attract a
woman who is into the date for a lark but it won't get you a
long-term commitment and it definitely won't win you respect [3].
Boldly stating that women are equal so they can jolly well pay and
put up with you as you are is a blinkered approach to dating. The
importance of indulging in a little etiquette when dating will be
repaid by a dating experience that is considerate, caring, and most
of all, more fun because your date will definitely be impressed by
your manners and what used to be referred to as "good breeding". So,
it's time to dress well, plan a decent date, and polish up your
gentlemanly ways.
Be on time [4]. A gentleman never keeps his date waiting but is
punctual and ready to go at the appointed hour. Set your alarm [5]
if needed, and plan how long it will take to arrive at your
destination ahead of time.
* Don't be late without a very good excuse and be sure to phone her
[6] to explain what has happened to hold you up. She may not wait
long, especially if she's had previous experiences with
non-gentleman types standing her up.
Compliment your date [7]. Women like reassurance when it comes to
their appearance. A great way to make a positive first impression is
by offering a compliment on your date's appearance. Be cautious
though. Using cliched pick-up lines and corny compliments would make
most women sprint back to their apartments. Be careful not to come
across as creepy. No girl likes to feel objectified. Keep the
compliments light and innocent.
* Never insult [8] your date. One quick way to guarantee you don't
get a second date is to insult your date. If you recognize that
you are a person prone to criticizing, try to hold back on even
the slightest criticism [9]. Making any criticism, no matter how
constructive you feel it to be, will probably come across as an
insult which will start the downhill spiral of your date. If you
recognize that you are a sarcastic or humorous person, be careful
not to take a joke too far. Even if you're joking, a woman may
take your joke the wrong way. It's best to avoid anything
resembling an insult or a sarcastic tone altogether, and if it's
politically incorrect, volatile, or gossip [10], don't say it.
Open doors for your date. Men, this is chivalry 101. When walking
out of any door, make sure you hold the door open for your date and
let her walk out first.[2] [11] This will make your date feel
special and respected. There's no need to do this with flamboyant
gestures though; just do it subtly and thoughtfully.
* Don't let the door slam on your date. This should be a given. When
walking out of doors, it's rude to walk out first, especially
when that means letting the door close on your date. To women,
this action signals selfishness [12]. Men, if you're afraid of
looking like you care too much, don't. It's not a sign of
weakness to open doors for your dates, in fact, it is just the
opposite.
Help your date to her chair before you sit down. This may seem odd
because it doesn't happen very often these days, but by pulling
out the chair for your date so she can sit down first, this shows
your date that you care about her interests before your own. It is
also a very gentlemanly gesture liable to score you a big win in the
manners [13] stakes.
* Don't pull the chair out so she falls down. Remember how old you
are; this kind of prank didn't work in the sixth grade, and it
definitely won't work now. Your date will be embarrassed or
shocked and if she doesn't leave right then and there, she
definitely won't stick around for a second date.
* If you are eating with others at the table, wait until everyone is
seated and ready to eat before beginning to eat. A gentleman does
not bolt down his dinner.
Ask questions about your date. Be a good conversationalist [14].
Don't be afraid of awkward silence; instead, keep the conversation
rolling by coming prepared with plenty of things to talk about. Your
date will feel respected if you listen to what she has to say and
she will be impressed if you don't let the conversation drop.
* Don't play with your food, talk while chewing, yawn [15], etc.
Being a modern gentleman means sitting up straight and looking
your date in the eye when you're talking to each other. Don't
spend too much time looking down at your plate – your mashed
potatoes can't talk back.
* Don't flaunt being wealthy or talk derogatorily about people who
are wealthy. Both approaches show a total lack of refinement and
cause the listener to squirm uncomfortably, wondering what
personal takeover or revolution you're planning next. If you are
wealthy and you want to make this evident, wear quality clothing
but don't brag [16].[3] [17] On the other hand, no man needs to be
wealthy to have good taste, so wear good, clean, and well-pressed
clothing whatever your means.
* Read How to make small talk [18] for more ideas on finding topics
to talk about.
Be prepared to pay for you and your date's meals. If she offers to
pay, kindly refuse. Remind her that you are on a date and it is your
pleasure to take the bill [19]. There is a lot of confusion about
this aspect of a date but a gentleman is never confused; a gentleman
simply gets on with paying.
* Don't use the ruse of leaving your wallet behind and expecting
your date to pay. Even if you don't "forget" your wallet,
don't expect your date to pay for her own meal. When the
waitress [20] comes by with the bill, don't hesitate to grab it.
By leaving it on the table for too long, your date might get
nervous wondering if you're going to pay.
Offer your arm when walking with your date. This is a gentlemanly
act and it is also one guaranteed to help your date when she's
walking on uneven ground in her high heels [21]. While it is an
intimate act, it is perfectly acceptable for a gentleman and means
nothing more than being respectful.[4] [22] Always walk alongside a
woman when walking down stairs, not behind her.[5] [23]
* It's also a good idea to help her to put on her coat when leaving
a building during the colder weather.[6] [24]
* Always walk next to the road on a roadside; that way if there is
any splashing from puddles, it'll hit you, not her.
