Be more confident: How to Emotionally Cope With Having Disabilities

How to Emotionally Cope With Having Disabilities

Having a disability can be really hard, but there are many
ways to accept who you are. In this article, you'll learn
how to gradually learn to cope with having disabilities.

!! Steps !!

Organize yourself properly. Keeping your room [1], body, and
lifestyle clean and organized can really lower your stress levels
and help you be more confident [2]. Find help with any household
tasks you can't do for yourself. If you're not capable of cleaning
up after yourself, doing your own laundry or preparing your own
meals, there are still several options:

* Ask family for help. If you have family members who are willing,
this is usually the best choice. However, don't let real
dependence attract codependence [3]; sometimes the risk of getting
help from family is being trapped in unhealthy family
relationships, especially where they behave in abusive or
patronizing ways. Understand your family relationships and if it
appears that you're being harmed by such interactions, seek
alternative sources of help.

* A second option is to ask friends for help and reciprocate with
things that you can do. If you lack mobility but you're good at
webpage writing [4] or listing auction items online, maybe you can
trade such work on a friend's website or listing their items to
sell, in return for housekeeping help. Naturally, don't continue
to help when it's not reciprocated - your time and effort are as
valuable as those of abled people.

* A reliable option, if you can get it, is to seek local resources
for independent living [5] with disability. Some cities, counties,
hospital programs, and so on, have either charities or government
programs that help disabled people close gaps in their self care
needs. You may be able to get a personal assistant who's paid to
come over, spend time with you, run errands or drive you around if
you're incapable of doing these things on your own. Search online
and phone your local hospitals, clinics, government offices asking
for contact numbers. Don't give up thinking there is nothing
offered; you don't know what resources you have until you've
checked them out.

* Consider moving to a new city or area with better resources made
available to help disabled people live independently. You have a
right to live in a clean, comfortable environment and to get help
keeping a clean body if you can't manage this on your own. It's
not your fault if you can't do these things on your own and it's
not a character flaw.

* Accept help [6] graciously and actively seek better alternatives
if the people helping you are patronizing, cruel, or abusive. This
is important in the long term - what's acceptable in an emergency
might be "any port in a storm" but don't let yourself be trapped
in a bad situation. Seek help lines and outside assistance from
state, provincial, regional, or federal/national agencies and
charities if you're in a bad situation and need help getting out
of it.

Exercise often. Get plenty of exercise [7] in any way that you can.
If you're in a wheelchair [8], then ask your doctor about exercise
options for you – there are a lot of them. If you're not able to
partake in exercise, then get all the mental exercise you can.

* Don't be ashamed [9] if you can't exercise the way other people
do. Exercises are designed for people with standard bodies and a
full set of normal abilities. Don't measure your progress against
other people's. Judge your progress realistically in relation to
your own past efforts and results. Stop if it hurts, especially
with back injury and disability, bad knees and any other condition
that can cause sports injury [10].

* Remember that the Special Olympics has it right - everyone's a
winner. If you manage any exercise at all, or any improvement in
physical function, you've won something. Effort does count a lot
more than it would for someone abled. Don't expect your results to
be the same as someone who's abled and decides to change a
sedentary lifestyle.

Be polite and stay calm with obnoxious people [11]. Even if somebody
makes fun of you, there are ways to turn around the situation. When
someone makes fun of you, keep your dignity. Be aware that heckler
has just destroyed his or her reputation. A sarcastic [12] remark or
two can help – judge your timing and the reactions of people
around the heckler. Be funnier [13] than they are, especially in
public situations with plenty of witnesses. If you laugh at someone
who's trying to put you down, that can be a game-changer sometimes.
Play to the audience, not to the idiot; you won't change that
person's mind but you can make them look as foolish [14] as they're
really behaving.

* Be aware that many people are nervous about how to act around
someone who's disabled. They're afraid of embarrassing themselves
and may be patronizing without really realizing it, in an attempt
to see themselves as nice people. Be firm when refusing
unnecessary help – that's another big social pitfall.

* Be generous [15] with other people's nervousness. Educate them
politely, once they're used to it they'll get to know you as a
person. Many people seem to hold the idea that disabled people
ought to be pathetically grateful for unwanted advice and any
attention at all. The more you don't play those games, the easier
it is to start filtering your acquaintances for people who treat
you with respect [16].

* Demand respect, and stay calm when you do. Keeping your head in
face of all the social challenges of disability builds real
courage [17]. Eventually all the lousy stereotypes, idiotic
reactions, codependent mind games and patronizing attitudes of
others will become familiar. Each situation has its own effective
counters. Learn to become assertive [18] rather than aggressive or
passive. You will need more social skills than someone who doesn't
stand out as different.

* There's a stereotype that disabled people must be sweet, saintly,
nice to everyone, and never have a bad day. Being nice to everyone
on first meeting and cutting people some slack for initial bad
reactions can help, but if it doesn't help, seek effective,
assertive ways to deal with difficult people [19]. Learn which
friends you can genuinely trust. Don't let "be nice to everyone"
become "be everyone's doormat and never express anything
negative." You don't have to be Tiny Tim to demand human respect.

Let yourself grieve and go through all five stages of grief about
your disability. Seek real support from therapists, counselors and
trusted friends or family members. Learn to judge who's genuinely
supportive and who's pitying - pity is just another flavor of
humiliation and usually covers up the other's terror of winding up
in your situation. Do your best not to take out your grief on the
people in your life who are genuinely trying to help, even if
they're not good at it.

Don't beat yourself up for it if you're not nice to everyone.
Definitely don't beat yourself up for it if other people treat you
badly. That's their problem. That's a measure of how ignorant they
are or how petty [20] and cruel.

Don't be surprised if people start thinking of you as brave. When
you're done grieving and you've become used to something as
everyday, it stops being a crisis or a tragedy. At the point your
disability is just the way things are and you're used to it, accept
compliments [21] on your courage graciously. They mean it and they
may genuinely find inspiration in your attitude on a good day. This
is truth. You are a hero when your ability to face physical limits
and social humiliation inspires other people - it's okay to pat
yourself on the back for it and feel good about that. Just don't rub
it in to other people.

* There's a difference between patting yourself on the back and
gaining confidence in your ability to face your misfortunes, and
bragging in ways that hurt other people's self esteem [22]. The
better you handle your troubles of any kind, the more likely other
people will genuinely take inspiration [23] from your attitude.
That's a big compliment on a real skill, so don't brush it off too
lightly.

Accept your disability. This is the most difficult part as it can be
very discouraging. Accept that you may never walk, hear or see again
and that you can still enjoy life. If your disability can be changed
with physical therapy and treatment, seize the day and fight it
every day.

* Accepting your disability means grieving the loss of a normal
status with no stigma against you and a life without enormous
inconvenience. It's not right, it's not fair, it's not good. There
is no up side to it but on the other side, it's not something
wrong with your character either. Grief [24] takes the time that
it does.

Take advantage of what can be done. Some conditions like blindness
or the loss of a limb require extensive retraining to use what
prosthetics and life strategies can enrich your life. Even if you
can't change the disability itself, you can improve your life by
using every assist and strategy available. Don't be embarrassed to
use a white cane or a service dog [25] or a wheelchair. You'll be
surprised how much easier life is when you have those aids than not.

Seek assistance from the community of other disabled people,
especially those who've got the same conditions you do. They
understand and they've been through everything you're going through
now. They may have lists of contact numbers and resources for things
you think you can't afford. They understand and accept the grief
[26] that comes with sudden disability and social pressures.

* Seek support groups with people who face the same challenges.
Think of them as challenges rather than thinking of yourself as a
victim, this is a big step up from self pity. Remember that your
social challenges are real. Don't agree with people who are
putting you down or laughing at you, that's perhaps the hardest
thing to learn. You can't hold on to attitudes that denigrate
disabled people or you're shooting yourself in the foot.

Stick with people who go out of their way for you – as caring
friends Try to overcome other prejudices [27]. A person of a
different religion, race, culture or social class may have a lot more
experience dealing with the prejudice you live with than you did on
becoming disabled. If you treat those around you with dignity, the
best among them will reciprocate and you can at least find out who
the stubbornly ignorant are.

* Obnoxious acquaintances aren't worth hanging onto. Obnoxious
friends and family may get a longer chance to work on the
relationship and more effort on your part, but recognize that
sometimes that's a brick wall.

Get a hobby. Find something that you like to take your mind off of
things, like sewing, jewelry making [28], woodworking [29],
scrapbooking, painting, drawing [30], writing, birdwatching [31],
collecting. Explore your interests. Some may even lead to successful
self employment or new job skills - many hobbies are someone else's
profession. Most of all, find the activities you enjoy most. You'll
meet other people who get into them and have something more
interesting to talk about than your disability.

Get good Internet access and a decent computer. This is much more
important than television. Internet activities involve other people
and they're real. Participate in sites like wikiHow [32] and other
online communities. Not only will you meet friends and build a
social life, your contributions are real and your social life will
include areas that your disability doesn't impact.

* After a while, people you connect with regularly online or offline
will get used to your disability. Most of them will stop treating
you any differently. The hardest time is at first when you find
out who your real friends are. Building a solid social network is
essential to living well, disabled or not. This is something the
undisabled might learn from you.

The world is still your oyster Remember that money isn't the only
measure of success in life. If your time is useful to other people
and the things you do are genuinely appreciated and used, that
matters to self esteem. Some types of disability benefits won't let
you earn money without taking it out of your check and you might lose
health care benefits [33] if you earn. If you're in that situation,
consider volunteering [34] your time to causes you feel passionate
about. More than the cash itself, people work because they need to
feel needed and useful. You can be needed and useful no matter what
your physical limits are. So don't look down on yourself or think
that volunteering is somehow less important than paid work. It's more
important and many people who don't have time because they're
struggling to make a living will be grateful you gave what you can -
your time and expertise.

Do your best. You didn't have a choice about being disabled but
how well you live with it is a choice, every day. It's much more
important to pat yourself on the back for your successes than to
beat yourself up for failures [35]. Don't judge yourself by other
people, learn what you can really do and take any progress as
something to build on.

!! Video !!

!! Tips !!

* Acquire help from a counselor. A counselor can help.

* Doctors can be wrong. Remember they can be wrong in both
directions. Even experts often misjudge whether you can recover at
all or whether you're not putting "enough effort" into your
recovery. You are the only one who knows how much effort you're
putting into recovering.

!! Warnings !!

* If you're in an abusive situation, seek help. Do your best to keep
open communications with the rest of the world. There are
resources to help people deal with abuse and you have a right to
live free of abuse even if that right is sometimes hard to defend.

!! Things You'll Need !!

* Hobbies

* Equipment that makes things easier for you at home and going out

!! Related WikiHows !!

* How to Get a Free Car if You Are Disabled [36]

* How to Stay Positive when Your Home Is an Adult Foster Care Home
for Developmentally Disabled Adults [37]

* How to Ask a Girl Out When You Are Disabled [38]

* How to Get a Job As a Deaf or Hard Of Hearing Person [39]

* How to Choose a Wheelchair [40]

!! Article Tools !!

* Read on wikiHow

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Thursday 20 January 2011

How to Emotionally Cope With Having Disabilities

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