Let your date know how much fun you had and offer a possible second
date [25]. Keep your boundaries by being polite and respectful.
Women don't like to feel forced into a goodnight kiss or anything
more.
* Don't try to force any moves, especially if she seems unwilling.
Treat her with respect. It is a huge turnoff when a man assumes
his right to move in on his date.
* Maintain her honor. Never kiss and tell.
!! Video !!
!! Tips !!
* If you want a second date, be respectful. Apologize if you err,
such as bumping into her. Be polite and say "excuse me", or "I beg
your pardon" by way of beginning or settling an apology.[7] [26]
* Let your date talk about herself, but don't tune out! Women
value a good listener. There is a good chance she'll expect you
to remember something she shared with you later.
* Don't be afraid to show interest – swallow your pride! Some
men are afraid to show too much interest in a woman because they
don't want to come across as weak. This really just serves to
harm you. Women like knowing that you're interested. So while
you don't have to come out with an exuberant "I love you!"
in the middle of your date, there's no harm in showing a little
interest.
* Take initiative. Being a gentleman means being a leader. Women
aren't impressed with timid men who force them to make all the
decisions.
* Raining? Offer her your umbrella for shelter.
* Avoid speaking ill of family members. This bodes poorly and a
gentleman does not discuss his personal concerns on the initial
date.
* If dining with others, stand whenever a lady enters the room.[8]
[27] And never speak with food in your mouth!
* A gentleman knows how to deal with a lady who cries; read How to
comfort a crying woman [28] for more information on what to do in
this awkward situation.
!! Warnings !!
* Don't curse or speak crudely. This simply says that you lack
respect for others and it shows that you haven't got the ability
to articulate your feelings, thoughts, and opinions with real
words.
* Don't get angry or show your temper. Showing this side of
yourself will send your date running; who could possibly see a
future with someone who needs babysitting, calming down, or having
to always be deferent to?
* Don't be a loud lout; gentlemen speak with a calm and even tone
and do not need to raise their voices to be heard or heeded.
* Don't interrupt. Women hate to be interrupted. And, the
interrupting rule should extend to everyone you speak to in front
of your date. Show your date that you're a gentleman by letting
others finish their thoughts before interjecting your own.
* Avoid staring; it's impolite at best, lewd at worst.
* Don't pick your nose, scratch your ear, preen your hair, or
perform any other personal grooming gestures in public, and
especially not before your date.
* Avoid smoking unless she invites you to do so. This is one thing
that gentleman of the past probably did differently but today's
etiquette requires consideration of the changing values
surrounding the right time and place for puffing in another
person's face.[9] [29]
!! Things You'll Need !!
* Quality clothing
!! Related WikiHows !!
* How to Be a Gentleman in a Gentleman's Club [30]
* How to Be a Gentleman [31]
* How to Dress Formal to Look Like a Gentleman [32]
* How to Deal With Oily Skin as a Gentleman [33]
* How to Be an English Gentleman [34]
!! Sources And Citations !!
!! Article Tools !!
* Read on wikiHow
*
Links:
------
[1] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-0
[2] http://www.wikihow.com/Have-Good-Manners
[3] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Respected
[4] http://www.wikihow.com/Control-Time-Wasters
[5] http://www.wikihow.com/Set-an-Alarm-on-an-iPhone-Clock
[6] http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-a-Phone-Conversation-Going-with-Your-Girlfriend
[7] http://www.wikihow.com/Compliment-Your-Date
[8] http://www.wikihow.com/Work-Around-Insults
[9] http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Criticism
[10] http://www.wikihow.com/Squelch-Malicious-Gossip
[11] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-1
[12] http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Selfish
[13] http://www.wikihow.com/Use-Good-Table-Manners
[14] http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Great-Conversation
[15] http://www.wikihow.com/Suppress-a-Yawn
[16] http://www.wikihow.com/Brag-Without-Being-Arrogant
[17] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-2
[18] http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Small-Talk
[19] http://www.wikihow.com/Pay-Your-Bills
[20] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Great-Waitress
[21] http://www.wikihow.com/Walk-in-High-Heels
[22] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-3
[23] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-4
[24] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-5
[25] http://www.wikihow.com/Decide-to-Avoid-a-Second-Date
[26] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-6
[27] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-7
[28] http://www.wikihow.com/Comfort-a-Crying-Woman
[29] http://bemoreconfident.info/#_note-8
[30] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Gentleman-in-a-Gentleman%27s-Club
[31] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Gentleman
[32] http://www.wikihow.com/Dress-Formal-to-Look-Like-a-Gentleman
[33] http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Oily-Skin-as-a-Gentleman
[34] http://www.wikihow.com/Be-an-English-Gentleman
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